Monday, October 22, 2007

When Dreams Don't Lie

Let's skip my favorite things list for a moment and totally break protocol.

My nightmare was completely accurate (expect for the part about Jeff, and right now, I don't know if I even mentioned that part). "New friend Jenny" is very real. I knew it. He really likes her.

And now for the weirder part, I still can't cry. Not that it's even been 2 hours since I found out about this, but I just can't. I hope he's happy. He deserves all the happiness in the world. He's a good man. A strong man. And I think he's wonderful. I've been praying for him daily, that he would find peace and joy, that if I wasn't the girl for him that God would bring him that girl.

No, I'm not saying that this girl is for sure The One for him, but if she was, that's wonderful. Sure, it means that I'm still here broken hearted, but my time will come. Eventually. I don't ever want to be any one's last resort or 2nd choice. I want to be first. This is important to me, and I don't ever want to do that to anyone else either.

Right now there's a definite void. Very defined. And it's going to be frustrating putting him in a new place in the order of how I think and feel, but I will do it.

As much as I am tired of this place, it's the right one...

And now, to totally mess with everything normal, I shall make a list because this needs to end on a more positive note than me dwelling on being miserable. It would be a lousy thing for me to do.

Favorite things of this very moment (10:28 am):
  • The Internet
  • Real Simple magazine
  • Walks
  • That I can check my email at work
  • Sleep
  • "Here's to the Night" by Eve 6
  • Grapes (which remind me of such silly times and taste oh, so good)
  • My lovely Fiji water bottle
  • The truth (even when it hurts)
I'm out.

1 comment:

nikkyrowell said...

Im going to call you so we can talk about seriousness.
But I love grapes too!! Especially concord grapes, that have the seeds thatyou have to spit out and disgust everyone at ABC with! Those are the best! least I dont eat skittles out of my shoe...maybe if I did, I would be getting married soon...ouch.