The Covenant

Back in July of last year, I went to FUEL. For anyone who doesn't know, this is the national youth gathering every year for the Church of God of the Abrahamic Faith. This past year, I took a class called "Overcoming the Darkness" which was taught by an amazing couple from Kokomo, IN named Dale & Julie Bliss. Dale is the pastor at the church their in Kokomo, and Julie is deeply involved with the ministry.

These two never beat around the bush.

This particular class was about addictions and overcoming addictive behaviors. It was all about owning up to what is going on in your life, facing those demons, and learning how to overcome them. At the beginning of the week, Dale gave us a sheet of paper outlining a covenant. He told us to seriously consider what the paper said, and then, if we felt we were truly committed to this change in our lives, that we should sign it. He also said we should only do this after a serious amount of consideration and prayer.

Do you know what a covenant truly is? It isn't a contract. Contracts are made so that there is an out clause. A way to escape the promise you've made, contracts are not necessarily permanent. Covenants are different. In biblical times, if you entered into a covenant, you entered into it with your life as forfeit. Covenants were made in blood. They were permanent. Death was the only out to a covenant. That's why marriages are supposed to be covenant relationships. (That's why part of the marriage ceremony includes the words "till death do us part.")

The following is the Covenant that Dale gave us to consider:

The Overcomer's Covenant in Christ

I place all my trust and confidence in the Lord and I put no confidence in the flesh.

I know that I cannot save myself, nor set myself free. God has provided a way of escape.

I consciously and deliberately choose to submit to God and resist the devil.

I choose to humble myself before the mighty hand of God that He may exalt me at the proper time.

I declare the truth that I am dead to sin, freed from it and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

I gladly embrace the truth that I am now a child of God--unconditionally loved and accepted.

I reject the lies of the enemy and seek the truth that has the power to set me free.

I declare that sin shall no longer be master over me; and there is no more guilt or condemnation.

I renounce every unrighteous cry of my body.

I declare that I am no longer conformed to this world; I am transformed by the renewing of my mind.

I commit myself to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.

I commit myself to God's great goal for my life to conform to His image in Christ Jesus.

I know that I will face many trials, but God has given me the victory.

I am not a victim--I am an overcomer in Christ.

I, Jaymin Louise (not Louise) Cheatwood, signed this covenant on July 31, 2008. Tonight I am recommitting to it's words and meaning. Fully. I am not perfect, and I will screw up, but I am going to do my best to live up to the words of this covenant. Not contract, covenant. This is binding. This is permanent. This is in blood. Please help me with this. Please pray that I will make the best decisions, not just the ones I feel are easy. I want to live up to this.

Beyond this, today has been wonderful. The weather was gorgeous, and it found me walking to the grocery store first thing this morning to get myself some caffeine. I got my homework done, did Pilate's, got some laundry and chores taken care of, and I worked on some reading and letters I've been meaning to do. I even got to talk to Nikky and draw with the sidewalk chalk she gave me when she was here visiting. All I can do is ask for more days like today. Days where I get up with the right attitude, and do my best to behave and stand by my promises.

I can do this, but it's going to be rough.

As I'm doing this, the next question is this: What can I do for you? Can I help you somehow? How can I encourage you?

Lastly tonight, I've been forgetting the most important part of my posts a lot lately: the favorite's list, so let's make up for that, eh?

My Favorite Things of This Very Moment (10:01 pm CST):

• Sidewalk chalk (Thank you, Nikky!)
• Good memories
• Being able to walk around outside without my shoes
• A&W Cream Soda
• Sunshine
• A working vehicle
• Being able to type this entire post while sitting in the comfort of my burnt orange overstuffed arm chair in my bedroom from the new laptop (woohoo! Nik, this thing is fantastical...honestly, wireless being picked up in my bedroom? Who doesn't love that?)
• David Crowder
• Borrowed books

Good night, my friends. I hope you have a fantastic night and that you find all the strength and joy you need to face tomorrow and live it to the very best, I mean, it's a Friday, what's lovelier than that?

