Thursday, April 15, 2010


I often wonder where I’m going
Turn around and nothing ever seems the same
Life goes on
Does anyone even know my name?
Am I invisible in this world?
The plans never stop changing
Reminds me of the merry-go-round my brother and I loved to play on as kids
Spinning in circles looking over the whole park
The only constant was the sky full of clouds and the sun
There’s a beauty in the circles you spin
It’s the dizziness that follows that can make you crazy
Maybe I just need to jump off
And hold still till the spinning of my plans-mind-life subside
Then I’ll be able to get up and walk away without so much fear in falling

Am I ever going to get out of here? I love this old drafty house with its huge picture windows and cozy little rooms. I love the kitchen that overlooks our small backyard with the trees and the garden my mom works so hard to maintain over the summer. Her glowing summer pride and joy.

I love the front porch. It has been the meeting place of many great minds along with a safe place for broken hearts to gather and share together. To drink juicebags and ice tea and laugh at each other.

I love the sidewalks covered in chalk drawings made by teenagers and adults, not just the occasional small child. This place is childhood and growing into your own…both written on the sidewalk and the walls.

I love the porch swing that I have often occupied during summer thunderstorms because it was the best place to see the rain and feel the perfection of the breeze flowing through the widows.

I love the fact that my closet is so big that I frequently find myself using it as a changing room. I love the old fashioned light fixture that hangs in my room, even if it frequently seems too bright.

I love that when I walk in the front door after being out I hear the voices of people I love. That has always and will always be my favorite part of this house. That is what I will miss most, but this is also why I know I don’t need to be afraid. These people will always love me, and this home will always be my haven. Knowing it’s there is like having an anchor in a choppy sea, you always have a connection and something holding you safe.

It’s going to be alright.

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