Friday, October 8, 2010

A Lot of Words I was Desperately Needing to Hear

I initially thought to myself: I want to title this post as "I'm Mad as Hell and I'm Not Going to Take it Anymore!" but then I thought...that really doesn't apply to what I want to say.
I'm not really sure all of what I want to say, but I can say this: He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo is like a smack upside the head tonight. The movie was excellent, but the other day I realized Amber had a copy of this fantastical book, and as she's disappeared on me for the weekend, I decided to commandeer the book and read it. I don't think I'll regret this.
In fact, with any luck, I'll actually think before I act. Miraculously, the first thing they try to impress on their readers is that if a guy likes you, he'll find a way to get to you. He'll do whatever it takes to call or get to know you. I already know this. I've learned this over the years. The guy needs to make the first move. Maybe you meet them somewhere and you really like them, but until they ask for your number or ask you out or find a way to get in touch with you...there's no point.
Don't get me wrong, I've heavily advocated making the first move over the years. For crying out loud, I've been the one making the first move for years. I meant no disrespect and I certainly didn't mean to throw off the groove of the guy I liked, but I also am not good at sitting around and waiting for a guy to pursue me. The thing I've learned though is that if I make the first move, the relationship never really works. Something always falls apart. Part of that is probably the fact that I never felt desired, but it also seemed like the guy was even less likely to do anything. He seemed almost lazy about everything between us.
I deserve better than that.
So do you.
I just finished reading Chapter 3 "he's just not that into you if he's not dating you: 'Hanging out' is not dating," and it really hits home. This sums up...everything. I can't deny that I like having guy friends. They're great, and I don't want to change that, but this chapter also pointed out that it's not worth waiting forever for a guy that says you're his "best friend."
This is when it hit me: I am the rule. Dang.
I realized that I've grown up with the belief that I am exactly like my mom. That my fairy tale relationship would probably be born under the same circumstances. That I would be some guy's "best friend" and that I'd spend all my time with him and he'd probably date other girls and confide in me, and then suddenly --like lightning!-- he'd realize I was the only one for him. This is what happened to my parents. They dated for a week, broke up, were best friends for about a year, and then my dad suddenly realized that he couldn't handle the idea of being apart from my mom. They were married 4 months later.
My mom was the exception. I on the other hand...I am the rule.
Again, I'm not going to stop being friends with guys, but I am going to try to stop allowing myself this crazed fantasy that if I just hang around long enough that a guy will change his mind about me. It doesn't work that way. If a guy actually wanted me, he'd pursue me.
I have to believe I'm worth that though. That I am valuable and worthy of love and, just as important, that I am desirable. The last one will be the hardest for me to really wrap my head around, but I think if I could do that...I could actually do this waiting thing.
I am worth it. I am serious business, and someday soon someone else will realize that, and then I'll be glad I didn't waste my time with the rest of these jokers.
Just so you know, you're gorgeous and worth it too. Someone out there is madly in love with you, and you'll know it when they find you. I will too.

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