I Am Loved

Beautiful letter care package sent to me by Kim, Amber, Hilary, Regina,  Garble & Jeff

 I am so loved.  The picture above is the care package that came for me last week.  It came with instructions on when I could read each my beautiful letters and gave me a full week of love from some of the crew down at ABC who I dearly love and miss.  I have been writing letters back the rest of the week.  Every time I look at those letters or that envelope or write a letter back...it is impossible not to feel like I could explode because of how incredibly loved and filled with love I really am.  It blows me away, and it's a joy to know that I am as loved and missed by these amazing people as I love and miss them.

Amy holding Mara with Colton & I

Mara & Colton holding hands...how cute is that?

 The two previous pictures are of my wonderful friend Amy holding her niece Mara (my psuedo niece) and me holding our friends Carrie & Jerry's little boy, Colton.  I include these pictures because I am missing Amy like crazy today.  I got a letter and a mix cd from her in the mail today.  It is hands down the best mix I have received in ages.  It reminded me just how very much I am completely and totally loved.  I needed this love today because I have been home feeling a little like death.  But Amy's mix and the note that I am so very loved...it blew me away and reminded me of all the awesome times we had this summer.  I am so loved.

Adios for now.  Remember...YOU ARE LOVED!  By me and by God.  <3

Good Night, Moon

I keep staring at my phone like something is going to change and happen. Go figure, eh?

This week has been interesting. The past few have been interesting.

Let's catch up:

1. For Nikky & Yan's wedding, I learned how to tie bow ties. I am crazy proud of this for some reason. Maybe it's just because it's such a random skill, and I'm a fan of those. Whatever the reason, I'm thrilled to know this, and Yan's best man, Fred was adorable about it. He kept his tied through everything that night and told me that he was afraid to untie it because it looked so good and he knew he wouldn't be able to do it again.


2. Today I got texting on my phone. David and I got a new plan that's just the two of us. I'm a little nervous about that. The plan is fairly basic. I won't go over in minutes because I rarely talk on the phone, but the texting makes me a little nervous. Anyone on Verizon is welcome and able to text me and send me as many pictures as they darn well please, buuuut if they don't have that...it's going to make it a problem. David's girlfriend doesn't have Verizon either, so I am going to try and let him have most of the regular text messaging rights. I have no one like that, so yeah...although, the boy I want has Verizon, so maybe this will work out alright.


3. Sam kinda kills me.


4. As a reminder, Jordan Durham is my musical soul mate. For serious (as Joel says).


5. I am not returning to ABC until spring semester. That's tearing me up inside every other day. It's hard to explain exactly why to be honest. I know I need to finish up my degree at the college, but sometimes I wonder why God's saying "Wait." I'm trying to keep my eyes open because I'm clearly missing something.


6. David saw me rereading Agnes & the Hitman for the 7th(?) time the other night, and I told him I always see the people I would cast for the various parts when I read it: Mark Wahlberg as Shane, Reese Witherspoon as Agnes, Matthew McConaughy as Taylor, etc. He asked why I don't just right the screenplay. I've been toying with the idea ever since. I just am totally unsure of how you would go about starting that, especially when it's someone else's book. May have to do some looking into that.


7. My room still looks like the victim of a natural disaster and I'm struggling to motivate myself to change it. I know I need to finish unpacking and actually set up my life here, but it's really hard to do. I just feel overwhelmed, and it makes me want to throw everything but my books out and start over. In reality though, I don't think that would really cure anything. I think it would just be another way of avoiding the reality of this current situation, and I really just need to embrace this and find the joy.


8. I received a letter in the mail this week from one of my family group girls from FUEL this year. Marisa sent me a beautiful letter and a bracelet she'd made and told me exactly what had stuck with her from all the things I said while we were at FUEL. The whole week I worried that I was saying too much and that the girls were just glazing over. I kept praying that God would give me all the words I needed to be saying to them. He came through for me as he always does. It was so cool to see how God touched one of my girls' hearts and see what kind of change it's making. God does amazing, amazing things.


