The RAF Motto & Me & Grave Disappointments

"Those who risk win."

- RAF Motto

Yeah.  I've been thinking about this quote all day.  Last night and the day before too.  (That and Coach Z singing, "Coach Z's got money, but not much/Coach Z's got money, but not much/I could use a dollar/I could use a couple bucks"...I blame Joel for this.)

Today I got to ask Nikky what level of bad it was when the past few guys that have given you their number have been...uh...less than truthful about who they are.  I mean, at what point to I just start carrying things with me to throw at any guy that approaches me at all?  Is there a time when I'm just supposed to say "to hell with this" and convert to Catholicism and become a nun?

It might be hard to both say "to hell with this" and become a nun.  Plus, I have godsons to think about.  I can't be running off to become a nun.  I wouldn't be able to make money to spoil them with anymore, and that's totally unacceptable.

Dudes, fair warning, if I find out that you are lying to me, I will become a bad thing for you.  I may appear sweet, but I am a fighter.  

I wish risking was paying off, but I'm not sure it's ever gonna be a thing.  Not in this arena anyway.  

Alone

The stars shine so bright

They twinkle on my ceiling

It's after 2AM 

& I can't find my rubber mallet

I could try the old songs

But it would just remind me

That nights like this,

At the edge of alone,

I want to set everything

--yes everything--

On fire

At least the flames

Would give reason

To all this heat

All is quiet

Save the fan blades whirring on

And I'm fighting the urge

To hope from kind words

From strangers

When we're so often judged

By beauty

I worry for my heart

And are the lonely

Truly the kindest

Or is that supposed

To read as damaged?

Because my experience

Only sees that so far

Sometimes running alone

For so long

Causes you to forget

How to interact organically

How can you like me

When you don't know me?

How can I let you know me

When I'm not sure I like me?

And I'm a cactus flower

In a lonely desert

And I'm the sailor

Called by your song to the rocks

How many boats will I lose?

How many deaths will I die?

Will I ever be enough?

I have the right skills

And my heart still beats

Can't that be enough?