Sunday, September 25, 2011

Change of Heart

Sometimes the darkness really is a terrible thing.  Sometimes it finds you looking through old pictures and seeing yourself a long, long time ago with a boy that you, at the moment they were taken you were certain you would be spending the rest of your life holding onto.  And he thought that too.

But no matter how long you look at this picture, and no matter how happy you both looked in this picture, you know now how that story ends.  The way so many of our stories end.  It ends with a lot of tears, and questions.

Why didn't it last?  Why didn't this love work?  What was wrong with it?  What was wrong with you?  Why couldn't they love you anymore?

And then you realize it just wasn't meant to be.  They weren't supposed to be the center of your universe.

God was.

And the more I look at this, the more I realize this was just one of those beautiful bits of my story.  I bear a lot of scars from the boy in that picture, but I also learned so much about myself because of him.  And as angry as I was for so long at him, it wasn't his fault things didn't work out.  We just were not what the other one needed.  The closer I became to God and the stronger in myself I became, the farther from him I became.

This is good.

Now I know that God is the center of my universe, whatever love I am meant to keep for mine for forever...he will be standing at my side searching for God with me.  We'll be journeying through life together with all the hope and joy and courage we can muster.  Holding each other up and not letting one another fall away.

My deepest wish is that we all find that.  The wonderful, beautiful boy in the picture with me does too.

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