Monday, October 24, 2011

This is Madness


Alright, now that that's out of the way, let me explain.

For the past few months I have had an increasingly weird sense of deja vu.  Recently multiple members of my family ranging from my grandmother to siblings to parents to cousins to youngest brother's ex-girlfriend to one of my ex's younger brothers to close friends all tell me I am going to date or marry my friend Jay.

To this I say, yeah right.

Let me explain something to you wonderful people.  I spent about 3 years trying to win his heart.  He was aware of this by the end and he rejected me not once but 2 times.  There were words and kindness and he never meant to hurt me, but he never meant to love me either.

Jay is a fantastic guy.  Someone my life would be much quieter and lonelier without and not nearly as silly, but that's where this has to end.  He may be one of my best friends, but I am not going to marry him.

Yes, I know I am always telling people they should marry their best friends, and I am not changing my position on this.  I just don't intend to marry Jay.

So much would have to change.  And he would have to actually pursue me.  I refuse to be won over easily and I refuse to let this just happen.

On top of which, he hasn't changed at all since then.  I mean, not towards me.  As a result, what are these people seeing?  I have been told we work well together and have chemistry.  That may be true, but I have had "chemistry" with other people in the past and never married them.  Chemistry is not enough.

So...I guess what I am saying is, I am tired of this.

I don't want to marry him.  I don't ever want to be something someone settles for and I don't want him to be either, and that's the only way I can see this happening right now.

I want to be needed and I NEED to be wanted.  He can't do that.  The end.

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