Death, True Love, Chases, Escapes, Miracles

Favorite things of this very moment (11:35 am):

• The following quote: "Never knock on Death's door: ring the bell and run away! Death really hates that!" -Matt Frewer
  The that cut on my right index finger from the saw blade is healing nicely
• That Megan Ziegler is going to pull through all right
• That Wendy Thomas (Lacey and I's cousin), her boyfriend, Michael, and Michael's older brother all survived (without injury no less) crashing into a rock wall at 60 mph last night...
• My Fiji water bottle
• My blue Bitten thermal shirt
• Knowing what I am going to wear to Kyle and Angie's wedding
• New razor blades
• Feeling like I actually have a handle on my presentation for tomorrow
• Knowing that I have the money for my first tuition payment in the bank and I didn't have to borrow anything from anyone
• That God provides, even in the littlest things
• Crazy dreams and my mother's commentary

I'm glad I've gotten use to not eating lunch because I completely forgot to pack anything for today, and I have absolutely no money to pay for anything even if I did want to eat. Having The Cheese Shop next door can be a really miserable thing at times.

Yesterday I realized I'm losing weight because even with pj pants on under my jeans, my jeans were still falling down. I can tolerate the embarrassment of having my pants falling down (constantly) in front of 4 attractive men as long as there is a good reason for it. Yeah some weight loss!

By the way, the cut on my finger isn't real bad. It still hurts a little bit, and bled quite a bit when it happened, but it's not a big deal. I was just moving the saw to hang them up and caught the tip of my finger on one of the blades. Lovely, but it's healing just fine. I may have a weird little "x" shaped scar on my finger tip though depending on how it decides to heal.

And speaking of weird things that happened at work, I set my coat on fire on Saturday. Chris Ditto was in the hut eating his lunch while I was trying to get change, and I made the mistake of standing too close to Mr. Heater who apparently felt it was important to really warm me up. My coat strings caught on fire. The guy I was getting change for is suddenly says, "Your coat is on fire," and I, in all my brilliance, say, "What?" He says, "YOUR COAT IS ON FIRE." I look down and sure enough, I'm on fire. And what do you think I say in this extremely interesting moment? "Oh." I shake the coat out and it goes out. I hand the guy change. Chris didn't even react. It was amazing. And somehow I was completely unscathed and unshaken. God definitely does look out for me.

On a much sadder note, Malorie Ziegler died on Saturday. Megan, her older sister (who is a friend of Kayla, Jeff, and I's), was driving and they hit some ice or something and ended up in the other lane. They were t-boned. Malorie died on impact which is, sadly, probably for the best. Megan is currently in stable condition, but she is unaware of Malorie's death because at this point they have to keep her heavily sedated. They can't move her without her heart-rate rocketing, so they're just trying to keep her stable and let her heal before they do anything more. The good news is that the doctor's are optimistic about her recovery. They think she'll be able to heal completely and walk normally in the end. The bad thing is, even though it was an accident due to bad weather, Megan is probably going to feel guilty about this for a long time. The worst part this about this for me is watching Joel. Malorie was one of his best friends. The other night after we found out, he turned to me and said, "Jaymin, now I know exactly how you felt when Zuni died." My heart broke. Thirteen-year-old's should not have to face the death of someone that close to them. Especially another 13-year-old. It's not right. At all.

In times like this, all you can do is pray, and pray a lot. I figure I'll just do a lot of listening, make sure I give a lot of hugs, make sure the boys all know that they're important to me, and do all I can to keep them safe. And I'll pray.

But let's end this on a positive note, so I'll tell you 2 more stories:

God does answer prayer. I've been in a panic the past several days trying to figure out how I was going to set up a payment plan for classes and where this money would be coming from. I got online the other night and spent several hours filling out scholarship application stuff, trying to find my pin number for FAFSA, checking on odds and ends with financial aid, and finally trying to set up a payment plan. It was a miracle, I get into set up my payment plan and find out that I'll only owe the college $349 for my classes next semester. I didn't realize that I only had to fill out FAFSA once a year, so I had some money coming to me. It paid for my tuition except this remaining $349 and my books!

This was great, except that the first payment was due on Tuesday, and I thought I had to pay my speeding ticket Monday. Come to find out I had been reading the ticket wrong. I can't send in the ticket until this next week. I don't understand why it works this way, but it does, and that's fine with me. So that's alright, I don't have to pay the speeding ticket yet, but there's one more problem. I am short $2.13 for my first payment. Literally just $2.13. I suck it up and talk to my dad. Tell him that pathetically enough, I am short $2.13, kicking myself silently for buying a pair of Pomegranate Rock Stars to keep myself conscious while I worked out at Sinnissippi over the weekend on Friday night. Dad says it's not a big deal, he'll transfer a couple of bucks and I'll be just fine. I can pay him back when I get paid on Wednesday. So we're alright, I'm fine. I'm totally drained of all money at all and am still uncertain of where any money will be coming for the next several weeks, but at least this payment is taken care of.

Then, miracle of miracles, yesterday morning at Sinnissippi, a woman hands me a five bill as a tip. I thanked her and stared at it for a long time. I suddenly realized God had just provided me with the money I needed to cover the rest of my tuition bill. But it didn't stop there. The last family of the night came out just before we were closing, and the guys were really helpful to them. We stayed out in the field an extra 20 minutes just to make sure they got there trees and were all set. The last guy that paid handed me $10 and told me to make sure that the guys and I all went and got ourselves something warm to drink. Everyone kept thanking us for staying and telling us how sweet we were to do that. This means I got $7 in tips which completely covers the rest of my bill. I sent that and 3 dollars in change that I found in my car, my purse, and on my dresser. God provided, yet again. I didn't even realize I had any change, let alone that much. One less thing to worry about, thank you, God. :)

One last night, last night I had this crazy dream. This morning Mom was sitting with David and I while we ate breakfast before going to work, and I started telling them about this dream. I said a guy had planted a bomb at this college, and I had a guy friend there who I was trying to find so I could get him to leave with me.

Mom immediately asks, "What did your friend look like?"
I look at her strangely and ask in a real guarded way, "Why?"
She says, "Well I use to dream about your father, long before I met him."
I said, "Mom, I've always had dreams with guys with dark hair, but this guy was blond."
Mom continues, completely unphased by my saying this, "I use to dream about a guy with dark hair and blue eyes. I told of friend of mine that I was going to marry a guy with dark hair and blue eyes, and she thought I was crazy. That was before I'd ever seen your father, before I left to go to OBC."
All I can do is say, "Mom, I don't know who this guy was, but I know it wasn't Jay because he was a shorter guy." In fact, the guy in my dream looked vaguely like the blond guy Rory dated on Gilmore Girls whose name I cannot, for the life of me remember, the rich one. I can't remember the dream guys face though. I know I saw it. Often, actually, throughout the entire dream, but I can't see it in my head. All I can see is his outline and his hair (which, incidentally, I love).
"Jaymin, Aaron has kinda blond hair."
"Mom, isn't Aaron married?"
"I don't know for sure, but you've been at work with him the past couple of day, are you sure it wasn't Aaron?"
"No, I'm pretty sure, after spending all that time with him, that I'd recognize Aaron even in a dream." I thought about it for a moment, "It definitely wasn't Aaron. I don't know if I've ever seen this guy before. I can remember him except I can't remember his face."

I went on to tell them about my 2nd dream too. My mysterious blond friend was in that one too.

Mom just made sure to state again that she dreamed of dad on more than one occasion before meeting him and then, eventually, realizing he'd been the man in all those dreams. Mom's never suggested that this could happen to me, but I always thought those dreams of a guy with dark hair and eyes was the one for me...maybe not. Maybe Mom's on to something. Her dreams didn't start until just a little while before she met dad. *shrugs* Who knows.

Life is so strange. And on that note...I leave you.

My Grown-Up Christmas List

Favorite things of this very moment (4:07 pm):

• The fact that I work at a job where I can play on the computer and no one thinks that's weird or bad
• My Fiji water bottle
• Not having to carry a book bag around today
• Not having school today :)
• Finding a present for Forrest
• Sales at World Market (Blood Orange and Pomegranate juices...I'm in heaven)
• Tape measures
• Quench hand lotion
• Finding James Taylor's Christmas CD on sale (Don't laugh, he has a very soothing voice)

I realize it may be a little early (technically) to start talking about Christmas, but as I've already mentioned in my favorites list that I bought the first of the Christmas gifts I intend to purchase, I feel I can skip the typical wait till after Thanksgiving protocol. That being said, I'd like to discuss my Christmas list for this year (both the real and the insane, the possible and the dreams):

1. Instant weight loss. I would like to lose all the excess weight I have accumulated over the years. I don't know if losing weight can technically be a gift as it is the absence of something, but it would be a gift I would like to give myself. In a magical world I could wish for it to all be gone and for me to be the perfect shaped woman I've always dreamed I'd be, but I know this is reality. Christmas will not see this goal accomplished, but it will have seen the beginnings of change.
2. Incubus' Alive at Red Rocks DVD. (Hopefully I'll convince David that he can get me this)
3. Truth serum. I am not kidding. There are so many people I would like to have, just for a little while be completely honest with me. (Ex: Jeff, Jay, David) I think it would be interesting to give myself a little as well and fill out some of those surveys I always have around because I'm sure there are some things that I don't even realize or admit to myself.
4. The Holiday soundtrack. Yep.
5. A life plan. To know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I want to figure this out so that I can actually plan to do something and accomplish it for once. I don't like the fact that I'm overly analytical and second guess myself constantly
6. A new journal. My old one is almost at an end.
7. A pass which would allow me to fly wherever I wanted whenever I wanted and take whoever I wanted with me for free. I would be in Ohio constantly. I'd take Saturday classes at ABC. I'd fly all over the world: Greece, Italy, England, Tahiti ("I'd go the whole wide world/I'd go the whole wide world just to find her/I'd go the whole wide world to find out where they'd hide her"), and Hawaii. I'd visit all those spots people always say you should visit, but you never have the money to because you can't afford the plane tickets.
8. A puppy. Having a puppy would force me to be more active and walk at least a couple of times a day, even if it was cold. Wonderful exercise, new friend.
9. A Philadelphia Story on DVD. It's still one of my favorite movies, and I still have managed not to buy it.
10. To fall madly in love. But what's more, I'd like that person to fall madly in love with me to. This person has to be male, believe as I do, want children (even if that means we have to adopt them), read...a lot, intelligent, be musical in some manner (singing, playing an instrument, whatever), gets along with my family AND my friends, and have an amazing sense of humor.
11. UHF on DVD. I don't have it and it drives me crazy because Forrest and Joel haven't seen it and when I say things like "Badgers, Badgers, we don't need no stinking badgers!" Or "Turtles are Nature's suction cup. Watch!"...they have no idea what I'm talking about and just think I'm crazy (which is not entirely untrue).
12. My very own sweet party house. With root beer kegs and Nikky as a roommate (this is a MUST). I don't know what more to say about that except that it would be just about the coolest thing in the entire world not to mention very conducive to creativity, insanity, and lots of laughter and pointlessness.

I think that's plenty enough to think about for now though it is no where near the full extent of my Christmas list. Enjoy. And hey, Merry Christmas. Even if that is a month and a half early at this point. :)