I don't ever want to become someone who goes somewhere just because alcohol is available. I don't want to become someone who has to work 2 or 3 jobs to pay off debts resulting from my own silliness or because someone left me. I don't want my diet to become nothing more than diet Coke, yogurt, and granola bars. I don't want to become desperate and think I'm in love with any guy who smiles at me. I don't want to be in my late 40's chasing after attractive young single fathers in their mid- to late 20's thinking, with some kind of insanity, that it will work out. I don't want to marry someone only to have them basically use me as a cover for the fact there's something wrong with them or they just "need" to be with me or they're just desperate or bored or just because I'm convenient or available.
What I want is to believe that with or without the love of some guy, I'll be alright. To be able to work at one job I love and help others in some way. To find a way to be debt free (except for occasional credit card purchases that will be paid off as soon as possible or when holding a manageable mortgage for a house that fits my needs and/or the needs of my family). To be able to look at myself in the mirror without cringing. To believe in myself.
I want to be happy.
"I want to err on the side of compassion." - Terrence Raper
A verse to remember when struggling:
"Flee from sexual immorality...You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." - I Corinthians 6:18-20
I think this is a great verse, not only for avoiding sexual sin, but also for my overeating.
This body isn't mine. It belongs to God. I was bought for a price and therefore I must do the right thing and avoid the temptation to simply eat whatever I want whenever I want or when I'm lonely or aching. Instead, I need to do the right things and eat when I am hungry, not just anytime I feel like it.
"Don't ever again say that you're not 'valuable,' Antanasia. Or not beautiful. Or, for god's sake, 'fat.' when you get the urge to indulge in such ridiculous, misplaced self-criticism, remember yourself at this moment." -Lucius Vladescu, Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side
Every woman needs a man to tell her that. To let her know she's worth it. To help her see that it's more important to have a presence than to be a toothpick or blend in with every other girl. Be who you are. Be what you truly are. You're beautiful today, you were beautiful yesterday, and you'll be beautiful tomorrow. Never doubt it, never forget it. Stand tall and be proud of you. You're beautiful.
Favorite things of this very moment (12:24 pm CST):
- Burgundy colored nail polish
- Every Man's Battle
- Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side
- "Dudley Do-Right" on DVD...it makes me smile. So silly.
- Notebooks to fill with bizarre junk for your best friend
- Getting the phone numbers you need
- Finally having a good idea of how I am going to do my paper/presentation for HSV 270
- Books, I love books
- Sunshine the color of gold dripping across every thing inside and out
- That today is another day I can choose to make good decisions and do what's right