9. I've been reminded of how awesome my friends here at home are. Jay and Morgan especially. Jay is coming to the house for our first front porch talk since I've been home (how on earth we managed to go the whole summer without one still confuses me), and hopefully it will catch us both up on each others' lives a bit. We need that. And Morgan, sweet, hilarious Morgan. Morgan has been good at reminding me that we need to spend time together, and that dinner each week always brings me joy and helps me to walk away smiling about something. God blesses me so much.


10. Books. Beloved, wonderful, glorious books. I've been staring at my shelves again, and I'm realizing that I really am finally breaking my book collection down to EXACTLY what I love best. Everything else is given away or returned to the original owner with lovely thank you notes or donated to the library. The collection may shrink, but now it's easier to see who I really am. I love the worn binding on many of my books and the scribbled notes and highlighted portions of each of them. Each is so loved.

This is but a tiny, tiny portion of my life right now, but it's still what's going on. You needed to know. I needed to say it. And now:

Favorite Things of This Very Moment (12:31 am CST):

• "Bella's Lullaby" by Carter Burwell


• "New Moon (The Meadow)" by Alexandre Desplat


• "Jacob's Theme" by Howard Shore


• My wonderful friend, Amy's adorable, brilliant new blog: http://lovesewbeautiful.blogspot.com/


• Texting (I still miss the iPod, but this will do for now)


• Knowing my bed is a few feet away and in a few more moments, I'll be asleep there


• The much cooler weather

The Amazing Amy Cunningham

(The lovely Amy Cunningham attempting to eat one of the cream puffs from China Buffet even though Morgan had just made some pretty sketchy comments about their taste and condition. Forever the courageous one.)

The Traveling IL Summer Mix (Summer 2011):

1. Blessings - Laura Story


2. Wait and See - Brandon Heath


3. Hands - The Almost


4. Sing, Sing, Sing - Chris Tomlin


5. This is Love - Aaron Winner


6. Praise You in this Storm - Casting Crowns


7. Alive Again - Matt Maher


8. Washed by the Water - Needtobreathe


9. Our Love is Loud - David Crowder Band


10. Hello Hurricane - Switchfoot


11. Hold Us Together - Matt Maher


12. Love is Here - Tenth Avenue North


13. Wait for the Morning - Aaron Winner


14. God of this City - Chris Tomlin


15. How Great - David Crowder Band


16. YHWH Saves - Aaron Winner


17. How He Loves - David Crowder Band


18. Love Never Fails - Brandon Heath

This was the mix I made for Amy. I feel it was the soundtrack for our summer.

Tonight I went with Amy and my brother Joel to dinner at Taco Bell, a classy dinner to be sure, and it was a great pointless casual dinner. I enjoyed it a great deal and I think they both did as well. The thing about it though is that it was my last evening with Amy before she left. Sad days.

Amy and I really didn't know each other before this summer. We knew about each other and had met, but we weren't really friends. That all changed the night she decided to get in my car to go to Jay's and it would lead to a really hilarious road trip up to MN Camp and a lot of swapped stories about lives and loves and families and favorites.

You ever meet someone who you just feel at ease with? Someone who brings out the best in you? Amy is like that for me. She's one of those great people who sees the good in you and makes you better for it.

I'm glad I came home this summer. I think getting to know Amy was definitely one of the reasons God brought me home, and I am grateful for that.

Life is good. God is good. Thank goodness for hilarious summers and great friends like the amazing Amy Cunningham.

Merry-Go-Round, for You, for Me

Amy trying to make sure she didn't throw up (as per my request), and despite the look of semi-terror, she had a great time.

Jay spinning me around on the merry-go-round. Bless him. He does a really great job of spinning you REALLY fast. Maybe the extremely long legs help.

Jay took this sweet, sweet picture of the merry-go-round in Lowell Park the other night after we were just about done spinning on it. Such a glorious good time.

