Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Jesus Wept

I'm going to do this a little out of order and put my favorite things at the end this time. I just feel I'd rather end on a good note than begin with one and reverse its effect rather expeditiously.

Kayla called me today thinking it was Monday. As it's Tuesday that would seem silly except for the fact that life has been confusing and run together and eternal for the past 3 days. When you wake up on Sunday morning thinking things are going to be normal and only get to remain thinking that for about 2 hours...it kinda throws everything else off and makes it all go a haywire.

Sarah died. My beautiful little sister. I am brokenhearted. I didn't realize until this morning how completely in shock I had been because I hadn't really cried much since initially finding out on Sunday, but today I've been crying constantly. Everything reminds me of something else which causes me to cry which frustrates me which causes me to cry more which reminds me of something else which...well...you get the picture.

Needless to say...it's been a long day.

I've had numerous messages from friends telling me they're praying for the family and/or me and that I can call day or night. I am so blessed. I have a church family that is completely wonderful who are showing so much love and support for one another right now. I have wonderful friends, many of which are coming to show support for the family at the visitation and/or funeral this week.

The best message I've had all week was one from Kim today. She said that I don't have to be strong all the time. It's okay to cry. After all Jesus wept. That made me smile. It also really made me feel better. I've heard people say "Jesus wept," about a million times but never in this context. Jesus wept when his friend, Lazuras died. Why should it be any different for me? I will cry when I am sad, especially in a situation like this. I'm brokenhearted just as Jesus was. And just as Jesus did, I have hope for the future because someday I will see Sarah again. And I'll get to meet Lazuras. Sweet deal. Alright, I'm not trying to make light of this situation, but I am feeling much more encouraged at this point. Thank goodness for wonderful friends.

And now...my list of favorite things for this very moment (4:33pm CST):
  • The Internet
  • My cell phone (and the fact that I can turn it on vibrate and still let people get ahold of me)
  • Kim's encouraging words
  • That Nikky will be here tomorrow (which means more to me than I can ever say)
  • Knowing that I'll get to see Sarah someday
  • That I'll be done with work soon and I'll get to spend time with Amber tonight
  • That I talked to Eric today
  • Orbit gum (raspberry mint and peppermint)
  • Having a waterbottle with me at all times (especially when I'm currently prone to dehydration)
  • Sunshine and warm weather

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