Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Day 7: Calle

Dear Calle,

Thank you. 

I don't know if I ever told you this before (or anyone really), but I was suicidal off and on the whole spring I lived in South Carolina. I've fought depression since I was about 13, but I'd never been that low. It wasn't even that I wanted to kill myself...I just didn't want to exist. I didn't want to feel ashamed of the total failure of CofC. I didn't want to feel the gnawing ache of loneliness or feel heartbroken and jealous that the man I thought I'd marry was living nearby with his pregnant wife. I was, undoubtedly, a train wreck of a girl. The reason I tell you this is that you were one of the reasons I held on tight. 

Calle, I think you kinda saved my life. 

Little sister, words cannot express the comfort I found in your presence and laughter and the hours we spent watching NetFlix (and Dyson's handmade vests...delightful). You were what helped keep me going because I knew I was able to do good things for you like picking you up from school whenever your mom managed to forget or talking walks or listening when you needed advice. Taking care of you in little ways and growing our friendship helped me remember how much hope is left in the world. 

God only knows what I'd have done without you. You have been such a huge blessing. 

Thank you for continuing to challenge me, pray for me, laugh with me, confide in me, and listening to me. God has blessed me so much through you, Cal. I love you so much. 

Thank you. 


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