Jay enjoying himself on the merry-go-round.

As you can see, I have been up to something lately. I'm actually a bit behind in talking about the things I'm thankful for, but I'll skip around a bit.

All these pictures are from a trip to Lowell Park down in Dixon this past Sunday with Jay and Amy (as you have already seen). Amy and I had discussed our mutual love of pointless, spinning, semi-dangerous playground equipment. We had a wonderful time at MN Camp playing on the Witch's hat. If you are unaware of what this glorious playground item is, look it up. They're like a much sharper, more painful merry-go-round. Most of the girls in our cabin were bleeding at one point or another due to that particular device, but all of us had to get back on. As a result of our realized mutual love, I told Amy that Lowell Park still had a great functioning merry-go-round.

I hadn't been there in a few years. In fact, the last time I was there may have been the night that Nikky, David, Kelsey and I decided to go eat Taco Bell for dinner and then get on the merry-go-round. That ended in all of us laying on the merry-go-round while David slowly pushed with one foot while we all talked about how miserable we felt and how one of us was definitely going to puke. Miraculously none of us did, but that story will definitely go in my eventual (read "inevitable") memoirs, Caffeine & Bad Choices. As a result of this mistake (though hilarious), I had told Amy that we needed to go play on the merry-go-round with Jay, then go to Taco Bell for dinner, then go to Jay's to watch "Anchor Man" (because Amy hadn't seen it yet, and...well, it sounded like a GREAT way to end a good evening).

So we did. :)

I am thankful for this. I am thankful I have a couple friends up here that are willing to be a little immature for an evening and spend some time spinning on a merry-go-round in the perfect sunlight of a quiet Sunday afternoon in July. Spinning in the gold light and forgetting all about the things we have to face in the real world come Monday and beyond. I am thankful we were allowed this brief escape. I am thankful for Jay and Amy. I am thankful for reckless behavior and outdated playground equipment. I am thankful for perfect gold sunlight on Sunday afternoons.

Mostly though, I am thankful for this life I have been given. Crazy and confusing as it is some days. Reckless and wishy-washy as I am some days...this is a beautiful life. I am thankful it's mine.

Good night, my loves.

Ps. What are you thankful for?

Snippets of Conversations (Other Peoples' Words)

"You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope." - Jane Austen, Persuasion

"You guys are way too pretty to not have boyfriends!" - Katie, age 9, to Amy Cunningham and I at MN Camp

"I'll do your hair for your dates when we're at ABC," said Shelby Upton as she was doing my hair for Miiitch and Kimmie's wedding...

And when I gave her a funny look and said with a sigh, "Yes..."

Replied with, "Oh, you will have dates...as soon as Sam gets a brain. You will have dates."

“How do you tell a person that they’re magical,
That there are no favorites—that you love them as a whole?”
-Jacob Zuniga, “I Should’ve Stayed Home and Done my Calc”

J.D.: [narration] There are a few things I've always believed in. Flowers are good for any occasion. And nothing is more important than making time for an old friend, especially if the old girl has seen better days. Because even if it breaks your heart to be "just friends," if you really care about someone, you'll take the hit.
-Zach Braff, “Scrubs”

“My pride shut me up, my hurt shut down, and together they ganged up on my hope and let her get away.”
-Nick in Rachel Cohn & David Levithan’s Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist

Good, Good Life

I am so terribly, incredibly, amazingly lucky. God blesses me in such lovely ways.

For instance, I am currently possessing directions for my travels tomorrow along with some tasty snacks (including blue gummi sharks...I swear, it's such a small thing, but God knows my heart...it's all about the little things), and I have a good grasp on my lessons for the week. I may not be the world's best teacher, but I'm going to give it my best shot and hopefully the kids will get good things out of it and be blessed despite my failings. In my weakness God is stronger, and I'm going to do a lot relying on Him to show me how to present what I need to present to the kids this week.

