Change Again

Today was my first day back after being in Ohio for a little more than a week.  Part of me is surprised I made it back.  My mom told me she honestly thought I'd come home, turn in my 2 weeks notice, pack up and leave.  Leaving my godsons, my best friend, my sister and my niece...those were some of the hardest things ever.

My life is about to change again.  I'm a little terrified beyond all reason, but I think it's time I take a step out of the dang boat and let God catch me if I start sinking.  I feel a little like a shark.  If I don't keep moving, I'm gonna die.  I'll just wither, and I'm already starting to feel pruny.

So here's to 2nd or 17th or whatever chances.  To moving on and forward and facing fear as best I can and trying to lean hard into God and trust that this will work out somehow.

Sigh.



Now, on an unrelated note, a list of my favorite things of this very moment (9:28 CST):

• Ghostbusters (the original, but I'm looking forward to seeing the new one quite soon)
• Finding out that I actually get Sunday off, so I'll get to be in church!  Woo!
• Going through pictures from my trip and looking at my munchkins
• Mulligan insisting that she be wherever I am every moment since I've gotten home from work
• Moments where I think I might just figure out some kind of flirting after all (ha)
• Putting my order in for 2 t-shirts my brother created!
• Actually being tired and potentially being able to go to sleep here very soon

Day 5: Schmoel

Dear Joel,

Thank you.

Joel, I just want you to know that I am proud of you.  So proud of you.

You moved today.  It's so weird.  I'm glad you are getting to do this.  I am so proud of you for going back to school.  I know all this change feels a little overwhelming and that there are still some aspects that are a little too up in the air for your happiness, but I know God's got this.  You are pursuing what is on your heart and the talents and gifts God's given you.  Even if it is a challenge (and it's always a challenge), I know you are going to do brilliantly.

Thank you for pursuing your passions.  Sometimes I feel like I have begun to stale (hopefully not "stale baby" stale, but you know what I mean), but your fire and light tend to make everything brighter.  Your passion to pursue your dreams inspires me.  I am so grateful for that.

It's been a real blessing getting to spend so much time with you and watching you grow into the man you've become.  It still seems surreal to look at you now when I can just as easily remember you crawling around. It's been a privilege watching you grow up, being part of your life, and just having the awesome responsibility of being your older sister.  No matter where I am or what I'm doing, you will always be a priority.  You know where I am if you need me.

Chase those dreams, little brother.  I've got your back.

I love you so much.  Thank you for never letting anything or anyone stop you from just being you.

Love,
Jaymin

I am A-Changin'

Some days I look around at my life and I am just proud that I'm still moving. I haven't given in to the doubt or confusion of it all. Nope. Instead, I'm still waking up and finding a reason to get out of bed. 

I am not perfect. I am not even sure that I'm good, but I'm trying. I was just reading a note I wrote to myself nearly a year ago about a pair of great dreams I had. Reading them felt foreign. I remembered having the dreams and how much I had hoped they were a sign of something new and changing on the horizon, but nothing changed. 

I take it back. Everything has changed. I moved home, I had to give up a plan to return to school and the future I had been trying so hard to build because I was working with and believing in someone who couldn't seem to come through for me in anything. I've started another job, but I've realized, just from that note, how much I've changed. 

God only knows what will come next, but I'll keep trying to build a life for myself. If that set of dreams ever come back to me, maybe I'll have help building my life, but in the meantime, I'll carry on alone. 

Life really is changing. I'm changing. I may accept this yet. 

Decorate Your Soul

So here we are...it's Friday morning, my back has been trying to go out since last night and I am fighting it with generic icy hot patches and Bayer Back & Body.  Maybe this isn't the ideal way to start a weekend.  Perhaps the fact that I woke up just after 7 in an attempt to get my car's oil change done at a place I ended up never being able to find also plays into the less-than-ideal start to the day, but I've decided the weekend is going to be good.

In a few hours I will be driving to Atlanta.  I'll get my oil changed tomorrow at a more reasonable hour than 7 at a place I know I can find.  Tonight I will go eat drunken noodles (hopefully they'll have tofu again) with Shelby at The Red Orchid and watch "Robin Hood Men in Tights" and laugh a whole lot.  I will stretch out my back, and I will keep moving.  I'm not letting Death Spine win this one again.  I don't have the time or the money to play games with my back again.  

I will find my beautiful sister-in-law the right copy of the children's book I've written so she can continue working on illustrations.  We will get that sucker published yet.  I will actually think about Nikky's question of where I want to be in 5 years because the more I think about it the more I realize, I've got no plans, and I'm no longer okay with that.  

What I know is this: I cannot wait for someone else to plan a life with.  I can't keep putting my future on hold because I'm afraid that if I go ahead and make plans, I'll be alone forever.  Maybe I will be alone or maybe this is just a long season, but either way, putting my life on hold because I'm scared of something I can't be sure of is not going to help.  I nearly died about a year and a half ago, and I think I've been trying to figure out how to live ever since.  I think it's time I work on decorating my own soul and making my world colorful and bright for myself because it's not anyone else's job but mine, and really, if I can make my world more colorful and bright, I think that color will spill into and change the lives of the people I love and meet.

Maybe I should be the one bringing flowers.

Mulligan of the Heart

Favorite things of this very moment (4:35 PM EST):

• Closest I Get by Katie Herzig
• Vanilla Almond Milk
• Texts for Shelby that remind me of terrible/wonderful jokes
• Checking items of my to-do list
• Clean looking nails
• My migraine finally deciding to back off
• The IT Crowd (I'm in the 3rd season already, and it's so hilarious...I hate that there's only one additional season for me to watch on NetFlix.  Meh)

I hadn't made a list like that in a long time, and it was long overdue.  I was talking to my lovely friend, Heather last the past couple days about how I need a do-over of the soul.  I want a mulligan of the heart.

Last week I spent a lot of time being stuck in situations that I didn't expect.  I got snowed/iced in to Atlanta, GA.  (How does this even happen?  It's supposed to be warm down here?)  I had a long walk/talk with a friend who told me they once wanted to be a dancer and when I told them I also once had wanted to be one...I realized no one probably had ever heard me speak of that long-dormant wish since I was probably 6 or 7 years old.  I can look back now and say it was probably for the best that I didn't pursue that dream as I have a very wide bone structure and even at my skinniest would never have been chosen to dance professionally anywhere (plus I have the worst balance/coordination ever and probably would have destroyed my ankles early on), but still...I don't know if I've talked about that dream since I was quite young.  Weirder still was then being told by the same friend that he thinks I have a beautiful bone structure and arms.  Two compliments that I not only had never received before in my life, but also never could have thought to be hearing said of me.  It was nice to just be hearing kind, though strange, words about myself.  No one ever wants to say anything about my physical appearance, and it was just lovely to hear something good.

What else?

I spent one of my snowed/iced in nights sleeping in a living room with 3 other wonderful/hilarious people all of whom are a good 7-10 years younger than me.  All of them spent a good deal talking about mistakes they've made growing up and the struggles they are trying to overcome as people trying to come closer to God.  It was bizarre and inspiring and heart wrenching all at the same time.  They made me really look at my heart as of late and reassess.

It was pretty easy to see that I have let myself become a tangled mess, a heart covered with so much in the way of scar tissue that I can barely tell it's beating anymore.  My loneliness has lead to bitterness which has lead me to a lot of time spent just ignoring God out of tiredness and fear.  I've been alone for nearly 9 years at this point, and I suppose I should be use to it by now, but instead of working harder to grow into the woman I'd like to be...in a lot of ways I've been giving up.  I've been bitter because I just am struggling to see where I'm going.  People will tell you that you don't need to see where you're going, that you just need to have faith.  To trust that God will lead you where you need to go...

All those sentiments are true.  You do need to have faith and trust that God's gonna lead you where you need to be, but I also think--I think--you need to have something to run towards.  I don't know if I really have that anymore.  I should.  I have many amazing things happening in my life, but I feel like I keep watching everyone around me find what they're looking for while I'm still trying to figure out what direction I'm heading.

I jokingly told a friend of mine the other day that maybe I'll move to Canada next.  They seem friendly and kind up there.  We've got a couple churches in Canada.  There are a lot of trees and lakes.  Why not?

And then I think, but I'm supposed to be creating a nonprofit that will help young people find their passion and find a way to use it for good.  Ironically, I'm not sure what I want.

I want to be helping to encourage and build up the hearts of the people around me.  I want to help them find hope and love and feel God's hand and love in their lives.  

My problem is that this bitterness that I've let creep in and slowly take hold of my heart...it's tossed my hope out the window.  It's been trying to bury it or hide it or cover its tracks.  

So here's my thought, I want that mulligan.  I want to re-do all of this.  I want to toss out all the weird that's been holding me back and turning my light to dark.  I want to say more kind things, be honest about my needs upfront, want to write more thank you's and kind letters.  I want to read more books and drink more green tea and take my vitamins and relish the sunshine and keep my Christmas lights up all the year because they make me smile.  I want to give people little gifts and return the things I've borrowed.  I want to pay off my debts and learn more Italian words and let Calle teach me a couple chords on my ukulele.  I want to take the time to read my Bible every day (I did finally remember to pick up the Bible reading program thing that Bethel is doing so I can actually be involved in my church like I should be) and actually do more ab workouts.

It's a lot of weird little things and maybe they won't actually change anything, but maybe they'll change everything.

Worth a shot isn't it?  Anything's better than letting my heart actually get cold.

More good.  Be good.  Find the good.

Really, Girl. Do It.

Note to Self:

Seriously give up guys this year. Just work on your heart and abs and leave guys alone. You're not in a place to deal with them. They aren't interested in you, and you need to stop running yourself full-speed into the wall of rejection. Put your heart someplace safe for awhile so you're not tempted to give it to the next jerk who flirts with you or seems kind. When a guy finally shows up and asks for your heart, then you can decide whether or not you want to give it to him. Until then, just stop. 

Learn your darn ukelele. Buy yourself good clothes. Learn more Italian words. Write letters. Save money. Just take care of you. Even if you just manage to do this for the rest of the year...it would give your heart a chance to heal, and maybe you'd hear God a little more clearly. 

You've got this. 

(84) Open Hands

Sometimes plans don't work
& it's better off
scary houses to hotel rooms
heat, blessed heat
& a moon lighting the way
whatever may come,
it's already on its way
I will greet it
best I can
with a smile on my face
& open hands

(83) Stars to Remind Me

The stars on the ceiling
Remind me there's hope
I'm trying, Lord,
to reach beyond
All I can see
& actually realize
what you're teaching me

(82) Changing, I'm a-Changing

Caught up in the crazy
life is a whirl
trying to clear a space
to put down my own roots
so I can build
a little something for myself

I don't need the world
just a room to call mine
maybe I should have
done this years ago
but who's to say

Maybe now is when
I needed to change
& when my heart was alive
& my prayers changed

So I'm opening my heart
& peeling back the layers
Hoping this new start
will help me become
more of who I want to be

(59) Paths of Progress

My mind keeps reminding me

like a panic button, an alarm,

that the next stage of life

new change

is fast approaching

& I look around this room

& I know I have not a clue

what I'm doing

Is this when I become an adult

or am I just getting points

for progress?

This isn't to say

that this isn't my path

but rather that I'm not sure how to walk it

Do I run?

Or should I amble?

Maybe just change it up as I go

I know I'll over think it, 

but you never know

My hope is just to find

steady hands along the way

& friends that,

even when I stumble,

will always, always stay

So I'll take another deep breath

& start another day

packing up & visiting

those I love along the way

Because though this is all crazy,

it will all work out fine

You'll be fine

It will all be okay

(56) Dive

There's a funny falling feeling

when you're looking at the edge

I inch forward & see

this whole vast wide future

staring up at me

the colors & the winds

stirring up my hopes & dreams

tugging my heart

& pulling me closer to the ledge

Here's where I learn to fly

spread my wings,

deep breath,

& dive

(51) Not Over

Some nights I wish

I could reach across the miles

in an instant

& remind you that this story

isn't over yet

the world is full mixed signals

& changing paths

we're far from who we

seem to be

(27) Please

Sugar snap peas & yogurt
cheerful in the middle of the night
Watching Bones alone again
but at least this time
it's one the up & up
Something I want
is moving forward
Some kind of change
Please change
Brain, heart, help
meh
Yet I keep moving on

(20) Goodbyes

I've hit the point

of paradox 

The limbo of home

I'm looking forward

to my normal life,

but scared to say 

goodbye

Goodbyes feel so weird

Because when will

I see you again?

How do I know

my plan will work

or that we can stay the same?

It's just a couple of months

all filled with

new plans & change

It's exciting to move forward

but at the same time...

I wish it could

remain the same.

Everything

"You have a specific responsibility to existence, to God if you like, to taste, touch, and smell what there is to experience.  You have to do everything.  If given an option between doing something and not doing it, you have to do it; because you've already don the 'not do it' part. This can be juvenile and dangerous, I realize, and there are a lot of things I have chosen not to do, for a million reasons.  I was raised polite.  I've never hurt anyone, except guys I was sparring or fighting with.  And I don't take needless risks.  The idea is to make it through intact; 'safety' is my  middle name.  But I feel that you owe it to the world to be curious.  Somebody asked me if I was looking for something.  I am looking for everything."

That quote is from Sam Sheridan's brilliant book A Fighter's Heart which I am currently reading and a bit in love with. I read it, and I see something of myself reflected back up at me.  I spend a lot of time in the "not do it" department of life, and I think I miss many things.  This is not who I planned to be, nor is it where I intend to remain.  I choose each day to do something more to make something new.

I too am looking for everything.

How will I find it?

Grudge

My family is wonderful.  We tend to be an incredibly hilarious and fiercely loyal group.  We love each other, and we love our friends.  We take care of each other and the people around us as best we can.  We give whatever we have to whomever we can.  I am proud of who we are, but we do have a pretty frustrating flaw.

We are also brilliant at holding grudges.

This drives me insane.  I can't pretend that I don't have this very much in my veins because I am currently trying to loosen my grip on a grudge that I have developed over the past two years that is completely stupid, but I am struggling to let go of.  I'm also trying to keep myself from becoming bitter over things that are really outside of my control or the control of people around me.

God give me strength to not be a total moron about my relationships, please.  I want to be a better version of myself each and every day, and I know I can't be holding onto anger or frustration and withholding forgiveness.  It's counterproductive and unhealthy.  Le sigh.

I guess what I need to do is remember the best bits of my soul and who I am, and try to shake out the rest and rebuild.

Here's as a good a place as any to start.

How You Ever Gonna Know

Everything is exactly the same tonight, but that's really just the surface.  My room is still a complete train wreck with it's overflow of boxes, blankets, books, and papers, but I'm not the same.

I've been sitting here for the past several hours listening to a warped array of music from Ella Fitzgerald to The Features to a little Garth Brooks and slowly letting it sink in that in less than a month I will no longer live here.  It scares the living bejeebers out of me.  I have lived with my folks for the past 26 years (not including the 18 months I lived in Atlanta for school), and I am realizing I have no idea what I'm doing.

Over the past several months I have spent a lot of time talking to God and trying to truly trust him.  I know he's not going to drop me on my head, and I know this little tug in my heart pulling me forward is from him...I just wish I wasn't still struggling to believe.

Going to Ohio is the right thing to do.  I need to force myself out.  To take this next step.  To have faith that even if it seems insane, this will prove to be something amazing.  God isn't going to let me down.

Tonight I will take a couple more deep breaths.  I will work the sleep out of my curled up right leg, and I will add a few more to-do's to my to-do list.  I will hold God's promises to my heart knowing He's got only my best in mind, and also holding to the thought that there are many more good deeds to be done and hearts to be warmed.

Good things will come of this bit of insanity, even if it's not what I'm expecting.

Wish me luck,
J

ps.  Favorite Things of This Very Moment (10:41 pm):

• Newly photocopied recipes to try
• Slipper boots
• Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie
• Names
• To-do lists
• Sleep leaving my legs
• Dangly silver earrings
• Hope

Ungolden Silence

Wrapped up inside
of questions and the vague
outline of fears

It's probably nothing
I'm too young to die
but people have

I want to be scared
and honest
but it's hard to do

No one wants to talk
when they think
they might lose you

So this ungolden silence,
held tight in my chest,
it's the only sound

The echoing quiet
the rolling absence
the nothing of it all

How do you say I love you
when no one want to hear
because that could also mean goodbye?

I'm not trying to be pessimistic
I just want truth
because...

What if's aren't always a luxury
sometimes they're just fact
which could be a doctor's next word

Just because I bring luck
doesn't mean
I get to keep it

I'm trying to hold out hope
with no one to hold on to
Or someone to say they hear me

Just hear me
Acknowledge that I'm scared
and that this is real

because I'm tired of standing in this quiet alone

This is the New Year, a New Beginning

I have given quite a bit of thought to New Year's Resolutions in the past week or so, and I have realized, once again, that I have much I still want to accomplish or enjoy.  As a result, I have come up with a new list of changes/new trials/ideas that I will be trying to implement this year.

For the Coming Year (in no particular order):

• I will cut back on impulse buying.  I still have some medical bills to pay off, a move to consider, a new job to find, and a bigger life to start living.
• I will try to cook more.  I do quite a bit of baking already, but I was given a pair of excellent cookbooks by my brother, David and his fantastic girlfriend, Kelsey for Christmas, and I'd like to actually make myself real meals.  I know this would be cheaper and healthier for me as well.  It's worth a try.
• I will save money out of every paycheck.  I've been terrible about preparing for my future/saving, and it's time to really get that underway.  If I could get this going, I would actually have money put aside when the next storm comes.
• I will try to lose 2 lbs or more each month of the coming year.  It may not sound like much, but it would be a lot easier to see to the end of that goal each month than to set a huge and crazy goal.  This I can do.
• I will try and get the children's book I wrote this past year published.  And then I will write another.
• I will pay off all the medical bills I have accrued this past year, and the few I will have before the end of January.  This is doable.  I just have to plan it out and make it happen.
• I will start paying my father back.  I owe him money from when I was putting myself through school and had some insane car problems.  My goal for this over all is to pay him back completely by the time I am 30.  It's a few years away yet, I know I can make this happen.
• I will practice the ukulele. I was given one for Christmas this year which is a life-long dream come true, and so I am determined that I truly will learn to play.
• I will try harder to get along with my body. I have put my body through a lot this year, and it's done the same.  I would very much like for us to be on the same page and getting along finally.  I think after all these years, we both deserve a little compassion and to be better taken care of.
• I will practice Radical Honesty on a more regular-esque basis.
• I will give more toasts.  Because I can.
• Do something nice for someone else every day.

These goals will not be very easy for me, but I do believe I can make them happen.  I also believe they will allow me to be a healthier, happier person in this new year.  I'd like to have a go at a better life.

I suppose I should also update my bucket list, so here goes:

1. Love and be loved by a good man.
2. Finish reading all partially read books.
3. Send someone a telegram via telegramstop.com
4. Give more away.
5. Visit the ocean.
6. Make Eric Callaway his long ago promised Green blanket.
7. Write a long letter to the pope.
8. Buy a sarong.
9. Figure out what to do with the video camera.
10. Pay back my father.
11. Write my own obituary.
12. Wine and dine someone who deserves it.
13. Have a completed emergency fund.
14. Watch all of my RiffTrax at least once.
15. Become financially independent.
16. Learn to make hats.
17. Be me. And love being me.

Something's Gotta Give (And I Think It's Me)

Today is nowhere close to over, and it already feels like both an eternity and a blink.

I went and saw the surgeon today.  My mom went with me (because she's wonderful) and as we were driving up we were talking.  I told her I had had a dream where Dr. Soni (my surgeon) told me that he didn't want to do surgery till after Christmas, and in the dream I had immediately wanted to kill him with his own surgical implements.

My mom laughed, but then turned very serious and said, "I do think we should be prepared for the worst."
"Like what?" I replied, "Like he won't let me have surgery until November?  I mean, you don't seriously think he'd wait till after Christmas...because if he did that, I might really have to kill him."
"No, no.  I don't think he'll wait that long, but it may not be as soon as you want. Or he may tell you that they want to drain that cyst before they'll do surgery..." she paused, and I knew exactly where she was heading. "I know you really didn't like it when they talked about having to drain that before.  Especially since you know that means-"
"I know what it means, but they would have to knock me out or something.  There is no way I would let them do that with me conscious.  I would have to kill them if they did that, or at least hit someone in the face," I said to cut her off.  I didn't want to be thinking about the fact that them draining this cyst could very well mean that they would probably have to stick a great big needle in my stomach to drain the cyst.
"Maybe, but we just have to realize that this may not be something easy and that they may have options of how you can go about doing this."

This lead into a glorious conversation where I cried a lot because all I really want to do is move to Ohio.  I have been planning this move for the past several months.  I have been looking forward to moving in with Jake and Amber all this time, and had told my office that I would be leaving at the end of September.  I would be heading out and starting over and possibly actually proving to myself that I am, in fact, a real adult. Instead, things are being pushed back.  I will still move in with Jake and Amber, but now I have no firm ideas of when I will be healthy enough to move.  And this is what I told Mom.  I don't understand God's timing.  I know it's good, and that He's got better timing and plans than I have, but sometimes that doesn't make it easier, when all the plans and dreams you have been building towards feel like they're unraveling.  Especially when you already feel like you're a bit of a failure as adults go.

