Even though I never wrote you letters growing up, I am finding that I love doing this as an adult. I love that you are a great embodiment of the ideals of kindness, generosity, grace, and hope. You give kids hope that goodness and virtue are to be awarded, and I think we need more of that.
Getting older reminds me constantly of the desperate need of hope. Hope for something better, for something to pull us through. Having faith gives me hope that at the end of this life I will open my eyes to a real "happily ever after," but sometimes the day to day hope and joy and dreams get lost or broken in the shuffle.
This year, my 26th year, has been full of the unexpected, the unplanned, and disrupted, but also full of real joy and growth. In looking back, I can see a couple of things that I wouldn't mind adding to my life, so here's my list this year:
- A new dream, please. The past couple years were spent wrapped in a crazed hope and deep love for a man who chose to love someone else. I am sure time will prove this to be the right course for both of us, but it's left me with an emptiness and loneliness that tend to make nights long and give me no true outlet for my heart. Please, please bring me a new dream.
- Courage. The word "cancer" rings through my head at least once a day and has me thinking about updating my will, fighting back tears, and wondering what I will do if that word truly attaches itself to my life come January...I would like the courage to face whatever comes next with true grace, gratefulness and dignity because...I am scared, and I don't want fear to win.
- The right plan. I am tired of having no solid direction. I just want this to be obvious. Do I move? To where? When? How? Clarity in this would make all the difference.
- A ukulele. I have wanted one for ages, and I just figure it's something that can make me smile even if I'm not good at playing. I can definitely use something more to make cheerful, silly music with.
Thanks for reading this, Santa. I know you're busy, and you've got lots of dreams and hopes and wishes to fulfill. I wish you all the best for your work and Christmas. Thanks for giving us all one more reason to smile and for lighting up the eyes of little ones everywhere.
With a cheerful heart & good wishes,
ps. Could you also bring me some new purple pens? My good one ran out of ink tonight. Thanks, Santa. Merry Christmas.