Mirror

Sometimes I see myself in the mirror and think, "Wow, I'm gorgeous." In this rare moment, it's always when I'm in a state of casual falling apart. I've just woken up and my hair is curling violently or I'm brushing my teeth and just trying to keep my hair out of my eyes. 

I wish I could see myself as I do in those moments more often. I'd like to perpetuate that level of self-love because there's a decent chance that here at 30 I may be looking in the mirror at the one person who will be with me the rest of my life.

(7) Visit

Home again

Comfortable & relaxed

despite the insanity on the road,

this is home

Every time I step in this door

I feel 17

shouldn't I be getting ready

for class?

September leaves

cooler weather

Sunshine golden

Everything brings me home

The realization that

This might be the last trip I have

to see this autumn falling

here is bittersweet 

There's so much to be grateful for

I will count them all

Thank God for home

& all the beauty of fall

I Can Haz Wizard?

Picture by Jon H. Cheatwood
at the Jacob & Amber Ballard wedding reception
on June 9, 2012

So much is happening in my life these days.  This statement seems ironic considering I was told today that I have to stay out of work for roughly one more week so that my back will heal properly, but even with that holding me up from working and running around like normal, life is busy.

A week ago today I was trying to make sure a group of boys was recovering from a party, locating a dress for a rehearsal for an incredible wedding (and succeeding for the first time ever to locate a dress I loved this much so quickly), falling a little bit in love with someone while cheerfully realizing all my feelings for someone else had genuinely been erased by his stupidity and poor decision making skills, indulging my femininity, trying to make sure everything that needed to be down was done, trying to figure out what I needed to say in my toast, doing laundry, and thanking God for Jordan Durham every chance I got.  It was a crazy day, but I loved it.

Every minute of that week made me feel alive and necessary.  I was being asked to run errands, for my opinion, to help with things, to organize, to fix situations, to visit people, and I was highly in demand and desired.  I want every day for that to be the case.  Sure that life is a little crazy, but in Ohio I knew I had purpose.

For the past few months, well, for the past year or so really, I have been trying to figure out what I should be working towards in my life with little real break in the case.  When I was traveling in April, it was suggested by a variety of people that I move to South Carolina, Ohio, and back to Atlanta.  I have been thinking about that ever since.  At this point, I think I have figured out where I will be heading next, and I am beginning the process of making it happen.

My goal is to be moving in September.  I have no idea how to make that happen quite yet, but I do know that I will be attempting to save money this summer and looking for work in my new location.  I will also need to start truly downsizing.  I do not need to move so much junk.  I don't need to own so much junk.  Hopefully I will be able to donate many things to people who will love them more than I will, and it will be glorious.

Be praying on all fronts I guess.  I am thrilled to be rid of one ridiculous and destructive relationship, and I am hoping to eventually jump into a relationship with a real man.  This year, my twenty-sixth year, is already causing all kinds of havoc and change, and as messy as it already is and as scary as a move will be, it is time.  I am going to step out in faith and see where God lets me land.

One last thing, I have just this afternoon finished a new mix for my amazing, hilarious Jordan (mail is heading your way soon, my friend).  I hope he enjoys it, and I hope you will too.

I Can Haz Wizard?:
1. Daylight - Matt & Kim
2. Anna Molly - Incubus
3. Live My Life - Far East Movement feat. Justin Beiber
4. She Can Get It - Kevin Rudolf
5. And I - Box Car Racer
6. She Talks to Angels - The Black Crows
7. Down - Blink-182
8. We Use to Wait - Arcade Fire
9. Near Enough - Metasomatic
10. Good Arms vs. Bad Arms - Frightened Rabbit
11. Bitter - Teddy Geiger
12. Kiss on Me - Tyler Hilton
13. Edge of Desire - John Mayer
14. 2:00 Your Time - Ace Troubleshooter
15. I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz
16. Heart of Me - Green River Ordinance
17. Secrets - OneRepublic
18. Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
19. Tomorrow Will Be Kinder - The Secret Sisters
20. Wish You Were Here - Incubus

Thankful: God is SO Good

I realize Thanksgiving is one full week away from today, but I thought I'd get a head start on discussing some of the things I am most thankful for at the moment.  So here are a few of the things I am thankful for today in no particular order:

1. Basket Beginnings in Oregon, IL.  I am working here for a couple hours today.  It isn't much, but I love it.  The store itself is beautiful and you can get anything from yarn to basket supplies to handmade jewelry and bags to gently used clothing to candles shaped like wine corks (I bought one for Nikky & Yan for part of their wedding gift) to horse tack to Linda, the owner, is an incredible lady full of crafty talent that I hope to attain to much like the talent of my Grandma Cheatwood.  I may even learn how to weave sometime in the near future.  I am pretty excited about that prospect.
2. Oregon Healthcare Pharmacy Services, Inc.  Another wonderful place that I work, and today I found out they should be needing me full-time through the rest of the year which is wonderful since I have been home and without work all week because I finished the project they had hired me on for.  I'll have normal hours again starting next week.
3. Brisk Unsweetened Ice Tea.  I stopped at the Mobil in the village today and was planning on getting a crazy large soda simply because I could, but instead ended up getting myself a healthier and tastier alternative in this tasty tea.
4. Feelings of accomplishment.  I managed to schedule my gym orientation for at the Grove, set up a dentist appointment and a doctor's appointment as well all within about 20 minutes this morning.  Things I should have done a long time ago, but I have been worried about money and time amongst other things.  I am glad to have this done though.  I makes everything a little easier. 
5. Yarn.  Especially from Basket Beginnings.  I bought five more skeins today to work on a very special blanket for a very special little boy who will be coming into the world for his big debut in about 6 weeks.  This blanket will be soft and durable.  It will also be machine washable and dryable, so that will make this a little easier.  Plus it is in a nice set of lovely but not overbearing colors.  Hopefully he'll like the blanket and his parents will too. 
6. Conor.  I shall soon have a nephew named Conor.  My very best friend in the universe and her husband are going to be proud parents very, very soon, and I will be an insanely proud aunt who has a hard time not spoiling her nephew.  This special little man has already brought me more light and joy this week than I have had in a long time.  I cannot wait to meet him.  If this list was in order of things I am most thankful for at the moment, he would be at the very top of the list. 
7. Having a little money.  I am not rich.  I am, in fact, quite broke, but I have just enough money to take care of my immediate and most pressing needs at the moment.  I have no idea if/how I will pay for returning to school if I head down there in the spring, but for the time being, and partially because of item #2 on this list, I will have the money I need to take care of my car, my doctor's appointment, gym membership (which I really do need, I am so horribly out of shape), and Christmas presents.  It may not be much, but it is enough.  God is good.
8. Christmas shopping.  I realize many people have very negative things to say about Christmas shopping or they find it stressful  and overwhelming, but I adore Christmas shopping.  I love finding things or what I need to make gifts for the people I love.  I do not believe you have to spend a ton of money on the gifts you want to give people, but I do believe good gifts deserve some thought.  This year I am already looking forward to the look on my mom's face when she sees I finally found her a copy of a movie she has loved for years and years that we've never been able to find.  I am also looking forward to seeing my youngest brother reading a book I bought him.  ACTUALLY READING!  Considering how brilliant he is, you'd think he read all the time but that isn't the case.  I found out that there is a fourth book in a series he absolutely loves, and I know he will read it.  What's there not to love about a book filled with pirates, adventures, hilarity and ham?  It will be great. 
9. My ears.  They may not be my favorite physical feature, although I don't mind my ears, but what I love about them is their glorious ability to hear.  Music and laughter are two things I would be sad to live my life without hearing. 
10. Warm blankets.  I love making them, I love cuddling up with them, and I love that they make it hard to get out of bed in the morning.  I may stay in bed for as long as I can on Saturday.  I thought about it this morning, but the idea of coffee pulled me out of bed long before I expected.  This thought leads me to #11...
11. Coffee.  God bless the wonderful individual who realized that coffee was something a person could drink.  It makes every morning a little easier and warms me up on cold evenings alongside a tasty slice of homemade pie.  As Shane points out in Agnes & the Hitman, it reaches up into the brain and presses GO.  What's not to love about that?

I think I will leave this list at 11.  This makes me think of Spinal Tap which makes me think of Sam which makes me glad I have this list of things to be thankful for.  Ha.

Be blessed and recognize those blessings big and small.  God is so, so, soooo very good.

Love,
J

Are We Done?

I miss this.  I miss him.  I miss this version of him.  My version of him.  The one that is one of my closest friends.

On the other hand, I still don't understand why I am making a face that looks that stupid.  Ha.

Life is strange and interesting.  I always find it interesting that texting can make someone seem right their with you and also a million miles away at the same time.  Because of the texting it seems like Sam and I are back where we started.  Talking every day.  The difference is that I can tell he is holding back and that I am no longer a main focus in his life.  I miss this.

It's time to grow I guess.

One Way Sign

Favorite things of this very moment (5:58 pm CST):

• Iced sun tea
• The fan blowing on my back
• Headbands
• Knowing my friend Noel and I will be planning to get together again very soon
• Having my deposit check for my apartment ready to send out tomorrow
• Having my classes officially picked
• Having my payment plan worked out and sent off to be approved
• Sunshine
• My glasses (even if I do have a red line on the side of my nose)

Today has been good and a little bizarre. Worked this morning and got a lot done. Of course, little, if any, of it was really what I intended to work on today. Not a big deal though. This just means that I won't be out of work early any time soon, and that is very good news. I also made the decision today that I will be taking advantage of over time when it is available starting either tomorrow or Thursday (depending on how busy the office is). This will give me some extra and much needed cash. Much of which will probably go directly to college tuition.

I did get my classes picked out, my deposit stamped and ready to go into the mail tomorrow, and my payment plan worked out. I sent the payment plan in to have that approved. Hopefully they will get back to me in the next day or two and tell me that's all set up.

Then I also got to see an old friend, Noel, today. It was just lovely to sit and drink coffee with an old friend and hear about her kids and her life. I miss just listening to other people's stories. Plus spending time with other people always leads to the creation of more stories, and what's not to love about this. The best thing though today: talking to Noel was just as easy as it always has been. She's just as nice and funny as she was when we were growing up. And she understood my crazy decision to follow where the tug in my heart is telling me to go (Atlanta). I don't hear that nearly often enough, so it was a comfort.

Today has been lovely. Just another bit of confirmation that I'm headed in the right direction.