Day 1: Nikky

After what seems to be a long hiatus, I'm back.  I've decided to accept the Write 31 Days challenge for 2015, so for the next 31 days (barring the typical level of weird incidents my life likes to be full of) I'll be here writing.  We're supposed to pick a topic to spend 31 days writing about, and that is proving to be the most difficult part.  Part of me wants to write on love.  Part of me wants to write about gratitude.  Part of me wants to write about change and challenge since I'm trying to face both, so in the end I think I'm going to be writing about some of the incredible people I love as a sort of tribute/letter to them/thank you/love letter.  Gratitude for incredible people and the love I feel for them and what they do.  I hope this doesn't mess with the general idea of this challenge too much.  We'll see.  At any rate, here's day one.

Dear Nikky,

Thank you.

I started writing this letter and realized I was writing it to the Internet to explain who we are when the whole reason I was going to write this letter was to tell you how grateful I am that you're a part of my life.  I hope it's not too embarrassing that I'm doing this in a public forum and that people we know might see it along with who knows how many perfect strangers.  Somehow putting it out in the universe makes it both anonymous and incredibly long lasting, and hopefully you'll feel okay with that.

I'm just grateful.  I'm grateful you still write me letters back and tell me your stories even though we're states apart.  I'm grateful for the long phone calls when we find time to make that work.  I'm grateful that you call me your sister and your best friend.  I'm grateful for the gales of laughter over highly inappropriate things and incredibly awkward moments.  I'm grateful that you have always been willing to stand with me and stand up for me and that you've always had my back.

Even more than this, I'm glad that despite all the change, health issues, relationships, and everything that we are still friends and still manage to grow closer as the years go by.  I will never be able to express to you how incredibly honored and surprised and amazed I was when you asked if I would be willing to be your boys' godmother.  I've never been asked anything so important or so easy to say yes to.  A day hasn't gone by since you asked that I haven't been amazed all over again by your trust and that I haven't been awash with gratitude with the opportunity this affords me.  I adore your boys, and I will do everything I can to make them feel loved and wanted no matter what life brings our way.

My plan is still for us to be roughly 103 and living in the same nursing home stirring up trouble by racing our wheel chairs down the hall and scaring the crap out of the new CNA's, so you and Yan need to stay healthy and very much alive.  I'm still hoping one of these days I'll meet a great guy, settle down, and have a couple kids of my own so that my godsons can have godsiblings (is that weird to say? "godsiblings?" is that a thing?), but even if it doesn't, I'll enjoy getting to be a part of your boys' lives.  Thank you for giving me that joy.

And Nik, I love you.  We make the weirdest, best pair and I am glad God gave me you as a sister and as a friend.

Love,
Jaymin

I Love It When a Plan Comes Together

There are few things in life more delightful than watching a book or story you've written come to life. I got to spend a little time with my fantastic and incredibly talented sister-in-law, Kelsey who is doing the illustrations for a children's book I've written. Seeing her sketches & ink drawings of my little armadillo is truly a treasure. She is bringing my creation to life, and with a little luck and time and a good deal of perserverance, I think we'll get this published. Out of all the crazy bits and bobs of my life currently, seeing my book actually come to life with Kelsey's endearingly adorable drawings is easily the most rewarding. 

My hope is for us to get the book finished this year (illustrations and all) and find a way to get it published with the next. I want to make sure Conor gets to have a copy of this of his own before he outgrows it. (Especially seeing as how the story is one I wrote with him in mind.)

I can't wait. 

Sweet Summer (IN MARCH!)

Favorite Things of This Very Moment (or possibly today in general depending on how long this post takes me to write since I'm a little disconnected, but in a good way this time, although it makes it difficult to spell and keep track of my thoughts, 12:53 pm CST):

• Emails from the Amazing Amy (Oh how I miss you!)
• Huge cups of unsweetened ice tea
• Knowing there will be fresh sun tea to look forward to at home when I'm done here at work
• Basket Beginnings
• Pulling out Dashboard's Dusk & Summer album so I can play it at work (still my summer cd!)
• Sunshine, glorious, glorious gold sunshine that makes everything feel of hope and summer and causes even the breeze itself to feel like gold brushing your skin
• Hope, hope, hope
• Memories of all the laughter of last night's Alfano's dinner with Hilary and all the great people that came to see her while she was home
• The incredibly bright peach/pink shirt I bought myself yesterday 
• Getting to wear flip-flops in MARCH in ILLINOIS!!!!

God is so incredibly cool. 

Spring officially starts with week, but it has felt like late June here for the past week.  It's like God brought me a GA spring because he knew my heart was longing to be there.  I know quite a few other Northern hearts that this sunshine and warmth has brought home too. 

It has caused me to pull out summer loves in my music a bit earlier than usual, and I have enjoyed feeling the air rush through my hair as I drive with all my windows down soaking in the air and sun.  I love it even more when I can do that at night.  Last night I drove home on back roads just so I could be in the car with the windows down and the sweetness of the cool night air filling up my lungs.  It was so gorgeous.  I don't know how I forget what that feels like in the depths of winter, but I love reexperiencing the first love-like joy each year when I get to have my windows down for the first time.  I hope I never lose that joy.

Honestly, I hope you're finding the weather wherever you are as beautiful as it is here.  If you're like me, you'll be wanting to find yourself thoroughly enjoy the sunshine and warmth as much as possible.  Sit in the sunshine, open up all the widows, sing at the top of your lungs and break out the flip-flops.  It's going to be a long and luck-filled summer (and the good kind of luck, I believe it). 

With love,
J

Thankful: God is SO Good

I realize Thanksgiving is one full week away from today, but I thought I'd get a head start on discussing some of the things I am most thankful for at the moment.  So here are a few of the things I am thankful for today in no particular order:

1. Basket Beginnings in Oregon, IL.  I am working here for a couple hours today.  It isn't much, but I love it.  The store itself is beautiful and you can get anything from yarn to basket supplies to handmade jewelry and bags to gently used clothing to candles shaped like wine corks (I bought one for Nikky & Yan for part of their wedding gift) to horse tack to Linda, the owner, is an incredible lady full of crafty talent that I hope to attain to much like the talent of my Grandma Cheatwood.  I may even learn how to weave sometime in the near future.  I am pretty excited about that prospect.
2. Oregon Healthcare Pharmacy Services, Inc.  Another wonderful place that I work, and today I found out they should be needing me full-time through the rest of the year which is wonderful since I have been home and without work all week because I finished the project they had hired me on for.  I'll have normal hours again starting next week.
3. Brisk Unsweetened Ice Tea.  I stopped at the Mobil in the village today and was planning on getting a crazy large soda simply because I could, but instead ended up getting myself a healthier and tastier alternative in this tasty tea.
4. Feelings of accomplishment.  I managed to schedule my gym orientation for at the Grove, set up a dentist appointment and a doctor's appointment as well all within about 20 minutes this morning.  Things I should have done a long time ago, but I have been worried about money and time amongst other things.  I am glad to have this done though.  I makes everything a little easier. 
5. Yarn.  Especially from Basket Beginnings.  I bought five more skeins today to work on a very special blanket for a very special little boy who will be coming into the world for his big debut in about 6 weeks.  This blanket will be soft and durable.  It will also be machine washable and dryable, so that will make this a little easier.  Plus it is in a nice set of lovely but not overbearing colors.  Hopefully he'll like the blanket and his parents will too. 
6. Conor.  I shall soon have a nephew named Conor.  My very best friend in the universe and her husband are going to be proud parents very, very soon, and I will be an insanely proud aunt who has a hard time not spoiling her nephew.  This special little man has already brought me more light and joy this week than I have had in a long time.  I cannot wait to meet him.  If this list was in order of things I am most thankful for at the moment, he would be at the very top of the list. 
7. Having a little money.  I am not rich.  I am, in fact, quite broke, but I have just enough money to take care of my immediate and most pressing needs at the moment.  I have no idea if/how I will pay for returning to school if I head down there in the spring, but for the time being, and partially because of item #2 on this list, I will have the money I need to take care of my car, my doctor's appointment, gym membership (which I really do need, I am so horribly out of shape), and Christmas presents.  It may not be much, but it is enough.  God is good.
8. Christmas shopping.  I realize many people have very negative things to say about Christmas shopping or they find it stressful  and overwhelming, but I adore Christmas shopping.  I love finding things or what I need to make gifts for the people I love.  I do not believe you have to spend a ton of money on the gifts you want to give people, but I do believe good gifts deserve some thought.  This year I am already looking forward to the look on my mom's face when she sees I finally found her a copy of a movie she has loved for years and years that we've never been able to find.  I am also looking forward to seeing my youngest brother reading a book I bought him.  ACTUALLY READING!  Considering how brilliant he is, you'd think he read all the time but that isn't the case.  I found out that there is a fourth book in a series he absolutely loves, and I know he will read it.  What's there not to love about a book filled with pirates, adventures, hilarity and ham?  It will be great. 
9. My ears.  They may not be my favorite physical feature, although I don't mind my ears, but what I love about them is their glorious ability to hear.  Music and laughter are two things I would be sad to live my life without hearing. 
10. Warm blankets.  I love making them, I love cuddling up with them, and I love that they make it hard to get out of bed in the morning.  I may stay in bed for as long as I can on Saturday.  I thought about it this morning, but the idea of coffee pulled me out of bed long before I expected.  This thought leads me to #11...
11. Coffee.  God bless the wonderful individual who realized that coffee was something a person could drink.  It makes every morning a little easier and warms me up on cold evenings alongside a tasty slice of homemade pie.  As Shane points out in Agnes & the Hitman, it reaches up into the brain and presses GO.  What's not to love about that?

I think I will leave this list at 11.  This makes me think of Spinal Tap which makes me think of Sam which makes me glad I have this list of things to be thankful for.  Ha.

Be blessed and recognize those blessings big and small.  God is so, so, soooo very good.

Love,
J

My 9

Favorite Things of this Very Moment (7:34 pm CST):

• "Magic" by Leagues
• The Battle of the Labyrinth by Rick Riordan
• Unsweetened ice tea
• Having my window open but my room being just the perfect temperature for me to be curled up typing this without being too hot or two cold
• The sleeping cat curled up behind me
• The letter from Sarah from my family group at FUEL this year
• Sarah
• Marisa
• Emilee
• Jamie
• Malorie
• Ashley
• Haley
• Cheyenne
• Julia

My awesome family group girls

They were incredible

I miss these girls

These pictures are of my girls.  I had 9 beautiful, hilarious, wonderful, sweet girls.  I probably haven't said much about them before, but I miss them.  They gave me 9 good reasons why youth ministry really is what I want to keep pursuing.  Working with girls like this was a new experience.  Last year I trained with an incredible lady named Julie Driskoll to be a counselor, but taking on a whole group by myself was totally different.  I learned a lot.  For instance, make sure you have snacks.  Also, foam weaponry can be dangerous when in the hands of 14-16 year old girls (or 25 year old girls...for that matter).

Most importantly, I learned that God will always give you the words you need to say what He needs you to say.  I really had no idea what I needed to be doing with these girls, even the training didn't give me a definite idea.  You kinda gotta feel your own way and figure out how you want to approach these kinds of things, and God gave me my own way.  I did a lot of praying that week that God would help me to not say too much or too little to the girls, but to help them find what they needed.

God always comes through.

We talked a lot about Romans 12:9-21.  It's one of my favorite bits of the Bible, and there is so much there to talk about.  We kinda jumped around in it, and then I talked about it all week.  It was amazing how well it tied into our theme this year which was TOGETHER.  

We talked about how we needed to be acting.  And I gave them little assignments, and made sure to do them myself.  We tried to notice all the amazing blessings God gave us big and small each day...all the things we could be thanking him for.  We also tried to do acts of kindness wherever we could.  It's amazing what something little like that can do to your perspective and your attitude.

What really blows me away?  The letters and notes and Facebook posts I get from the girls.  They have made lists of things they are thankful for, they have told me fears, hopes, dreams, and asked for prayers and advice.  They have told me how much they love and miss me, and I don't think I could ever express how much I love and miss them back.  I am so blessed to have these girls in my life.

God is amazing.  My girls are amazing, and I hope I get to keep them in my life as long as I am living.  They amaze me.  

Who are you blessed with?

Good, Good Life

I am so terribly, incredibly, amazingly lucky. God blesses me in such lovely ways.

For instance, I am currently possessing directions for my travels tomorrow along with some tasty snacks (including blue gummi sharks...I swear, it's such a small thing, but God knows my heart...it's all about the little things), and I have a good grasp on my lessons for the week. I may not be the world's best teacher, but I'm going to give it my best shot and hopefully the kids will get good things out of it and be blessed despite my failings. In my weakness God is stronger, and I'm going to do a lot relying on Him to show me how to present what I need to present to the kids this week.

I am also blessed because I have parents who are willing to help me out when I realize I've done a terrible job scheduling myself. My parents are consistently amazing and helpful. They have never failed to come through for me when I really did need the help. God blesses me every day through them.

Tomorrow should be exciting too. I mean, I've got a whole day of getting to know Amy. Hopefully she'll still be excited to be around me after tomorrow. haha. It will be a good day. And this week will be full of surprises and new friends I am sure. I can't wait to take a crazy large number of pictures.

I Just Want to Love You

Favorite things of this very moment (7:16 pm EST):

• Soft, strange green t-shirt that I bought yesterday


• The above picture of Sam playing video games with Queso


• Sam


• My conversation with Jordan from this afternoon


• "Get Smart, Again" (which is incredibly silly, and if you liked that kind of thing, you should really locate a copy and watch it. I know it's on NetFlix)


• The iPod (even though I really need to start to looking into getting my own refurbed or something)

The boy above.

There are just some things in life you wish you new were certain or worth waiting for or perfect. Sometimes you just have to accept with crazed faith the things that no one but God can tell you are certain. Right now my life is completely situated around things that are not within my scope of control. I will continue to try to do my part, but...a lot of this is out of my hands and in the hands of a wonderful 22 year old man who I would happily give the world to if I could. Sadly the world is not mine to give. All I've got is one little silly beating heart and a lot of crazy dreams and hopes. That may not be enough for him because I sometimes wonder what he actually sees when he looks at me, but I know that when I see him I see the man who I would like to be given complete adoration and love to every day for the rest of my life.

Can I do that?

I Saw the Light

(The above painting was done by the marvelous Andre Jordan http://www.abeautifulrevolution.com/) The painting...I think it fits. It's an accurate description of how I feel at this point. I don't know what else there is to say about it really, but it's true. I love this picture. Sam is holding the picture of a zombie armadillo he drew for me. I plan to frame this picture. I also plan to write a series of "children's" books about a zombie armadillo named Bruce. Sam will be illustrating them. He's brilliant at all of this. It's wonderful. He cannot be here soon enough.

This one is a picture of me holding the Sharkicorn picture that Amber had drawn for me. It is both epic and hilarious. One more reason why Amber is both a great roommate and a great friend.

Life is truly special and hilarious and awkward and beautiful. Even if I don't understand any of it. God does crazy things, and I'm working on accepting it.

Wondermus

"Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone."

- Romans 12:17

Favorite things of this very moment (10:19 pm EST):

• Kimmie & Miiitch because they're freaking adorable and hilarious and wonderful all rolled into one
• Texting on the iPod
• Feeling closer to being centered than I have for the longest time
• Romans 12

I love so many things right now. I'm tired, and I still don't get how so much of this works, but I feel a bit more hopeful. I got to listen to a bunch of guys tell my uncle Jon that his ministry is wonderful and that he is wonderful. It was amazing.

Today was also a big reminder that I have a lot of good on my side. I received several random messages of kindness and love from friends and family that I didn't expect. As a result, I actually thought to ask for prayer today because I was reminded that people love me and will support me when I ask for help. It made today much, much, much easier.

God definitely brings the people into your life for a reason, and I am glad. I needed a good reminder of all the weird and the wonderful in my life.

I love you. Good night.

Faithfulness

(A picture of myself and some of the wonderful, beloved people in my life)

I am grateful for the amazing people God has placed in my life. I'm sure you don't always believe that because I'm a bit of a mess a great portion of the time, but it's still true. God blesses me constantly with the amazing people He has put in my life. I hope I can be a blessing to them as well.

I am currently being challenged on a lot of levels by quite a few different people and situations, and my big concern right now is to figure out how to be the most loving and passionate in my pursuit of faithfulness to God. I have no idea what I am doing at this point, but I want to continue to step out in faith knowing that win or lose, I am being faithful in my actions. My willingness to fall and fail is key. I do believe we need to be tested in our faith at times, and I am fairly certain my ability to remain faithful is being tested as we speak. Please pray that I continue to move forward in faithfulness even when the road seems to dark to see.

My question for you this week is this: how can you be faithful to God? What are you doing to be faithful?

Happy Harvest-Candy-Ween

(This is a picture of Amber enjoying a marshmallow, and I feel this is a good example of what Harvest-Candy-Ween should be)

My roommate, Amber and I decided to create our own holiday. Neither of us are real big on Halloween because neither of us like creepy/scary-esque type things, but we both love fall and candy. We decided to create a holiday called Harvest-Candy-Ween. This holiday is going to be celebrated until we can figure out when we really should celebrate it. Meaning, we're currently celebrating Harvest-Candy-Ween even though this evening we're not really doing much of anything.

We do plan to have a party sometime soon that will include tasty things. Cookies, breads, candies, etc. We'll see what happens. We plan to have a variety of tasty things and hopefully people will bring junk over. It will be lovely.

If you guys come up with some ways you feel we should celebrate, you let me know. I think we're going to watch "A Very Potter Musical" and just dance badly and eat a lot of tasty food. Thoughts? Ideas?

Go, be free. Celebrate.

You have my love,

J

Go Serve

Favorite Things of This Very Moment (11:34 am EST):

• The last of my Vinnie del Rocco smoothie from last night's Planet Smoothie run with Cynthia and Mitch
• Knowing that within the next 12 hours I should be hanging out with my very most ridiculous, awesome, hilarious, wonderful, best friend, Nikky
• Being completely done packing
• Knowing the apartment is clean
• Go Serve plans being finalized (or as finalized as they can...)

In about a half hour I should be driving over to the ABC building to meet up with the rest of the Go Serve team to head up to OH. I am stoked.

Go Serve simply means we are heading to a community and we're going to do what we can to serve their needs. On this particular trip we're heading up to a community in OH and we're going help with a church youth group, help an elderly couple deal with some trees that are causing them problems, helping clean up a camp for winter, and serving a meal at a place called Rainbow Table. There may be some other projects along the way, but whatever the case, I am excited about this trip.

I get to stay with Nikky while I'm there, and I should be seeing my niece and nephew at some point along the way. Life is good.

I'm often amazed by what God brings into your life.

Go Serve is actually what brought me back to ABC. They came up to my church last year to help with a variety of projects, and I asked if I could help while they were at the church. I ended up spending a Saturday with this group, and I don't think I will ever regret that decision. The passion they showed for serving others and showing God's love through their service was mind blowing. Here was this group of people in their early 20's all excited and working to do their best to serve God and love people, and I wanted to be a part of this.

Being with them gave me the push I needed to head back down to ABC. I saw God speaking to me through the kindness and joy of this group, and it was incredible. Completely and totally incredible.

My hope is that our love and joy as we go and serve this weekend will be inspiring to people in OH. Although, the people in OH seems pretty incredible to begin with, but then again, can't we all use some encouragement?

I hope you all have an amazing weekend. I know I will.

The Bluebird of Happiness is Flying with Me

(The beautiful picture above is from, I believe, the movie "Perhaps Love")

My favorite things of this very moment (3:55 pm CST):

• The ever so classy music of the Eurythmics
• The last of my coffee from Kayla and I's coffee stop this morning
• Knowing that sometime in the future I'll be getting a paycheck (even though it won't be a lasting job)
• The beautiful picture there at the top, it's just...lovely
• Warm "Who" socks (they really do look like they're from a Dr. Suess book)
• Oatmeal, chocolate chip, butterscotch chip cookies (homemade...mmmm)

Today has been a lovely day. Sometimes life just really fits together properly, and today was one of those rare and lovely days.

Kayla and I had coffee this morning and then went to the bank. We worked from about 9 this morning till around 2. It's nice to get to spend time with one of your very best friends, to catch up on so many details in life, and also get paid for it. Like I said, sometimes God brings all those beautiful little pieces into place. Even if tomorrow doesn't sparkle quite the same way, I know today was a glorious little piece of perfection.

Little bits of loveliness: classical guitar music; a new cd by Coffey Anderson (called "Worship Unplugged 1" which was great) from Kay & T; coffee with one of the most genuinely beautiful women I know; lots of catching up; working (with the knowledge I'll actually get a paycheck for this); lunch with Kayla, Dad, & Becky Hall (she's great, Brian and Kim have one of the coolest mom's ever); Sousa marches (*smiles*); finding out Gail would be willing to cover for me so that I don't have to teach next Sunday (with the hopes that this will make it easier for me to find a way to Refuge); homemade cookies...today has been wonderful.

The best part? It's not yet over. I still have 8 hours of this lovely day yet to live. I hope God blesses your day with a great deal of joy and wonderment, and I hope that carries over into your weekend and all through the coming week.

Love. *smiles*

Can't Believe It's Christmas!

Favorite things of this very Christmas Eve moment (10:58 am CST):

• Frosty's Favorite coffee in my favorite lovely green mug from Nikky
• My giant Christmas playlist on shuffle on iTunes (The Carpenters, George Winston, the Muppets, Josh Groban, Bright Eyes, Elvis, Louis Armstrong, Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Rosemary Clooney, Jars of Clay, etc. etc.)
• Mira being fairly friendly
• The ice melting off my car so that I don't have to take the hair dryer and extension cord out to open them like last year
• That my house has electricity and heat unlike quite a few of the homes here in town (ice storms are an interesting thing)
• That David is safetly here at home and will be staying here until after Christmas
• Knowing Mom and I have buckeyes to dip later this afternoon
• Knowing I'll get to talk to Nikky at some point today
• Brightly colored slipper socks that keep my toes warm and whose siblings live with Nikky in Ohio (with big pictures of Zac Effron's face on each sock...ha)
• That I am healthy (very much unlike last Christmas Eve)
• That it's Christmas Eve!

Tomorrow is Christmas. Tomorrow. Christmas Eve is my favorite day of the year. It never fails. There's just something magical (I've used that term sooooo often lately, I apologize) about Christmas Eve. The anticipation and wonder of the day. Knowing that tomorrow brings the revelation of the contents of the pile of colorful packages under your Christmas tree, knowing that the people you love will be opening things that you carefully wrapped and purchased just for them, and lots of tasty food.

Life is beautiful.

May your Christmas be full of love. May it be full of the joy and wonder you felt for Christmas when you were just a little one. May it be full of fulfilled promises and the promise of future joys. May it be full or ridiculous happenings (in the very best sense) and Christmas music. May it be full of the twinkle and sparkle of Christmas lights and the delight of every moment.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: "May your future be merry and bright, and may all your Christmases be white." That and more I wish for you.

All my love this glorious Christmas, J

Gifts and Magic

Favorite things of this very moment (9:15 am CST):

• Sunshine on the snow (though blinding, it makes everything sparkly)
• Louis Armstrong singing Christmas songs
• Talking to my mom
• The sound of the heater kicking on
• Mira lounging like a mountain lion on the back of the couch next to me

Today is already a beautiful thing. I don't have anything special planned. I don't have anywhere to go besides work. I don't have anything else that I have to do at all really. There's just something promising about a Friday. Especially a Friday before Christmas. It's rather lovely, and in my case, fairly well relaxed.

I love that in the Christmas story in Luke 2 it says that after the sheperds came to see Jesus that "Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." It must have been overwhelming, but I think it must have also been rather wonderful. I guess mornings like this give me a slight sense of that. I'm looking out across the frozen backyards of my neighbors across a shimmering blanket of snow and frosted trees, and what I'm pondering is Christmas. Treasuring in my heart all the joy this blessed season harbors.

God loved me so much that He sent his little one into this world. He sent a baby. A little boy. This makes me think of Carter. My friends, Brian and Hannah just had their little boy last week. The joy I feel in this is overwhelming. My friends, Todd and Shelley brought home their newborn baby, Noah as well. Todd and Shelley have been trying to adopt children for years, and in the past few months so much has changed for them. They were given a beautiful little 4 year old girl, Abigail (who I adore more than words can say), and they'll officially have adopted her this coming month. On top of this, they've also been given the gift of this brandnew baby boy, Noah. December is a magical month. God is giving more gifts.

Does that amaze anyone else? The sheer unumerable number of gifts that God has and is giving us? Even now. All these wonderful new babies: Carter, Noah, Aria (my friends, Kyle and Angies new baby girl). The warmth of our homes. The love of our familes. Our wonderful friends. What about the delightful pancakes I had this morning?

Everything is a gift.

I guess what I'm saying is, no matter what you're struggling with, no matter what I'm struggling with, God is still there, and He is still creating perfect, beautiful things in our lives. Even when we don't see them right away. Let's try to keep our eyes open for the beauty and wonder that God is placing in our lives. For the gifts and for the magic. This season is full of both.

What the Strainer Caught

Favorite Things of this Very Moment (10:49 am CST):

• "What the Strainer Caught" mix
• Christmas lights
• Powdered sugar snow that's coating everything outside
• Clean water
• Knowing people I love will be receiving special holiday surprises/greetings in the mail
• Having my major errand of the morning completed
• Writing real responses to emails
• Having a new book of stamps sitting on the footstool just waiting for letters to be sent
• The sounds of the heater mixed with Cake singing "I Will Survive"
• That only my pinkies seem to get cold (Why is that?)
• Chubby little squirrels who seem to be living for each and every moment while jumping through all the trees of the neighbor hood finding berries and whatnot to munch this fine December morning
• Adjectives

My brain is a seething mass of thoughts and emotions completely incapable of slowing or holding still. I have felt, often lately, that I just can't contain them all. There's always something trying to escape. Maybe I just haven't done such a great job of expressing them lately. It just seems too much.

It becomes increasingly weird when you get to a point where you realize that your emotions or something deeper in you is making it impossible to think of anything but reaching over and grabbing someone's hand. When it takes all your will to hold your hands together...doesn't that seem a little bizarre. Especially when you are fine without this individual whenever you're away from them...

Sometimes I wonder if my brain really is wired differently from the average woman. Worries me a little bit at times, but I guess God made me this way for a reason, even if I don't understand it and it makes me wonder if I'm crazy.

Ha.

Luckily, this is the season of love, giving, charity, joy, magic: Christmas. The joy of Christ's birth and the overflow of generosity spills into every day. So much magic really does radiate through the Christmas season. I love the change that it brings over people. Even the hardest of hearts. It's hard to be a grouch during this lovely season of the year. Even a cynic melts into the romantic they truly are at heart in the month of December...Magic.

May this December bring you all the joy and magic the season can hold. May it overwhelm you in the very best sense of the word, and may it spill into the rest of the coming year.

And I'll leave you with this, What the Strainer Caught playlist (to express the overflow in my head):

• Mixed Tape - Jack's Mannequin
• Love Don't Live Here Anymore - Lady Antebellum
• (You're the) Devil in Disguise - Elvis Presley
• Friends - Band of Skulls
• Hokis - Eve 6
• Daria - Cake
• Every Day is Exactly the Same - Nine Inch Nails
• Papercut - Gym Class Heroes
• Kiss Kiss - Chris Brown & T. Pain
• Getaway - Train
• Burning Man - Third Eye Blind
• Islands in the Stream - Bee Gees (not a joke, Nik...haha..."What's that Pete?")
• Wrong Turn - Jack Johnson
• Breaking It Up - Lykke Li
• Hey Mr. DJ (Keep Playin' This Song) - Backstreet Boys (don't you judge me...ha)
• Oil and Water - Incubus (*sigh* Brandon Boyd *sigh*)
• Back to You - John Mayer
• If You Want My Love (Alternate Version) - Cheap Trick
• I Will Survive - Cake (my favorite version of this song...ever)
• Message in a Bottle - John Mayer (*smiles*)

Ecstatic albiet Strange

Favorite things of this very moment (10:51 pm CST):

Runaway Bride" on VHS (I need to get a DVD copy, this VHS is old and it's starting to show)

Chocolate syrup (even if it isn't super high quality)

Seeing my final grades

http://www.thelongestway.com/ (I just find this guy fascinating)

http://www.xkcd.com/ (The world's best webcomic...at least in my humble opinion)

That I'll be 23 in less than 2 hours

The perfect temperature of this evening...glorious

So tonight you'll find me sitting in front of my computer with a glass of milk watching (depending on the moment) either "Runaway Bride" or watching a YouTube video of the Rocky Theme that K-boo sent me several months back that I just forgot about and just realized was still in my inbox this evening while being insanely excited about my final grades.

I passed! Not only did I get the A I expected from my HSV 270 class, but I also managed to pass with a C in my math class! Do you know what this means? That I don't have to take any more math. That should have covered my requirement for math for college! This is the best news I've had in the LONGEST time! No more math! Ah ha! YES! I ran and scared my parents as they're trying to get ready for bed by being overly excited about having passed, but they understood. This was something I've been worried about all semester, and this is the only time I've passed a math class since entering college (pathetic but true). It's just an incredibly exhilirating feeling knowing that I'm done! My mom's reaction: "Congradulations! Happy birthday!" haha...yes. It will be! :)

The only thing that could make this better: Nikky being here. I know this isn't exactly a possible thing right now (we need a teleportation device, I really need to convince Ben that this should be his engineering/genius focus, either that or we need to become billionaire's instantly so that we can own a private jet and shuttle ourselves back and forth constantly...or maybe we should just live together...oh wait...that's what we'll do this coming year...haha), but it would be awesome. This is when cellphones, the internet, and other modern convienences come in handy. :)

Life is good tonight.

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Why Being One of the Guys is Not Always a Good Thing

Favorite things of this very moment (1:50 pm CST):

• Hearing "A Little Less Conversation" sung by Elvis blaring over the loudspeakers in a Chinese stadium
• Ice tea (I don't think I can mention this enough)
• Fresh pineapple
• Knowing I get to see Jenna in just a couple of hours
• Seeing Paxton at church this morning
• Watching all the little ones dance through the service today
• The tall one (he makes me happy)
• That Ben is loving the Twilight series (oh yes, another convert to my convoluted, beloved obsession)
• Pink handled scissors
• Hearing Mom say, "The man is the head of the household," and Joel responding with, "But the woman is the neck and she can turn the head whichever way she wants it."
• Perfect golden, beautiful sunshine highlighting the green and gorgeous trees and the wonderful cool weather

Jay and I went to Rockford this evening to visit Jenna. Met up at Starbucks, and after collecting a few humorous books, we sat down in the "cafe" and enjoyed our time.

The conversations that I have on these kind of visits are my favorite. Jay was a great addition to the mini-group. It was beautiful. So much awkward, so many topics, so many bad accents, so much shared humor, ridiculous insults, strange comments, and laughter. It needs to happen more often. Truly.

The question that most sticks in my mind was when Jay asked why it's so bad to be one of the guys. We had established that I am not a "normal" girl. That I am better capable to deal with and understand guys than girls in a lot of ways. They just make me feel more understood and comfortable. Jay didn't understand how it could be a pain for me to be one of the boys.

