Monday, October 11, 2010

This & That

(The above picture is one my friend Brandon Clark took recently while he was traveling. His note with this picture was that it's a picture of the last road to St. Joe. Whatever it is, I think it's beautiful)

Favorite Things of This Very Moment (11:04 pm EST):

  • The cast of Glee singing on shuffle on iTunes
  • The 25 cent ring happily, ridiculously displayed on my left pinky given to me by Jordan and Amber
  • Knowing that tomorrow morning will be spent with Caleb and Abigail
  • Getting an email from Dar considering that I wasn't sure how best to get ahold of her to tell her that I was in fact not dead
  • Amber and Jake being back home
  • Knowing I get to see Nikky on Saturday night!
  • Life

Sadly, Jordan didn't get to come visit us, but I do know that we'll all get to see him at the end of the month, so it will be alright.

I'm, again, filled with words, but none of them seem to want to show themselves to anyone. Why is this?

Today I made a wish at 11:11 in the am. I consistently impress myself with my silly habits. I am highly aware of the craziness or imaturity of this particular tradition, but I feel like some of those are good to hold on to. You need to blow bubbles on the balcony and wish on stars. You need to color in coloring books and take the time to enjoy pudding or watch kids movies. I think sometimes this is the healthiest release a person can have.

Maybe that's just me.

A friend of mine posed a question this evening that I'm still working on finding an answer for. She asked who I am? Who any of us are.

I am many, many things. I told her that this was not a question to be answered all at once. That's something that would have to be answered over time. I'm still working on how all of this works. How do you go about explaining who you are? Is there a proper way to go about doing this?

Then again, I'm not terribly "proper" to begin with, so that probably won't work.


I think I can safely say this much: I am a woman who is still trying to figure out what truly catches and holds her joy and passion. I am trying to figure out what exactly God is trying to convey to me, what He is saying in my heart and life. I am a girl who loves coloring books, sharpies, and books, books, books. Especially if the books are used and have someone else's notes and writing in them. I love reading other people's love letters, and I love writing my own to a man that I have yet to meet. The little things in relationships are the ones that touch me the deepest, and I like writing thank you cards because you never know when that may be exactly what someone else needs to hear. I am envious of my best friend, Nikky's mad language skills because I have as of yet to get myself to learn one languange let alone 4 or 5 (what's the count now, Nik? It always amazes me). I am a major weeper (as Jude Law says in the Holiday). Scary movies of any variety really aren't something I want anything to do with because I feel like life is scary enough and if I wanted an adreneline rush, I'd learn to cliff dive (I so want to). I am magic and light. I sometimes speak in poetry and wish I was more like Shakespeare or Whitman or Edna St. Vincent Millay or, possibly the best of the best, Pablo Neruda, but then I think, God gave me the words I have...why wish they were someone else's?

I know I'm cryptic at times, and I know so many other times I say things that are so transparent, but do you hear what I'm saying?

I do not know the extent of who I am. I am trying to find that out.

Do you know something about me that I don't? Do you see something that I don't see?

Just some questions to throw out into the night, but I'll take any answers you can supply. And with that, I say good night.

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