Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Someday You'll Ask For Me By Name

Favorite things of this moment (10:15 am CST):
  • Dan in Real Life
  • Cooler weather
  • The world's softest pink yarn
  • Men who have the all the words
  • Coffee with vanilla soy milk, cinnamon, and sugar in it...mmm...
  • That I'm not the only one who can't bowl
  • Getting advice from a friend about how you shouldn't pop your toes when you just had surgery on your leg
  • Bad dancing
  • Finishing a book
  • 2008 summer Olympics

Dan Burns: What don't I understand, Cara? Please, help me out. What is it? Is it frustrating that you can't be with this person? That there's something keeping you apart? That there's something about this person that you can connect with? And whenever you're near this person, you don't know what to say, and you say everything that's in your mind and in your heart, and you know that if you could just be together, that this person would help you become the best possible version of yourself?

That's what I want. Feeling that miserable would not be an all bad thing. If it meant I'd really found something I needed.

I realize this isn't what I should focus on. My life is silly enough. Love will show up in its own way and time eventually, but when you are watching something and suddenly the ache overwhelms you...what do you do? Or you're reading simple notes from someone, and even though they have no intention of grabbing your heart, it seems like they're pulling it out of you with a magnet? Or the one person you feel most comfortable spending time with regularly is a guy that you have trouble qualifying in your life? You know he's just a friend, and that's probably all he'll ever be, but sometimes you ache when you're with him because, at least with him, you're purely you and you don't have to cover for yourself.

When do you think you should tell someone how you feel? As a girl where should the lines be? Am I supposed to tell someone I think there's potential between us? Or am I supposed to allow them that freedom?

How do you know?

And is love something that I will find? Or is it just a dream that I've been caring around unnecessarily for all these year?

I doubt it. I don't think God places dreams this deep in your heart without any intention of helping you find the fulfillment of them.

Sooner or later, I'll get my answers. They're worth the wait.

1 comment:

nikkyrowell said...

This was really great. I loved that conversation...its perfect.

Things will work out! I know they will! And life will be ridiculous and there will be much bad dancing!

I love you!