Sunday, August 28, 2011

My Heart's a Mess

Favorite Things of This Very Moment (1:29 pm CST):

  • Death Cab for Cutie's "The Photo Album" uh...album

  • A large Unsweetened ice tea from Mickie Dee's

  • Work at Basket Beginnings (Seriously, this place is adorable, and I get played to hang out in a cool place where I buy all my yarn and get to work on the stuff I'm making while I'm in the store)

  • Upbeat and lovely people that come into the shop

  • The "Bubbles" ring tone on my phone

  • Remembering Jay & I's nice talk on Friday night

  • Knowing I have dinner with Morgan, Adam and Brian to look forward to on Wednesday night

  • Realizing Sam is so ingrained in ABC and so outside of the regular world that he hadn't even heard about Hurricane Irene (which also means that ATL wasn't really hit like I was afraid it would be...*phew*)

My heart's a mess.

Right now I am sitting in Basket Beginnings thinking about how I should either be working on the baby blanket I am making for Olivia (my friend, Stephanie's little girl) or I should be working on my new epic to-do list, but neither is properly appealing to me. Not sure why.

Maybe I am just thinking too much. I don't know. Today at church, Michael's sermon was about staying connected to the true vine so that you are constantly plugged into the power of God. The Sunday School lesson that Rachel was working on with the kids was about making sure that you are listening for God's wisdom and plan not just thinking everything we think and say and do is always right or best.

You think maybe He's speaking to my heart? I think so.

I have been disconnected a lot lately. Part of it is feeling displaced, but a lot of it is my selfish want to wallow in my own frustration and stress and sadness.

Is my life that bad? No. And is this truly just selfish? Oh yes. I need to be finding ways to better connect and stay connected, not more ways to pull apart. I guess today is one of those days where I need to really take a look at this messy heart of mine and realize that maybe the Mountain Goats had it all right...maybe "a weekend in Provo won't fix what's wrong" with me.

I hope I am smart enough to let go of what is tearing me apart and instead start embracing the things that will truly heal me up.

No comments: