Saturday, August 1, 2015

Light's Back On

I'm caught in a moment of sweet serenity.  Fans are keeping the air cool and I've spent the last half hour giggling while working on a birthday gift for Forrest because we could both use a few more laughs these days.  I get to sleep in a little in the morning and then go to the chiropractor.  I get to meet Joel's best friend John for the first time tomorrow, and I get to go see Joel and Dad in "The Odd Couple."

For a brief moment, if nothing else, life is peaceful.

FUEL was last week, and for the first time in a long time, I could hear God again.  That took some doing.  He has been waiting for quite awhile to hear from me.  I'd been talking, talking, talking, but I'd been talking to a wall and not so much to God.  Mind you, God's been listening the whole time, but I'd done such a phenomenal job of trying to keep God at arms distance (if not further) that I had to relearn to do this.  I spent the first two days of camp trying to clean my heart back out and spent a lot more time crying, praying, and working through junk than I could have ever planned to or thought possible.  I tore down all the walls I'd spent the last year putting up around my heart and soul, and I asked God to come back in.  I thought a lot about Psalm 51 and Hosea and asked God to help me clean all the trash out of my soul and the rubble out of my heart and to help me overcome my unbelief.  I may be a mess, but at least I know I am one and have finally started figuring out where my flaws are tripping me up.  I am still far, far, faaaaaar from perfect, but now I'm back to trying to be the woman I have always wanted to be.

I made some decisions about my future.  I'm going to try to go back to school within the next year (hopefully this coming spring), and I'll keep working at my job till I find something better.  I'm starting to lose weight, and I'm going to try to keep it up.  I've been writing notes to people again.  I'd forgotten how telling people how much I appreciate them makes everything in life a little brighter.  I don't want to lose that light.

God's been doing some cool things.  He's drawn me back to some old and incredibly beloved friends, and presented me some new challenges.

God is good.  I am grateful, and there is light again.

ps.  Here's a list of my favorite things of this very moment (1:47 AM CST):

  • The Lonely Island
  • The mix I'm working on for Forrest
  • Knowing I have a chiro appointment in the morning
  • This sense of peace
  • Simpson's Tapped Out
  • Knowing I still have time to make several decisions
  • Properly switched out light bulbs
  • A chance for renewal
  • Peace