For the past few months I've been trying to decide if I wasn't feeling anything for anyone because I was depressed or if it was just because there is no one to care for or hope for. To tell the truth, I am still not sure of the answer. I'm leaning towards the second, but sadly that always circles right back around to the first.
It's been a couple years since I felt something was right and that I was certain. Everything inside of me would tangle and dance and scream and explode with joy and anguish and hope. How I miss that. I guess the reality is that I miss the certainty. I miss believing in something.
Nights like tonight I wonder if I'm destined to do this life alone, and if I am, I wish I could come to terms with that and keep going.
I need real hobbies. Maybe I'll take up gardening like Nick Miller...Ha.
Favorite things of this very moment (11:26 pm CST):
- John Mayer
- My Amazon Wishlist
- New & old books newly purchased to read
- Cooler weather
- Forrest's willingness to kill the far too large for comfort spider that showed up in my room this evening with a plastic ninja sword because I hadn't been able to kill it with a Kleenex box and was refusing to get off my bed after watching it crawl under my dresser (seriously though...where the heck did that monster come from?!)
- My new job on the horizon
- Good things truly being on the way