I am also blessed because I have parents who are willing to help me out when I realize I've done a terrible job scheduling myself. My parents are consistently amazing and helpful. They have never failed to come through for me when I really did need the help. God blesses me every day through them.

Tomorrow should be exciting too. I mean, I've got a whole day of getting to know Amy. Hopefully she'll still be excited to be around me after tomorrow. haha. It will be a good day. And this week will be full of surprises and new friends I am sure. I can't wait to take a crazy large number of pictures.

The Thanksgiving Summer

Early this week my brother David called me and asked me to come to dinner. He said he and Kelsey were going to have my favorite high school teacher to dinner that night as well. The theme would be "Summer Thanksgiving." I, of course, agreed.

I was driving down to their apartment Thursday afternoon and I was pondering the idea of "Summer Thanksgiving." I knew he meant that they were doing a meal that would incorporate some traditional Thanksgiving foods in very non-traditional ways, but I decided to flip-flop this theme. Thus was born my brain's conception of the Thanksgiving Summer.

This concept actually has been floating through my head in it's own little sailboat ever since the car ride Thursday afternoon. I've decided to embrace it. I am constantly trying to find more ways/people/places/ideas to help me see good and be more grateful/thankful, and as a result, I've decided that this is going to be my Thanksgiving Summer.

The Thanksgiving Summer is going to mean I will be doing more to find the joy and wonder in each and every day and show a true appreciation for it.

A couple of amazing things to start off this season of Thanksgiving: I am thankful for my brother David and his lovely girlfriend Kelsey. I had such a blast having dinner with them on Thursday night, and getting to hang out with Mr. J. V. Young after all these years was an experience all to itself. David and Kelsey made some really delicious turkey burgers and banana/sweet potato balls that I plan to duplicate come the fall for my roommates. Getting a chance to talk to Kelsey, David, and Mr. Young was hilarious and wonderful. I also finally found a wine I like. Berringer's White Zinfandel. (Did I even come close to spelling that right?) It was really delicious and worked really well with dinner. There is nothing stranger than realizing you've helped consume 3 bottles of white wine over a dinner party that consists of the oldest of your 3 little brothers, his girlfriend, and a high school teacher you haven't seen or spoken to in years. I am thankful for that crazy evening and the idea of "Summer Thanksgiving" which led to this little idea. I am thankful.

I have a new job. I am extremely grateful for this. I am back to work at the pharmacy I worked for last summer, but now I am just working on cleaning up some book keeping issues they had with the computer system. Hopefully I'll be able to get a lot of that cleaned up for them before I head back to school in August. I'm just excited that they wanted me to come back and offered me this job. It's full-time, and I like it a lot. I am thankful.

Next amazing thing, I head to MN for Junior Camp on Sunday with the lovely Amy Cunningham. I am teaching a class all week, and I think Amy is speaking one of the nights. Because I am lacking a calendar to keep my schedule together, I didn't realize until about 9pm that I am supposed to be leaving for MN on Sunday morning. Yes...and I still hadn't looked over my class material. Thankfully I've been able to get quite a bit of that together in the few hours since and I also put together a basic plan of action. I am thinking I should be alright. I am grateful for the opportunity to go to the camp, and I am glad that my work is so willing to work with my hectic summer schedule. I am also thankful for the experience of the drive up to MN and back with Amy. I don't know her super well, but the more I get to know about her, the more amazing I realize she really is. I am genuinely looking forward to that road trip with her. I am also looking forward to meeting some new people at MN camp. I'll only know a few people at the camp besides Amy, and I don't know any of them super well. One of them is Jack, and I am looking forward to getting to know him a bit better because he's moving down to McDonough to attend ABC in the fall. It will be great to get to know him a bit better before he comes down. I am thankful for this opportunity.

I am also thankful for Jennie Lee Montgomery, Cayce Ballard, Jordan Bemister, Allison & Heather Jones. I received a video today that proved that I really do have a fan club in SC & GA as well. These lovely girls cheered me on. They reminded me that I am very much loved and missed in the south. Nice to know that when I get back in August I'll have people who very much want me there. I miss them all so much. For this I am thankful.

