Friday, October 16, 2009


Favorite things of this very moment (10:57 am CST):

  • New socks

  • "They Never Got You" by Spoon

  • Hair clips that for whatever reason don't want to work with my mother, but seem kinda fond of me

  • Sunshine and the wind blowing through the multi-colored leaves falling outside

  • Feeling the urge to dance, and taking it

It is a strange thing to have spent 3 years in solitude with this blog, and to suddenly be discovered. I can't say I'm complaining, but I can say it was a shock to see a comment on this blog yesterday when I rarely have them. And only from Nikky or the random stranger when I do. But yesterday, I was located by a friend. I had to reevaluate the purpose of this blog.

This space in the universe has been a place to disclose thoughts that don't always find their way into my regular speech. I may be honest, but I'm not always capable of saying the whole. Maybe I'm shy or maybe I'm vain. All I know is that I've been good at hiding much of my heart for most of my life. I think it comes from years of allowing part of my heart to lay uncovered on my sleeve like a badge of honor, but when I've done that I've always ended up with cuts.

There's a line in Death Cab for Cutie's song "Someday You Will Be Loved" that says, "Cause each broken heart will eventually mend as the blood runs red down the needle and thread someday you will be loved." I love that line. Maybe that's morbid, but morbid often sums it up. I often see hearts in this manner, as something cut, broken, bleeding...something in need of care, consideration, and mending.

I guess many times, this blog has become my heart's cry to heal. My secret place to look at the wounds I have received or the scars I sometimes trace with my fingers. There are many on this heart of mine. Young as I am, there is so much there. I find it amazing that this is just my one heart bearing these scars, and it makes me wonder...what do the scars of those I love look like? And the scars I sense the presence of, what stories do they tell?

So here I sit, listening to songs of love, loss, and life...questioning who I am and wanting to know so much more about those around me. Is there ever an end to the curiosity and wonder in my heart? Sometimes I wish there was, but I know the day I stop questioning and wanting to know...that's the day I'll have given up on life. May that day never come. This hunger was placed in my wandering heart for a purpose.

This blog is truly just sketches of my patchwork soul. Read them, enjoy them, but just please respect that this is my heart and depth you're looking into. And in this quiet space, you are seeing them without my many masks.


Jordan said...

You have my word, as your brother in Christ.

I will not disrespect what is written in this place; and will give it full gravity, as it is due.

Good night, you wonderful child of God.

Jaymin said...

I appreciate that Jordan.