Thou Art Giving and Forgiving

I find myself singing weird statement to the "Ode to Joy" instead of doing anything worthwhile this evening.  I had a 4 text discussion about mail order brides with a man I've never met (no, I'm not planning on being a mail order bride and neither is he), but outside of that this evening has been cheerfully normal.  Homemade cocoa was a bonus, but otherwise I watched Christmas specials on TV with my family and then tucked myself away to read.  Few pleasures in life are as perfect as drinking tea while reading a book and listening to the right soundtrack.  I'm working my way back through Hot Toy which is one of Jennifer Crusie's novellas.  It's a good one.  Guns, gin, plus some Han Solo references and a librarian who has a nephew she adores...minus the guns...it sounds a little like me.  I could use a little more in the way of Han Solo references, but that's just me.

Plus I guess I'm wondering if I'm too strange to hold a real conversation with today, but that could just be the fact that at this point I am an hour past my bedtime.  Today I convinced Forrest to type a whole paragraph just using the letters his left hand should type on the keyboard (we may have been a little bored today), finished reading a juvenile chapter books called The League of Unexceptional Children, and have been contemplating writing Tom Hiddleston a Christmas card even though he either will never get a chance to read it or won't read it until ages past Christmas.

What must that be like I wonder...having so much mail you can't keep up with it?  Real mail not email.  I'm not sure many problems could be more glorious.

I think tonight I may write a letter to Santa so I can put it in the mail tomorrow (our postal workers here in town already think I'm a loon, so it won't change anything).

Good night, my loves.  May you find yourself cheered by your own Han Solo references.

The Other Woman

I realized recently that I have someone how become the "other woman" in a friend of mine's relationship.  He's been dating this girl since the beginning of April, and I am not a fan.  I am sure she's lovely person in the grand scheme of things, and God loves her, so she can't be all bad, right?  I just know she's not good for him.  The seem forced and fake and awkward and everyone feels uncomfortable around them when they're together.  It's not good.

The odd thing is, he hides that he talks to me from her.  I didn't realize this until recently.  For a long time, our super close friendship was highly public knowledge, even after they started dating, but then things shifted.  She sent me a weird email telling me that my relationship with her boyfriend made her uncomfortable and, without saying it directly, to back the hell off.  She sent me a friend request on Facebook at the same time.  I ignored both because I was afraid I would say something mean.  I don't want to fight with this girl.  Not really.  I just want to continue being a friend the way I have been all along.

After that our relationship cut off for awhile.  I told him I'd be here when he wanted me, but that I didn't want tangled up in this mess because I knew his new girlfriend didn't like me.  It lasted about a month...and then I couldn't take it any longer.  I missed him.  He had been (and is still) the one person I feel the need to talk to EVERY day.

Now we talk on a daily basis, but his end is kinda sporadic.  A few weeks ago, I realized that he was texting me whenever she wasn't with him.  Is it bad that I find this hilarious?  We don't do anything creepy or inappropriate or super weird.   We just talk about life.

Tonight I find out that not only does he really only text me when she's not around, but that he put auto delete on his texting.  Yeah...

Seriously, am I the "Other Woman" now?  This is so unreal.

Hopeless or Romantic?

Favorite things of this moment (9:09 pm EST):

• "The Princess & the Frog" on Netflix (I love Netflix...really, they make being home alone all weekend easier to deal with)
• Having the iPod back so that I can text
• Serena and Buddy, 2 of the cutest little dogs in the world

Tonight I am sitting on our new couch (compliments of Marcus Brown and his folks from what I was told) pondering. I'm listening for a weird guitar riff and the sound of a bicycle...I'm not sure which one makes me happier at the moment. Sometimes you really don't realize how much you miss people, you know?

I want to get married in the sunshine. I have no idea what that will entail or what or where or when, but it would be fairly awesome. Glowing and beautiful. Good golden sunlight makes everything and everyone beautiful. It would be perfect.

And yes, I know that statement was random, but I was just thinking about it.

I was telling friends not too long ago that I'd never really planned out my wedding. I know many girls do. They plan the dress, the location, the flowers, everything...but I never did. There are a lot of things I think would be cool, but I've never really thought to myself: this is what I want. There are no guarantees. I wish, so badly, that there were some guarantees. That I could say it was worth making some kind of plans for this kind of thing, but I don't feel there are.

It feels ironic for me to say that.

I am some sort of weird hopeless romantic, but until the right guy puts a ring on my finger, it won't really matter.