Mostly though, I am thankful to be home for the summer and for being given the crazy opportunities to travel and help that I am. MN Camp, FUEL, Nikky's wedding in August...life is incredibly insane, but I am loving every moment of this glorious Thanksgiving Summer. I hope you do too.

What are you thankful for?

Thank You, Amy Cunningham.

My friend Amy recently created a to-do list of sorts for 2011. I was inspired by that, I'd like to share with you my working to-do list. It is probably not complete, but I'll share with you what I have.

2011 To-Do:

1. Trust God.
2. Love and be loved by a good man.
3. Finish reading all partially read books.
4. Read and return all borrowed books.
5. Make a baby blankets for Jerry & Carrie’s little one and Dan & Rachel’s baby too.
6. Watch as much Eddie Izzard as is available to me.
7. Learn some basic guitar.
8. Finish going through my books and giving away/selling as many as possible.
9. Make mixes for more people.
10. Send more postcards. (And seriously consider buying literary postcards from barnesandnoble.com)
11. Write more thank-you’s.
12. Keep stamps on hand.
13. Read 365 Thank Yous by John Kralik, The Venetian’s Wife by Nick Bantock, and A Well-Kept Home by Laura Fronty.
14. Send someone a telegram via telegramstop.com.
15. Create my own God Box.
16. Do something nice for someone else every day.
17. Give more away.
18. Hang the Swan in the apartment.
19. Find a job.
20. Give more money.
21. Visit the ocean.
22. Less bad words, more positive statements.
23. Get to know the Barton’s a bit better.
24. Make Eric Callaway his long ago promised Green blanket.
25. Pay for the next car at a toll booth.
26. Try Bailey’s.
27. Live on just bread and water for 3 days.
28. Do a 3 day green tea detox.
29. Write a long letter to the pope.
30. Write a letter to a famous person I admire.
31. Give more toasts.
32. Buy a sarong.
33. Pay Dad at least half of what I owe.
34. Write my own obituary.
35. Wine and dine someone who deserves it.
36. Buy/receive/inherit/collect an external hard drive.
37. Take EGWTBTE pictures.
38. Take pictures of pirate Ned.
39. Have a completed emergency fund.
40. Watch “Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist” with Regina
41. Write and send a letter to Santa Claus.
42. Lose some weight so that when I’m called upon to do it, I can look good in a bridesmaids dress.
43. Call people back and call when I say I will.
44. Try to encourage Cynthia.
45. Tell people I love them more often.
46. Practice radical honesty on a more regular-esque basis.
47. Watch Avatar on RiffTrax.
48. Burn more candles.
49. Take trips whenever possible.
50. Visit Nikky.
51. Buy foam swords and have sword fights.
52. Own “Hadestown” album by Anais Mitchell.
53. Write in my blog more. (Hey look! I'm doing that right now!)
54. Believe it when someone tells me that I’m beautiful or that I look nice or really any compliment at all.
55. Take better care of my hands.
56. Try new recipes.
57. Finish organizing quotes.
58. Teach Amber how to make Cheesecake.
59. Exercise (at minimum) 3 times a week.
60. Acquire Munchkin.
61. Learn to make granny squares.
62. Do more to encourage my fellow students (and the staff too).
63. Argue and deal with confrontation (and confront, if necessary) in a biblical way.
64. Take pictures.
65. Say “yes” more often.
66. Take a Sabbath from the interwebz.
67. Shred whatever old financial junk that is feasible and safe to shred.
68. Call home more.

Well, it's a work in progress. There will probably be additions to this list as the year goes by, but for now, this is what I have. It's long, but I have 363 days to do these (including today, oh yes). I think I might just be able to do this.

Be encouraged this year, my friends. 2011 is going to be a good year. A great year. I have no idea where God is going to lead us, but I'm excited to find out.

Love,

J