Thursday, April 17, 2008


Again, my blog will be backwards...

Today has been interesting. I woke up this morning with Usher singing in my head because his was one of the last voices I got to hear before I went to bed last night (Nikky makes the best mix cds). Sadly, even though I was hearing Usher's beautiful voice singing words to a song I absolutely love and enjoy dancing badly too (though not nearly as creatively or badly as the people in "Hairspray"...that's just amazing), I was in a lousy mood. I woke up this morning absolutely dreading going to school. For some reason the idea of having to go to Sauk today seemed so much more horrible than Sarah's visitation. How messed up is that? *sigh*

Fortunately, Nikky went with me. I lied to my American Lit professor and told him she was interested in coming to Sauk and the class. It wasn't a complete lie. She was interested in seeing how the class worked, but we also had a Tornado drill today. Fabulous. That was actually interesting because I'd never seen Sauk's basement before.

Wow...the rambling. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I made it. I'm done with class. Nikky survived being at Sauk despite it's horrible decorating and depressing demeanor (although, I am sad she didn't have the pleasure of seeing Mr. Willoughby...he's so beautiful).

Now the real challenge, the one that should have been what I was dreading is looming. In a little less than 2 hours, I will be at the church facing what I've been staving off for 2 days....that my Sarah is dead.

The Sarah who played tackle football and soccer with Eric, David and I in the backyard of the house in Oregon, who fought with Jenni (which, to be perfectly honest, was hilarious to me), who baked everyone at Alfano's their favorite cookies, who made the world's best puppy chow, who knew my secrets and loved me anyway, who called me her big sister, who made me so proud, who was such a hard worker, who loved little kids and adored her neice and nephew, who took care of her big brothers and loved her parents (even if they did fight), who drove too fast, loved others so much, and now...has died all to young.

My Sarah.

Why did this happen?

"I lift my eyes unto the hills/Where does my help come from?/My help comes from the LORD/The maker of heavens and earth/...And I will praise you in this storm/And I will lift my hands/For You are who You are/No matter where I am/And all these tears I cry/You hold in Your hands"

My favorite things of this very moment (3:34pm CST):
  • http://http//
  • Linda stopping in to see if her grandson (*cough*) was still here (the bum...haha) because she was going to ask him for help with something
  • Uncle Jon
  • Having a water bottle
  • My cell phone
  • The beautifully decorated box that Nikky brought for me
  • Dark chocolate
  • Taco Bell
  • Sunshine and warm weather (complete with gentle breeze)
  • That Nikky is here
  • Graph paper
  • That I will finally be able to give Eric a hug tonight and give him the little...package I put together for him
  • Psalm 147:3, Psalm 121
  • Mix cds from Nikky (Kanye, Usher, All-American Rejects, Tyler Hilton, David Bowie...*sigh* joy and rapture)
  • Having the windows rolled down
  • That time really does ease some pain

I'm out.

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