Sunday, August 10, 2008

Why Being One of the Guys is Not Always a Good Thing

Favorite things of this very moment (1:50 pm CST):

  • Hearing "A Little Less Conversation" sung by Elvis blaring over the loudspeakers in a Chinese stadium
  • Ice tea (I don't think I can mention this enough)
  • Fresh pineapple
  • Knowing I get to see Jenna in just a couple of hours
  • Seeing Paxton at church this morning
  • Watching all the little ones dance through the service today
  • The tall one (he makes me happy)
  • That Ben is loving the Twilight series (oh yes, another convert to my convoluted, beloved obsession)
  • Pink handled scissors
  • Hearing Mom say, "The man is the head of the household," and Joel responding with, "But the woman is the neck and she can turn the head whichever way she wants it."
  • Perfect golden, beautiful sunshine highlighting the green and gorgeous trees and the wonderful cool weather

Jay and I went to Rockford this evening to visit Jenna. Met up at Starbucks, and after collecting a few humorous books, we sat down in the "cafe" and enjoyed our time.

The conversations that I have on these kind of visits are my favorite. Jay was a great addition to the mini-group. It was beautiful. So much awkward, so many topics, so many bad accents, so much shared humor, ridiculous insults, strange comments, and laughter. It needs to happen more often. Truly.

The question that most sticks in my mind was when Jay asked why it's so bad to be one of the guys. We had established that I am not a "normal" girl. That I am better capable to deal with and understand guys than girls in a lot of ways. They just make me feel more understood and comfortable. Jay didn't understand how it could be a pain for me to be one of the boys.

Let me explain. It's not that I don't enjoy being one of the guys. In a lot of ways it's great. I enjoy being able to spend huge amounts of time with large quantities of testosterone. I feel at ease there and I can hold my own. I make great friends who are loyal, protective, and wonderful this way. The problem is that you don't ever get to be anything more.

I am the girl every guy wants around. They "need" me. But they don't really. I'm a substitute person when they aren't in relationships, I am the best friend.

The problem is...I still haven't found anyone who really wants me. Who really needs me. Who sees me as a women, not just a best friend. That's why being one of the guys isn't the best. It's great, but until I find a guy who can see me for all that I won't be completely awesome.

Someday. Maybe someday soon...

Well, I'll keep dreaming.

No comments: