Twinkle On

There will never be too many twinkle lights

If I could wrap them

around my heart

& through my veins

I would

Something in the glitter & glow

breaks through these bleak December greys

& pulls me toward

the Light of the World

who shines through

this season &

breaks through the darkness & shadows

of a dying year

& helps alight the new

So twinkle on little lights

bring the hope & joy of the Christ child's birth

good will to men

& peace on earth

Be the Good

Tonight finds me dancing along to The Bravery's "Ours," and fighting the urge to open and drink a whole bottle of Moscato by myself.

Does anyone else constantly what to scream when they watch the news because it never seems like there are good things?  Sex scandals, abuse, murder, shootings, robberies, kidnappings, disappearances, war, death, rape, and natural disaster.

More than anything, we need Christmas.  We need the hope and light and joy of the Advent.  A reminder that 2000 years ago God sent us hope in the form of a little baby boy that would change everything.  He came to bring us light, forgiveness, love, peace, and joy.

Jesus.

What a truly beautiful name.  A name that means that someday this will all be over.  There won't be anymore of this terror or horror or pain.  You won't wake up to find that your best friend is dead, people you love are having kidneys fail, someone's house has burnt down, your car is broken again, your family is broke, you've lost your job, you're sick with a disease that may kill you, or that children have been abused and no one stood up for them.  No, none of that will happen ever again.

Instead you'll be standing hand in hand with the people you love smiling out into eternity.

May it come soon.

I realize this may seem early, but I'm wishing you a Merry Christmas tonight.  If your day, week, etc. has been anything like mine, I think you deserve a little Christmas early.

So let's make it feel like Christmas tonight and from this moment onward.  Let's find a way to do something good for someone else tonight, tomorrow and each day.  Let's make sure that everyone has a bit more good.  We all need more hope and good news.

Be the good.

Breath In & Breath Out

Favorite things of this very moment (4:08 pm CST):

• Sun tea in the (new) fabulous Dasani water bottle (sadly, it is also a recycle #1...argh!)
• Water proofing
• Having time to change out of soaked through clothes before I had to come to work
• Rain
• "Ugly Flower for a Beautiful Friend" mix (Gratzi Nikky!)
• Chocolate, REAL cherries, coconut
• Being completely done with my Access database project (and I was even done early and became the guru for those people who were struggling to finish...what gives)
• David's willingness to leave his laptop with me so that I could finish my project (even though that actually didn't work out)
• Edna St. Vincent Millay's beautiful poetry
• Dave Eggers in any form (such a witty man and a brilliant writer)
• The Tick vs. Season 2
• Knowing that there is a stack of wonderful books waiting for me at home
• Soft Kleenexes
• Giving myself a bit of a break after completing the first of several final projects due over the course of the next 2 weeks
• The knowledge that the end of the semester is actually in sight
• Sidewalk chalk
• The memory of Hulk Hogan the Peep ("His nipples weren't right...")

Today is one of those days were I feel accomplished even though I know that there's still so much left to do. I've decided that Access is a cruel program, but I am now capable of handling it if necessary, so I guess it's alright.

The downside is that the Access project was one of 3 major projects I am currently working on, but at least it is now out of the way and I have till Tuesday to work on my Small Business Plan and to get a rough draft of my American Lit 2 papers... I will prevail!

Last night at Youth Group, Gail decided, in light of last weeks tragedy in Sarah's death, that we should talk to the kids about salvation. Terrence and I both told her we thought it was a good idea. Several of the kids are actually very interested in getting baptized, apparently they just weren't sure what else was involved or how to voice that to anyone. I am excited. By the end of this summer, we may have 3 more little siblings in Christ. Sometimes those warm spring evenings when you convince everyone they should sit outside to further enjoy the moment...those times really surprise you and God works in really amazing ways.

We talked about how believing in God and that He sent Jesus to die on the cross for our sins in the first step in becoming a believer (or however you want to say that). If we choose to wholeheartedly follow Christ's example and believe in God's plan...we will be saved. Terrence made a good point last night, he said that once you start, as long as you keep moving forward, the rest of it will start to fall in place. We did make it very clear to the kids that no one is ever going to be perfect and that everyone messes up, but that the beauty of it is, if we get up, repent, and truly try to continue to grow and change, we will be forgiven because God is love. It is a beautiful thing.

The amazing thing is that this entire lesson that was for our kids...it touched my heart too. Sometimes I worry that I've become a bit too calloused for my own good (in fact I know I am at times), but it still touched my heart. Sometimes I try to take too much advantage of God's love for me. Instead of trying to make God happy, I make myself "happy" realizing that I am screwing up, and then the remorse and repentance that I later profess...sometimes they aren't as real as they should be. I am so glad that God is gracious and forgiving and so completely patient with me because I so often find myself still screwing the same things up.

Let me just be honest for a moment...

These are my most struggled with sins (the ones that I find myself stuck in right now):

• Eating too much and/or what's bad for me
• Gossiping when I should be building others up
• A thought life I am always proud of (this covers so many things...*sigh*)
• Trusting more in my own provision than in God's strength (and this causes me to fail more than anything else)

It's time to get back down on my knees and start praying for the strength and grace to change.

And I will leave you with the following:

"My first business is to so live that at least a few will thank
God that I lived when my little day is done."

-Alfred A. Montapert