My wonderful mother told me that I was not a failure as an adult or otherwise.  That I am capable, that this will still work out, and that it may seem scary, but facing our fears helps us grow.  Not only do we grow, but sometimes facing those fears leads to even better things.  She told me she and my dad believed in me, and that they may not be able to always fix things, but they would never always do whatever they could to support me.  Things would work out.  God won't let me fall.

I don't know if you know this, but my parents are phenomenal people.

We finally got up to the surgeon's, and I went in and paid an exorbitant fee (because I am insane and did not get myself insurance the moment I turned 26) and signed papers and showed them my photo idea (apparently to prove that I am the only lunatic named Jaymin Cheatwood who would show up and pay a ton of money to have a surgical "consult").  Then we waited.  Sometime after I was supposed to actually have my appointment, a very sweet nurse named Maria came out and got me.

She did an initial couple of tests, weight, and had me reexplain how the heck I had gotten myself to the point of a surgical consult.  Then she told me Dr. Soni would be in shortly.  Another ten minutes or so pass, and then, lo and behold, who should appear but Dr. Soni (with his insanely long eye lashes, and incredibly messy hair, perhaps we wore a hat to work?) with Maria again to take notes.

After about 30 seconds of him poking around at my abdomen, he told me that he wanted to schedule me for another CT scan, and that he wanted me to see Dr. Ikenberry (the gastroenterologist).  He also wanted me to come back and see him after the CT scan.  He told me he really doesn't believe that the spots on my liver are cancer, but they'll still need to look at them again.  He also wants to see if the psuedocyst is going down at all and to make sure my pancreas is doing alright.  He said he really doesn't want to do surgery until the psuedocyst goes down a bit more (or they'll go in if I end up very sick), and if it doesn't, they'll have to go in and drain it.  Then he asked if I had any questions.  I really didn't.

My mom asked about recovery time from having my gall bladder removed.  He said he really didn't want to talk about the surgery and recovery time until we set up the actual procedure.  Dr. Soni seems to think that in roughly a month, when I see him next, that he'll be able to tell us more about all of that and get everything lined up.  He said they'll set up the CT scan for me, to make the appointment with Ikenberry, and that he'd see me in a month.

I spent less than 7 minutes will him, for a truly ridiculous price.  All this better be worth it.

So we left and headed home.  I told Mom that I had no idea how to feel about all of this.  Yes, they think I am healing, but I still have no idea when I'll get to have surgery.  This means I still have no idea about anything else too.

No idea when I will be feeling better.
No idea when I will get to move to Ohio.
No idea how I am going to pay for all of this.

No idea.

Mom handed me her phone and had me call Dad to tell him how things went, and as I am in the middle of telling him how frustrated I was that I paid a ridiculous (at least to me) sum of money to see a doctor that told me mostly what I had already heard, but not anything closer to me having surgery, and that I'd see him for maybe 7 minutes...Dad stops me and says, "I put $75 in your account."  He goes on to tell me that a beloved cousin had asked him to deposit money into my account to help with my expenses in all this.  I thanked him for the good news, told him I loved him, and got off the phone.

I ended up crying for the next 10 or so minutes.  I was just so overwhelmed by the love and kindness of someone who I already adore and respect so much...God's timing really is perfect.

I still don't know a lot of things about my future, immediate or otherwise, and I am still incredibly frustrated at some of this because I still don't feel like I have answers for something that should be so simple, but at the same time I know this: I am so blessed.

God is using the people I love and respect, along with acquaintances and a couple of strangers to show me that He loves me, and that He's got this under control.

Something's gotta give, obviously, and it needs to be me.

So here's my white flag God.  I surrender.  You've got to take care of this because clearly I cannot.



One last thing because I haven't done one any time recently, here is a list.

Favorite Things of This Very Moment (3:25 pm CST):

• Kleenex
• My Hawaiian Breeze fan
• Writing thank you notes
• Tall glasses of ice water and lemon
• The bracelet Nikky made me at FUEL this year which I have been wearing all day
• Mom's pep talks
• My dad
• Sleeping kitties (who are NOT on the table this time)
• Surprises