Let me explain. It's not that I don't enjoy being one of the guys. In a lot of ways it's great. I enjoy being able to spend huge amounts of time with large quantities of testosterone. I feel at ease there and I can hold my own. I make great friends who are loyal, protective, and wonderful this way. The problem is that you don't ever get to be anything more.

I am the girl every guy wants around. They "need" me. But they don't really. I'm a substitute person when they aren't in relationships, I am the best friend.

The problem is...I still haven't found anyone who really wants me. Who really needs me. Who sees me as a women, not just a best friend. That's why being one of the guys isn't the best. It's great, but until I find a guy who can see me for all that I am...it won't be completely awesome.

Someday. Maybe someday soon...

Well, I'll keep dreaming.

Joy

Favorite things of this very moment (2:43 pm):

• Having plans for next Friday night to hang out with Amber (I can finally give her the Christmas present that has been sitting on my dresser since the last time I saw her)
• Having plans for this weekend with Herminder and possibly Cindy (It's so weird to actually have plans to do anything at all on the weekends considering my practically hermit-like state for the past 6 months or so)
• The wacky lamps here at the office
• Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare
• Having finished De Profundis by Oscar Wilde

Yes, things are going to be just fine.

You know what brings me joy? Lots of things. I've decided to share some with you in light of a friend recently sharing with me some things that really brought her joy and therefore made me feel compelled to share some joy here as well...yeah...

For instance, I love watching the snow fall while sitting in my big orange chair sipping tea or hot chocolate. I could sit there all day reading and listening to some Coldplay or Train or John Mayer, something that makes me feel safe and comfortable. It's one of those things that makes the rest of the world disappear for awhile. Just to be able to think and relax and enjoy the beauty of the snowflakes floating down creating a new world in such a short span of time. It's overwhelmingly beautiful at times.

I also find pleasure in my drive home from work every evening. It's a very short drive and incredibly uneventful, but in the fall and winter I usually get to see the sky at sunset...the clouds that turn into cotton candy pastels or dark and royal shades of purple or even neon pink to a point you expect to see advertisements. But the only thing the clouds really advertise is that God is definitely at work. I think the way the sunlight plays across the fields dancing in the shadows of the snow hills or bushes...it's beautiful. I look up into the sky as I go along wishing I was a painter...it would be wonderful to paint the sunsets of every evening.

I recently was thinking about how wonderful it would be to own my own business if for no other reason than the fact that I could make sure I was able to go outside and watch the sunset every evening. No matter what time of year, I could always make sure I was out and watching the sun as it set, and there are few greater freedoms. It makes me envy generations before me that didn't have such hectic schedules or structured lives. People who were out in the fields watching the sunrise and set every day...I'm sure there were many things about their jobs they didn't enjoy all of the time, but I can't imagine anyone not being able to pause for a moment and thank God for the splendor of His design. The skies were some of His most glorious and beautiful works when I think about it.

Just think of the stars. And the moon. Oh. How I love them all. I live for summer nights when I can go out and lay on the trampoline at Kayla's and we count shooting stars and talk about whatever crosses our minds. Or simply those magical warm nights where the moon shines pure silver across everything, so bright you could drive home without headlights (I'll admit, I've done it before, I was just so entranced with the pale light...I had to try). It makes everything seem magical. Sometimes I feel as if fairies should appear, but in their absence, the fireflies will do. There's a complete and beautiful perfection in the stars...I adore it.

One of these days, I'd like to head to Montana or Wyoming or Alaska or even somewhere in the Canadian tundra....just so I could look at the night skies without all the light pollution. It must be magnificent. Can you imagine? And endless summer sky full of stars with the moon shining down on you. Definitely the perfect romantic setting. I think I'd want to lay on the grass and read A Midsummer Night's Dream on a night like that. Wouldn't it be perfect?

Well, now that I've really digressed...but that also brings me joy. I enjoy the silly tangents and daydreams that my life is so full of. Sure it's sometimes hard to get yourself back on track, but maybe that's for the best. Maybe the tangent you got off on is really where you need to be anyway. It's not improbable that's for sure.

Children's movies are another thing that brings me great amounts of joy. They're innocent and silly, and often they have a beautiful underlying message for children: Be who you were meant to be, Stand up for your friends and family, Be loyal, Be honest, Be generous and kindhearted, don't need to know where you're going as long as you know where you've been, and my favorite "Keep moving forward." That last one is especially true for me right now. (Is it strange that I find lessons in everything?) It's the one that I need to remember and find joy in the task. You keep moving forward. Will do.

Alright, enough of my nonsense. I just wanted to say that even though life gets messy, and my heart feels broken all too often anymore, there is still joy and so much beauty. Even in the brokenness.

Keep moving forward.