Wednesday, July 2, 2008

As Nikky Once Said, "Life Moves."

Favorite things of this very moment (2:23 pm CST):

  • Hope that things might just be working out
  • Having the obvious pointed out to me when I'm way too blind to see it
  • That the tall one is not only reading Twilight but also enjoying it and (as the man of any girl's dreams would do) taking notes...oh yeah...
  • Smiling more than I ever dreamed possible
  • Sun tea in a gleaming teal & silver thermos
  • Rechargeable batteries
  • Knowing that when I check my email...he'll have emailed me back
  • New questions to answer
  • Good dreams (he's been in all of them this week...every last one)
  • "Hercules" (Sometimes Disney really does make wonderful movies)
  • Finding inspiration to write after two years of aching emptiness and complete and total writer's block
  • Being told he's still working on another mix for me (Sweetest Mix Ever 3!)
  • Sidewalk chalk
  • My beautiful digital camera
  • Blueberry scented bubbles
  • Knowing I've almost perfect this next mix and the story behind it should be as beautiful and transparent as is possible...
  • That he's coming on Friday...*sigh*

*shrugs* Right now the smile on my face is the size of Texas. I decided to check my email again before I started getting things ready to go to work, even though I didn't think it would do me any good, and there, gloriously enough, I already had an email back from my tall handsome friend. He is something magical. Truly magical.

I'm terrified of the hope that seems to be unstoppable and overflowing through my system. Could I finally have life moving in my favor?

Nikky and I decided that, as of yesterday, the year must only get better. The first 6 months of 2008 have been one nightmare after another. So many friends have died, so many people have been hurt, so many people have walked away, so many near death experiences have happened, and so much pain has blanketed life. All in 6 months.

We've entered the second half of 2008, and in this half only good things are allowed to show themselves.

Life is definitely moving. Quickly.

I called Sauk today. I go in to sign up for classes next Monday morning. I know they'll be confused as to why I didn't sign up for classes on my own online, but I really hate doing that. I like talking to people who train to help people who are just trying to figure things out tolerably, like myself, set up their schedules. One less thing to worry about. Perfect.

Maybe I'm not as ridiculous or as big a failure as I originally thought.

Apparently I'm fairly interesting too. I don't know what it is exactly, but I've managed to hook the attention of one of my absolute favorite people. I enjoy having questions to answer. I enjoy being able to say how wonderful he is on a regular basis. What I love most though is the fact that he's constantly talking back. I'm not having a one sided conversation with a wall. Instead, I've found a guy I can have deep discussions with and I'm feeling less ridiculous and self-conscious about it. On top of which, he is genuine and honest and insists that's what he wants from me. Without realizing what he's doing, he's slowly pulling down some of the walls I've maintained for years. He's letting me out...heh. I hope he's ready.

Like I said, the hope is a little scary. It's a struggle to accept the possibility that I may not be in this alone anymore. Perhaps...just perhaps...he actually is looking for me too.

Smile. The second half of this year has to get better. It already has.

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