(One of my favorite of Nikky's sketches...I just like the idea of a beautiful night city in the clouds)
I wish I could move my keyboard at the desktop computer. Just enough so that I could turn myself all the way to one of the windows and just stare out as I type with the keyboard on my lap, but as that's not possible, I'll settle for taking a look out the window every few seconds. I can't help but stare in wonder out the windows today. The sunshine is stunning, and I can see the earth trying to slowly change color. There's a woman out standing on her balcony that I've never seen before and she's out smoking in the sunshine. You know what I'm finding funny? How when a person is lighting a cigarette with their head bowed into their palms...it almost looks like they're praying.
My brain seems to be wanting to be a little bit insomniac again. I haven't been able to get to sleep well lately. It just seems like there's always something extra running through my veins to a point where my skins seems to crackle and itch with electricity when I'm laying in bed feeling restless and broken. It leads to a lot of questions and late night discussions with God. I think I'm still missing something from these talks, but maybe I'm getting closer.
Last night was probably the worst so far this time around. I kept having to turn on my light and grab something more to read. I spent awhile reading different versions of John 1, and realized that this would only lead to me being aggravated. The NIV takes way too many liberties and doesn't really tie into the original Greek at rather important junctures. This probably didn't help my already keyed up mind very much. I eventually gave up trying to resolve my restlessness in John and turned my lights back off. There was quite a bit more tossing and turning and a few more questions asked of God. It made me all the more glad that I'd gotten rid of the leftover Viodocin I'd found in my dresser from when the doctor gave me some for my back. Those pills were going to become trouble if I didn't get rid of them, and I'm glad God gave me the sense to recognize that. I can pretty much guarantee they would have been what I turned to last night if I hadn't destroyed them.
Maybe life is little victories. Getting rid of pain pills. Drinking green tea in the morning instead of multiple cups of coffee. Taking a walk outside in the sunshine instead of going back to bed. Doing something for someone else when you could be feeding your own addictions.
Sometimes I feel like living for God is too big for me. Like His expectations and desires are beyond anything I can contain or abide by, but then I remember that I Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, but when you are tempted he will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." He won't let things come into my life that I can't surpass with his power. Nothing big.
He's the God of little things too.
So, really, my idea of little victories isn't that crazy. Each little thing that I do right is a victory. Each choice I make can be a victory. Even down to clearing out my thoughts and repeatedly turning my lamp back on so that I focus again can be a victory.
Maybe this sounds crazy to you, but it's my thought today. I'm going to live today in the realm of little victories, and I'll see where it takes me. Let's hope today is blessed for all of us.