I don't think there's anything worse than feeling helpless and hopeless.

Today I feel helpless. I'm watching someone I care deeply for hurt, and I'm just not sure what can be done to change that. I really wish, on a number of levels, that I could turn time back a little and see what might have been.

Although, I guess it's the "might have been's" and the "what if's" that are really the problem at the moment.

And I wonder, when will things change. People always say things will change when you least expect it. The thing is, that seems to make you sit and wait even more. Instead of causing you to walk away, that kind of statement just makes you hold on to that wish even harder, but this time you close your eyes.

Closing your eyes doesn't actually change anything. If just makes everything dark.

I'm going to just keep my eyes open. I'm going to watch for change because walking away doesn't seem to work. And I'm going to pretend those cliches aren't well known for real reasons.

Let's pretend the world is fresh and new and that everything really is as possible as you think it is when you're a kid.

Maybe that's what it takes to change.

Maybe.

I found a tiny cross
Just the other night
At the bottom of a bag
That had yet to see the light

I clutched it to me tightly
And I laughed with pain and glee
I’d forgotten just how much
That tiny cross had meant to me

I remember the day you found it
I remember your delight
It was when your eyes still shown
With some beautiful semblance of light

Combing through row and rows
Tiny beads, bones and bows

Then at last you’d found the one
That tiny missing piece
You couldn’t believe your luck
Your soul had found release

It was just a tiny cross
In the middle of the jumble
But the way you smiled crooked
My heart couldn’t help but tumble

Because at that very moment
In the middle of our life
I knew I could spend the rest happily
If I could be your wife

With so much care and joy
For such a tiny cross
I just knew your faith in God above
Would never be a loss

That’s why finding this meant so much
This cross and I find ourselves
A common place:
Upon the unlooked at shelves

Of a heart
Once thought so true
I should have recognized
The faithless heart in you

I'm Tired

I'm tired of being lonely.
I'm tired of being afraid.
I'm tired of being the guy everybody talks to;
The guy that people want to talk to and work with
And hang with.
I thought it was cause they liked me.
Turns out I was wrong.
They talk to me cause they know I'll listen,
And I'll be there to shelve out advice.
They work with me
Cause they know I'm on track and I'll get the job done.
They hand with me
Cause they're bored
And they know I'll be there when nobody else will.
I'm tired of being the nice guy
Everybody shits on.
I'm tired of being the friend
Who's never more than a friend.
I'm tired of seeing what I want
Walk out the door and I sit there helpless.
Now I have to live with the fact that she's going
Away to live her life and I can't do shit about it.
I'm tired of all this crap.
I wanna go to sleep.

-Jacob Zuniga