Tuesday, January 10, 2012


Tonight has been a little strange.

I went to dinner tonight with some friends, and my friend, Jay was supposed to come.  He's one of those good guys that your mom tells you should really consider marrying because he's honest, dependable, talented, and attractive, not to mention actually goes to church and has actual faith.  He's the kind of guy you think would probably make a good father someday because you see him playing with his nephew and it melts your heart.  He's a good man.

Tonight, Jay didn't make it to dinner.  He had a problem at work, and he let me know right away.  I got updates from him as the night worse on, but the problem was not something that could be easily fixed, and he missed dinner.

Don't get me wrong, I am not upset with him, nor was it his fault.  This happened because it happened.  Sometimes this is how life works, but I held my own at dinner.

He's been my safety net for a long time now.  I realize that's not the way you should probably look at people, but he has been.  He's been my substitute person.  Yeah...now that's ironic.  Here I've been thinking of this only one way, and for way too long now I've been playing the whole, "Woe is me, nobody loves me, wah, wah, wah" thing.

But the truth is, I do this to people too.

Jay is a good man.  He's one of my best friends.  One of the best friends I have ever had.  I want him to be happy.

Tonight, as I was talking to him, I realized that there's a very good chance he is falling in love with a friend of ours.  He's talking about her in a way I recognize, and for the first time in a long time, the gnawing ache that so often haunts me late at night...it didn't appear.  Instead, I found myself feeling hopeful for him.

Another good friend of mine, one of the best I have (or ever have, I hope you know that), made me promise him that no matter what happens with Jay, even if he really does end up in love, that I will continue to be myself and to be "grand."  I told him I will.

I will.

And the funny thing is, I feel like this is finally settled.  Yeah, I'm still going to have times when this is painful, and there will be "Woe is me" moments again, but when I've put myself to bed, had a long talk with God, and maybe listened to a little Jack Johnson from back when I was in high school...I'll be alright again.

Friday, January 6, 2012


I want to be the priority.  Just once.

Every girl wants to be the exception.


Just once.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

2012 To-Do (Again, kudos Amy! You've Got the BEST Ideas)

2012 To-Do:

1.       Trust God.
2.      Love and be loved by a good man.
3.       Finish reading all partially read books.
4.      Read and return all borrowed books.
5.       Finish going through my books and giving away/selling as many as possible.
6.      Send someone a telegram via telegramstop.com.
7.       Do something nice for someone else every day.
8.      Give more away.
9.      Visit the ocean.
10.   Get a massage.  Or two.  Or three.  Or…you know, several.  J
11.   Less bad words, more positive statements.
12.   Write a letter or note to someone every day.  Be it a thank you or a note of encouragement or a bit of Radical Honesty; it must be something good.
13.   Make Eric Callaway his long ago promised Green blanket.
14.   Try Bailey’s.
15.   Live on just bread and water for 3 days.
16.   Write a long letter to the pope.
17.    Write a letter to a famous person I admire.
18.   Finish Nikky & Yan’s book and give it to them.
19.   Give more toasts.
20.  Buy a sarong.
21.   Figure out what to do with video camera (including getting the actual video from the camera onto my computer…and possibly onto YouTube…ha).
22.  Pay Dad at least half of what I owe.
23.   Write my own obituary.
24.  Wine and dine someone who deserves it.
25.   Take EGWTBTE pictures.
26.  Have a completed emergency fund.
27.   Write and send a letter to Santa Claus.
28.  Lose some weight so that when I’m called upon to do it, I can look good in a bridesmaid’s dress.
29.  Practice radical honesty on a more regular-esque basis
30.   Watch all RiffTrax at least once.
31.   See the new Pirates! movie with Joel.
32.   Learn to do video with my camera.
33.   Take better care of my hands.
34.   Finish organizing quotes.
35.   Try making more new recipes.
36.   Excersize (at minimum) 3 times a week.
37.    Visit Heather in Chicago.
38.   Throw Amber two super sweet bachelorette parties with Miss Emily.
39.   Acquire Munchkin.
40.  Learn to make granny squares.
41.   Argue and deal with confrontation (and confront, if necessary) in a biblical way.
42.  Take pictures.  At least one every single day.
43.   Downsize.
44.  Make Amber & Jake an EPIC wedding box.
45.   Become financially independent.
46.  Buy Cynthia, Nikky, Regina, Amber, Traci, Heather, Jordan, Sam & Kimmieboo copies of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.
47.   Make scarves to donate.
48.  Learn to make hats.
49.  Go through movies and see which ones can be given away.
50.   Be me. And love being me.

2012: Come What May

Happy New Year, my friends!

May 2012 bring you joy and good fortune.  
May you find magic and happiness in every day, and may you learn to see the good in every situation.
  May you find peace with God and with your fellows.  
May you learn to forgive where you have been holding back.  
May you live without regrets and say "yes" to new opportunities, challenges, and dreams.  
May you fill every day with laughter and many with happy tears.  
May you find surprises and new life where you thought there was none.  
May find love sparked and alive in your life.  
May you be surrounded by good luck and good people every day.  
May you see truth and beauty in your own life, and help others to find it in theirs. 
May you find the courage to face your fears.
May you see God's strength in your weaknesses, and remember to let Him be in control.
May you remember to take the time to say "Thank you" often and in every situation.
May your troubles be small, and those that aren't be lifted.
May you pursue your passions and see where you are called.
May you be truly happy and truly loved.

And may you never lose sight of hope.