Saturday, July 2, 2011

Why I Need a Passport ( Or I Am Worth a Second Look)

Morocco, I long to visit thee.

Today I wrote my first article for a really cool company called Tramp Imperial Travel ( that takes people on tours through Morocco. If you're wanting to travel there, check them out. I know I want to travel there. This, as I'd like to point out, is one of the reasons I need my passport. How does a person get to be 25 years old and never own a passport? Ah...This needs to be changed.

It's also exciting to be able to say that I am a freelance writer. I never thought I would be afforded an opportunity like this, and I am hoping that this will blossom into something good.

I also had a good talk with my mom this evening about one of my exes. I talked to him today for the first time in a long time. I miss the friend I had in him for years, but the guy I talk to now is never that guy. He's someone I don't recognize, and I sometimes wonder which version of himself he'll be when we talk or which version of him is even real. He's a human emotional personality chameleon. Every person he's dated has caused him to take on a new persona. It reminds me a lot of Julia Robert's character, Maggie in "Runaway Bride." He tries to become exactly what the other person wants. With me he was a hilarious and good Christian guy. After me he became a guy very interested in art and becoming a starving artist by drinking and doing every drug he could get ahold of (maybe he still does), then a guy super interested in health and vegetarianism, and then a guy who was obsessed with film and all it's aspects, and now he's a health nut who works out.

I miss my version, but at the same time...I'm glad that ended. In the past few weeks, I've been reminded of all the things I didn't do. Most of them were dreams I had that he told me I wasn't capable of, wasn't talented enough to do, wasn't pretty enough for, didn't have the right body type for, was too clumsy for...that I wasn't good enough.

But do you know who I am? I don't. And I'm actually a little excited about that. I've lived for many years thinking I was less than I am, but I'm something special. I'm worth a second look, and someday someone is going to say, "Hey let's go to Bali" or "Let's go to Canada or Paris or anywhere..." When that person comes along...darn it, I'm going to have that passport.

One last thing, because I haven't done this in awhile:

Favorite things of this very moment (10:24 pm CST):

  • Unsweetened ice tea

  • Sanctus Real's great song "'Til I Got to Know You"

  • Knowing I fixed my computer speakers on my own

  • Knowing my family is in the living room watching Disney's lovely cartoon version of "Robinhood" at this very moment

  • That I finished and turned in my first writing assignment for Tramp Imperial Travel

  • That I am actually, for real, no joke, a freelance writer

  • Having several jobs (Tramp Imperial Travel, the pharmacy, Basket Beginnings, the last of which I probably forgot to mention, but I am working there off and on to cover for people over the rest of the summer starting with tomorrow afternoon)

  • Owning my own copy of Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows

  • Hope

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