So here we are...it's Friday morning, my back has been trying to go out since last night and I am fighting it with generic icy hot patches and Bayer Back & Body. Maybe this isn't the ideal way to start a weekend. Perhaps the fact that I woke up just after 7 in an attempt to get my car's oil change done at a place I ended up never being able to find also plays into the less-than-ideal start to the day, but I've decided the weekend is going to be good.
In a few hours I will be driving to Atlanta. I'll get my oil changed tomorrow at a more reasonable hour than 7 at a place I know I can find. Tonight I will go eat drunken noodles (hopefully they'll have tofu again) with Shelby at The Red Orchid and watch "Robin Hood Men in Tights" and laugh a whole lot. I will stretch out my back, and I will keep moving. I'm not letting Death Spine win this one again. I don't have the time or the money to play games with my back again.
I will find my beautiful sister-in-law the right copy of the children's book I've written so she can continue working on illustrations. We will get that sucker published yet. I will actually think about Nikky's question of where I want to be in 5 years because the more I think about it the more I realize, I've got no plans, and I'm no longer okay with that.
What I know is this: I cannot wait for someone else to plan a life with. I can't keep putting my future on hold because I'm afraid that if I go ahead and make plans, I'll be alone forever. Maybe I will be alone or maybe this is just a long season, but either way, putting my life on hold because I'm scared of something I can't be sure of is not going to help. I nearly died about a year and a half ago, and I think I've been trying to figure out how to live ever since. I think it's time I work on decorating my own soul and making my world colorful and bright for myself because it's not anyone else's job but mine, and really, if I can make my world more colorful and bright, I think that color will spill into and change the lives of the people I love and meet.
Maybe I should be the one bringing flowers.