Sunday, June 22, 2008

The Fickle Hell-Beast

Favorite things of this very moment:

  • Borders
  • Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer
  • Jane Austen books (and the movies made from)
  • Eyeliner
  • New shampoo & conditioner
  • Edward Cullen (and all pictures thereof)
  • Jacob Black
  • New books
  • When Jay and I trade books
  • "An Obscure Permanence" by Metasomatic

Recently Forrest was talking and he called something, I honestly don't remember what it was, a "fickle hell-beast." That...totally cracked me up. That's brilliant. The question that when through my head then was: relationships.

What's more ridiculous and tormenting that dealing with the opposite sex? Seriously. Just think about it. Is there anything more tormenting (short of actual physical pain and suffering) than the struggles dealt with by those in love (or trying to head in that general direction)? I can't think of any. I think heartbreak is where the whole fickle hell-beast thing really shows it's true colors.

As my momma likes to say, "Love isn't just's also deaf, dumb, and stupid." We walk right into the open jaws of that monster, and many times we walk there willingly. What fools we mortals truly are...

Just a point to ponder.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


Favorite things of this very moment (10:17 am CST):
  • New poetry to read from friends
  • Sunshine
  • New Moon by Stephanie Meyers
  • Knowing I have one solid job and a paycheck coming tomorrow
  • My cell phone
  • Comfy pj's

I got back from Heather's on Monday night and just sat on the front porch for a long time staring up at the moon. Somehow my world felt like it was crashing again. I wish I could say that was unusual, but my brain and heart like to have violent reactions one a regular basis, apparently Monday night was no exception.

I had spent most of my afternoon on Monday rereading Twilight while listening to Metasomatic's cd. I was already on edge. I spent 4 hours at work zoning out and trying to understand all that had happened over the course of the last week. I just couldn't get my mind around it, and then I go to Heather's and watch "27 Dresses" (which was cute, cheesy, and incredibly predictable) which somehow just seemed to remind me that I've allowed my life to really slide right off track. Too much focusing on all the wrong things. It was virtually the tipping point.

So...we're back where we started, my front porch. I spent quite awhile just trying to frame my state of mind. God and I had another one of our long heart to hearts where I try to put my feelings into some kind of coherent mess of words. I'm glad He knows what I mean.

It's just very frustrating. You spend so much time with someone and they give you all these wonderful feelings and little cues that make you think that maybe, just maybe, this time it will be different. That you're not so crazy after all and maybe, just maybe, they might actually care for you.

But the truth is...I just don't know.

And I guess it's that uncertainty which is going to pull me right back into curling up and reading books for most of today and pretending that I understand anything at all about life or love or anything. Maybe I'll hear my answer if I listen hard enough...or at least get myself out of the way so that God actually has a chance to speak to me. Let's hope.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Nothing Better

Favorite things of this very moment (12:01 pm CST):

  • The above picture of Edward Cullen...*sighs*
  • That Nikky is going to here TOMORROW
  • Making boxes of bizarritey for people
  • Fans
  • Honest emails
  • That a tree branch still hasn't landed on my car despite the many times and opportunities for that very event to happen recently during the crazy storms
  • UHF and other completely ridiculous movies...

I've spent the past hour looking for pictures of Edward Cullen. I've managed to keep from reading most of the stuff about Twilight so far. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to go before I completely freak out. That movie should already be out in theaters. I so badly want to see it. So badly.

Nikky will be here tomorrow. This is good. Very good. Plus that means someone will be around who actually understands my deep and undying love of all things Twilight related. Oh's going to be great. There will be bubble blowing, Twilight discussions, side walk chalk art, bad dancing, and so much more. It will be a totally amazing worthwhile experience.

Sadly...I have absolutely nothing valuable to say, so I'll leave you with this last bit of wisdom:

Baby Fish Mouth!

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Prequel to Summer

Favorite things of this very moment (3:18 pm CST):
  • Contacts
  • Eye liner/mascara
  • Sun tea
  • Books that make me think (ex: The Princess by Lori Wick)
  • The "Heartbreaker" cd by Ryan Adams
  • Boxes of bizzarity
  • Tall attractive men calling me in the middle of the night to make sure I know I am not forgotten and to be a wonderful listener
  • Paxton Laurent...that little one is my favorite
  • Having a due day (Jan. 30) to look forward to for my newest little niece/nephew (SWEETNESS!)
  • Blueberry scented bubbles
  • Bookshelves of books I still get to read
  • Kayla & Terrence's engagement

I have decided that this summer is not allowed to disappoint me. I refuse to be let down again. Yes, there will be times where I want to cry and scream and throw things (and I will throw things, it's just what I do), but over all, I refuse to believe that this summer could be anything less than extraordinary.

First, there's a baby blanket to make. A green one. Josh and Jenny are having their first little one. It's due on Jan. 30! Woohoo! I get to be an aunt, and I am excited. I'll be spoiling this little one. Oh yeah.

Second, Kayla and Terrence are now engaged. They got engaged last week at a Cubs game (the cubs Bonus). I am thrilled. Terrence is definitely the right man for her, and I know I won't have to worry about him taking care of her or her taking care of him. They're going to be happy, and life will be wonderful.

My summer is going to be full of bubble blowing (which is my plan for my evening), front porch talks, learning some guitar, ice tea, great books (I'll be re-reading the Twilight series very soon), lovely evening walks, star gazing, sidewalk chalk, visits from Nikky, FUEL, much talking to tall wonderful men (, flowers, bad dancing, singing loudly, and general good times.

Oh yes, it will be a good summer.