- The feeling of accomplishment from finishing Dave Eggers' A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
- Superpoke! on Facebook
- Spending money on things I don't really need
- Soft yarn
I'm trying to convince myself that either: a) This girl means nothing. This "new friend Jenny" means absolutely nothing. Or b) That he means nothing to me.
B is total bull. TOTAL bull.
"A" on the other hand..."a." I can do nothing to prove anything about "a." I don't know if I even want to. Maybe I should remain delusioned. I mean, how long did I really think he was going to go on like this? No one should have to be alone for long. And he's been alone for about 3 or so years. Then again, so have I. Dang it.
And what do we have to show for these things? Nothing. Heartache. Lots and lots of heartache. I have more rejection than anyone should normally be able to cope with. So I'm being over-dramatic. So sue me. I don't care right now. I'm just hurt.
To be honest, I'm angry. I feel hopeless and this annoys me. I know things will work out. I know that I should trust in God because He's got this worked out somehow.
I'm angry because if he's not the right guy, I may have let the right guy get hurt by this point. I might have hurt him and lost a very valuable chance, but eh...
No regrets, dang it.
And how can I fight for him? I want to fight for him. But how can I do that? I don't now this "new friend Jenny." I don't know who she is or her intentions. I don't even know his intentions for sure at this point, so it's kind of irrelevant, but still...You're supposed to be able to fight for the ones you love. There I said it. LOVE. But I really don't even want to say that. Because if I can't keep him forever, I don't want to give him a word that exerts more power and importance than anything else at all...
I'm losing my mind. Or am I? bwahaha. Sorry, I had to throw that in there. Somehow, you just have to lighten the mood.
"Still don't have a reason..." *dances incredibly badly around the library*
And I'm off...