Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

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Favorite things of this very moment (10:13 am CST):

• Having just put my 3rd dose of meds in my system and knowing that this is taking the Strep and the pain of this whole past week out of my system...finally
• Getting into my email today and seeing an email from the tall one when I've barely spoken to him in almost 3 weeks now
• Feeling the ache slowly fade into the feeling of a bruise constantly being poked at instead of the throbbing pain of a new wound that aches with every beat of your heart
• Nikky's latest draft of "Somewhere in the Middle"
• Tyler Hilton
• Christmas lights
• Watching the snow fall and knowing my brothers will be the ones clearing off my car because they're trying to keep me healthy
• That my car door actually opened right away this morning...miracle of miracles
• Knowing I'll be going to work today for the first time in a full week
• Kleenex
• Trying to understand all the dreams I've had lately
• My beautiful rainbow colored slipper-socks that I bought myself last week...the day I got sick actually...ha.
• Knowing Christmas is only two short days away

What can you say? The snow is falling and it's beautiful today. Today has all the individuality of a snowflake, but little of the cold. Today is a stack of presents under the tree with all the mystery that lies with them. Today is dancing in the living room in your pj's and socks when it's already late morning and you still haven't accomplished anything.

Today is 2 days before Christmas. Two.

Life has a funny way of moving even when you can't do anything. I have been sick since last Tuesday. A full week of my life spent between my bed and the couch feeling like my eardrums were going to explode and eating enough to make my stomach stop clawing at me, but not enough to ever feel satisfied. Enough soup involved to make me think soup will be avoided if possible for awhile. A week in which I did barely any reading and watched more movies and TV show seasons than I dreamed possible. A wasted week.

But life moves.

I did manage to go to church on Sunday. It was beautiful. My dad puts together the Christmas service every year. I think it's one of the highlights of his year, and that's alright with me. He always does a wonderful job. This year he made it a walk through Bethlehem. It was beautiful. He got the little ones involved, had a group of guys sing, just involved a whole bunch of people in the service that aren't normally involved. It was beautiful. Everything just focused back to the wonder of the season. The wonder of little ones and how amazing the Christmas story really is. Especially when you look at it through the eyes of a child. Just think about Christ's birth and the angels and the shepherds. Everything is so incredible and amazing, but all too often we stop thinking about the beauty and wonder of the season and of Christ's miraculous birth. Instead we get swept away in the commercialism of the season.

The Charlie Brown Christmas special is my favorite for this very reason. Everyone so caught up the in the commercialism of the season, and then you have Linus come out on the stage and tell you exactly what Christmas really is all about: Good news of great joy which shall be to all people.

Shouldn't that be our focus? The beauty of the fact that we were given a small baby who grew to be the savior of the world. Who was God's love personified and given to all of us?

Isn't that amazing?

So spread the joy and the love today. Have yourself a merry little Christmas, my friend. Find something little (or big) to do for someone else today. Clean off someone's car for them. Shovel someone's walk. Make someone some cookies. Send a friendly note. Do the dishes or the laundry. It doesn't have to be big or fancy, just make sure you spread a little love today. Those little things are what make everything worthwhile.

With all my love, I wish you the merriest of merry Christmases (especially if I don't make it on this again before Christmas). May it be full of love, life, joy and all the beauty your heart can contain. And maybe even a little magic. :)

Joy

Favorite things of this very moment (2:43 pm):

• Having plans for next Friday night to hang out with Amber (I can finally give her the Christmas present that has been sitting on my dresser since the last time I saw her)
• Having plans for this weekend with Herminder and possibly Cindy (It's so weird to actually have plans to do anything at all on the weekends considering my practically hermit-like state for the past 6 months or so)
• The wacky lamps here at the office
• Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare
• Having finished De Profundis by Oscar Wilde

Yes, things are going to be just fine.

You know what brings me joy? Lots of things. I've decided to share some with you in light of a friend recently sharing with me some things that really brought her joy and therefore made me feel compelled to share some joy here as well...yeah...

For instance, I love watching the snow fall while sitting in my big orange chair sipping tea or hot chocolate. I could sit there all day reading and listening to some Coldplay or Train or John Mayer, something that makes me feel safe and comfortable. It's one of those things that makes the rest of the world disappear for awhile. Just to be able to think and relax and enjoy the beauty of the snowflakes floating down creating a new world in such a short span of time. It's overwhelmingly beautiful at times.

I also find pleasure in my drive home from work every evening. It's a very short drive and incredibly uneventful, but in the fall and winter I usually get to see the sky at sunset...the clouds that turn into cotton candy pastels or dark and royal shades of purple or even neon pink to a point you expect to see advertisements. But the only thing the clouds really advertise is that God is definitely at work. I think the way the sunlight plays across the fields dancing in the shadows of the snow hills or bushes...it's beautiful. I look up into the sky as I go along wishing I was a painter...it would be wonderful to paint the sunsets of every evening.

I recently was thinking about how wonderful it would be to own my own business if for no other reason than the fact that I could make sure I was able to go outside and watch the sunset every evening. No matter what time of year, I could always make sure I was out and watching the sun as it set, and there are few greater freedoms. It makes me envy generations before me that didn't have such hectic schedules or structured lives. People who were out in the fields watching the sunrise and set every day...I'm sure there were many things about their jobs they didn't enjoy all of the time, but I can't imagine anyone not being able to pause for a moment and thank God for the splendor of His design. The skies were some of His most glorious and beautiful works when I think about it.

Just think of the stars. And the moon. Oh. How I love them all. I live for summer nights when I can go out and lay on the trampoline at Kayla's and we count shooting stars and talk about whatever crosses our minds. Or simply those magical warm nights where the moon shines pure silver across everything, so bright you could drive home without headlights (I'll admit, I've done it before, I was just so entranced with the pale light...I had to try). It makes everything seem magical. Sometimes I feel as if fairies should appear, but in their absence, the fireflies will do. There's a complete and beautiful perfection in the stars...I adore it.

One of these days, I'd like to head to Montana or Wyoming or Alaska or even somewhere in the Canadian tundra....just so I could look at the night skies without all the light pollution. It must be magnificent. Can you imagine? And endless summer sky full of stars with the moon shining down on you. Definitely the perfect romantic setting. I think I'd want to lay on the grass and read A Midsummer Night's Dream on a night like that. Wouldn't it be perfect?

Well, now that I've really digressed...but that also brings me joy. I enjoy the silly tangents and daydreams that my life is so full of. Sure it's sometimes hard to get yourself back on track, but maybe that's for the best. Maybe the tangent you got off on is really where you need to be anyway. It's not improbable that's for sure.

Children's movies are another thing that brings me great amounts of joy. They're innocent and silly, and often they have a beautiful underlying message for children: Be who you were meant to be, Stand up for your friends and family, Be loyal, Be honest, Be generous and kindhearted, don't need to know where you're going as long as you know where you've been, and my favorite "Keep moving forward." That last one is especially true for me right now. (Is it strange that I find lessons in everything?) It's the one that I need to remember and find joy in the task. You keep moving forward. Will do.

Alright, enough of my nonsense. I just wanted to say that even though life gets messy, and my heart feels broken all too often anymore, there is still joy and so much beauty. Even in the brokenness.

Keep moving forward.