All the Words that I Wanted to Sing Got Replaced with a Wedding Ring...

He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane. I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind & mercy.  When all of the sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me.

David Crowder*Band totally speaks my heart.

Today I am grateful for love like a hurricane that bends but doesn't break me but instead points out to me that I am loved by the Creator of the Universe.  I need His love so desperately today.

There is a great Matthew Mayfield song called "Fire Escape" which I believe I have mentioned in other posts, and the song ends with him saying, "All the words that I wanted to sing got replaced with a wedding ring."  I have had that song playing in the back of my mind for ages and ages now  with the hopes that this wouldn't be my song.  This song wouldn't be always playing in the back of my mind.  Today it finally becomes mine.

by Andre Jordan

All the words that I wanted to sing...they were replaced with an engagement ring.  And God only knows how long they'll be replaced with wedding rings and vows.

"Fire Escape" won't always be my song.  One of these days it will fade and I'll be able to have something else echoing with joy through the back of my mind.  For tonight though, I will let myself mourn the loss of a best friend who chose a path none of us expected, who chose to cut me out of his life virtually every way he could have, and who is now engaged.

R.S.B, my dear friend, my sunshine and heart, I wish you happiness.  I pray that God blesses you, my dear.  That He gives you clarity of mind and heart so that you can make good decisions that will bring you love and bring you closer to Him daily.  If this woman truly brings you closer to God and brings out the best in you and your heart, than I ask that He would bless your relationship as well.  I just want you to be healthy and happy.  You are something good.  Really, you are.  Please never doubt that.  I love you.

And now, I think I will crank some better tunes, try to sleep, and keep my phone off for awhile.  Things will be better in the morning.

The Other Woman

I realized recently that I have someone how become the "other woman" in a friend of mine's relationship.  He's been dating this girl since the beginning of April, and I am not a fan.  I am sure she's lovely person in the grand scheme of things, and God loves her, so she can't be all bad, right?  I just know she's not good for him.  The seem forced and fake and awkward and everyone feels uncomfortable around them when they're together.  It's not good.

The odd thing is, he hides that he talks to me from her.  I didn't realize this until recently.  For a long time, our super close friendship was highly public knowledge, even after they started dating, but then things shifted.  She sent me a weird email telling me that my relationship with her boyfriend made her uncomfortable and, without saying it directly, to back the hell off.  She sent me a friend request on Facebook at the same time.  I ignored both because I was afraid I would say something mean.  I don't want to fight with this girl.  Not really.  I just want to continue being a friend the way I have been all along.

After that our relationship cut off for awhile.  I told him I'd be here when he wanted me, but that I didn't want tangled up in this mess because I knew his new girlfriend didn't like me.  It lasted about a month...and then I couldn't take it any longer.  I missed him.  He had been (and is still) the one person I feel the need to talk to EVERY day.

Now we talk on a daily basis, but his end is kinda sporadic.  A few weeks ago, I realized that he was texting me whenever she wasn't with him.  Is it bad that I find this hilarious?  We don't do anything creepy or inappropriate or super weird.   We just talk about life.

Tonight I find out that not only does he really only text me when she's not around, but that he put auto delete on his texting.  Yeah...

Seriously, am I the "Other Woman" now?  This is so unreal.