Wednesday, August 6, 2014

I've Always Relied on the Kindness of...Well...People I Know (and Occasionally Strangers)

Everything is stacked everywhere and I feel completely overwhelmed.  I have stacks of job ads.  I have stacks of framed pictures.  I have a huge stack of winter clothes I won't need for months tangled up with a pile of dresses I never take the time to wear.  I have stacks of books and stacks of movies.  I have 2 little stacks of random gifts, letters, and notes that need to go into a box so I can send them to my best friend, Nikky sometime in the not so distant future.  I have stacks of photo albums, and tonight I just feel like my life is a series of piles strewn about on my floor.

Everyone wants to help, everyone wants to ask questions, everyone wants me to come visit them soon or to go to lunch, and everyone wishes this hadn't happened.

Me too.

I keep trying to tell myself that resigning from this job that I believed was my dream job would somehow rectify what was going on.  Doing this would help me find my path back, and I still think it will, but sitting here surrounded by all this stuff that I'd honestly like to throw into the street and never see again, it's hard to believe.  (In my head I can just see all my stuff stacked on the curb as I watch out our porch windows as people come and dance with glee at their good fortune to find stacks of wonderful books and music and movies and clothes and everything as if it were that seen in Elizabethtown where Drew gets to witness just that.)

What's keeping me together is the God keeps reminding me how loved I am.  My siblings, sister-in-law, parents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and close friends keep reminding me.  People keep trying to connect me to job opportunities or volunteering as references.  People keep trying to help me get all my stuff in one place or move things for me.  People keep hugging me and telling me how glad they are to see me home.  People keep offering to injure certain offending parties.  I guess I keep trying to spread out all those beautiful kindnesses and gifts in front of me and put them on top of all the stacks.  It may seem like that would add to the mess, but really it just makes everything a little brighter and more beautiful.

Everything about this is insane, but at least there's hope.

1 comment:

hnh said...

Just keep moving forward dear. I don't know how we actually do that other than one limping step at a time, but it's better than nothing. You got this.