Thursday, April 28, 2016

Plagiarizing Love

Dear Fictional Charcter/Real Liar,

You broke my heart. You did. I know it's stupid because I only talked to you for a couple of weeks, but I believed in you. 

Do you have any idea what a struggle it is for me on a daily basis to believe in myself? Any idea how long it takes me to really trust another person? How about how many times I've been left alone by liars?

No, of course you don't. Why would you put someone you don't know through something that will break their heart yet again and cause them to retreat a little further into their shell? 

I keep telling myself this isn't a big deal. You were probably just a jerk who was trying to steal someone's identity, but part of me is terrified. What would've happened if I had asked you to meet me alone? You weren't who you claimed to be, so would you have shown up? Are you a serial killer? Were you planning to assault me in some way? I don't have money or connection, so there's no real benefit to messing with me. 

I just don't understand why you'd be so cruel. 

I thought you were so kind. It's been a long time since I had encountered someone so kind. You asked questions and listened to my answers. You seemed so real. It's been years since I had any hope, and I finally felt a spark reigniting in the quiet of my heart. 

But you aren't real. You're a series of someone else's pictures with new words. Plagiarizing love. 

The worst part is how I so desperately wish it had been real. You were all the things I longed for. Well, the character you'd created sure was. I guess it just goes to prove I want something that's too good to be real. Could this be more painful?

Oh right, it's also embarrassing because I'd actually told a few people about you in an attempt to get good advice and figure out what I needed to do to pursue a relationship with you. Explaining what happened has been a delight. Everyone is now heartbroken for me and the looks of concern and pity have been fun. Even better when they're replaced by confusion on why I can't just get over this since the relationship I was developing with you wasn't real anyway...

Alone, alone, alone, alone...

Why couldn't you have just left me alone? Ignored me like any other guy? At least then I would be stuck with the loneliness I'm accustom to and not the loneliness of knowing how great it feels when you believe someone wants you and sees you and wants you to know them fully. Why did you have to make me aware of what I want, but can't have?

I hope you see this come back around to you because I don't know what else I can do. 


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