I am completely exhausted. I thought I was going to fall asleep standing up in my living room earlier while laughing at Stephen Cobert. I am rarely so tired as I am tonight, but here I am over an hour later staring at my computer screen and slowly finding words to type.
I couldn't help it. I just wanted to know if anyone had said a word to me on the ridiculous online dating site I semi-recklessly signed up for. Especially since my dear friend Jordan issued a challenge last night, and in order to resolve it, I have to attempt to actually stick with this site for a little while and give it a chance. Most everything in me would like to run screaming away from this because of all the "what if's" like "What if no one likes me?" "What if the guy I end up liking and actually agreeing to meet actually ends up to be a serial killer and he murders me before we even go to dinner?" "What if a guy asks me to meet him and then he turns out to be a total liar?" "What if I find a great guy and then scare him off by being myself?" etc. etc. etc.
Yes, I am overthinking this. It tends to be what I do in such moments, but at least I'm trying to do something different. I keep hoping I'll realize I'm living through all the things that will be the 30 second or so worth of montage that shows all the steps I took to change something for the better in my life. It really isn't a bad life, but I'd like it if I could fill it with more color.
Always more color.
So for now, good night.
Favorite Things of This Very Moment (12:05 AM CST):
- Tom Hiddleston reading Derek Walcott's Love After Love
- Knowing I should have a new bed set up to sleep on tomorrow night
- The game 1010! (I blame you for this, Caroline Walters!)
- Peyton Manning getting this super bowl win (He's still my favorite)
- That I can actually sleep in tomorrow! Woo!
- Jordan's challenges & Nikky's hilarious encouragement and kindness