Snippets of Conversations (Other Peoples' Words)

"You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope." - Jane Austen, Persuasion

"You guys are way too pretty to not have boyfriends!" - Katie, age 9, to Amy Cunningham and I at MN Camp

"I'll do your hair for your dates when we're at ABC," said Shelby Upton as she was doing my hair for Miiitch and Kimmie's wedding...

And when I gave her a funny look and said with a sigh, "Yes..."

Replied with, "Oh, you will have dates...as soon as Sam gets a brain. You will have dates."

“How do you tell a person that they’re magical,
That there are no favorites—that you love them as a whole?”
-Jacob Zuniga, “I Should’ve Stayed Home and Done my Calc”

J.D.: [narration] There are a few things I've always believed in. Flowers are good for any occasion. And nothing is more important than making time for an old friend, especially if the old girl has seen better days. Because even if it breaks your heart to be "just friends," if you really care about someone, you'll take the hit.
-Zach Braff, “Scrubs”

“My pride shut me up, my hurt shut down, and together they ganged up on my hope and let her get away.”
-Nick in Rachel Cohn & David Levithan’s Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist

Tribute to Jay Laurent, an Epic Best Friend

“Let’s start with this statistic: You are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I know you get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love so badly that it physically hurts. But I truly believe that the only way you can find out that there’s something better out there is to first believe there’s something better out there. I’ll believe it for you until you’re ready.”
-Greg Behrendt, He’s Just Not That Into You

I love running across quotes that bring me joy. It actually leads me to what I really want to talk about: Jay "Freakin'-Awesome-Best-Friend" Laurent.

Last night, Jay took me to dinner at Alfano's to celebrate my birthday. Item 1: my birthday was in May, but when Jay says he's going to do something like, for instance, take you to dinner to celebrate your birthday, he'll make that happen, even if it's about a month after your birthday. He sticks to his word.

While at dinner, we got into a discussion about people we've dated and relationships in general because of what we're seeing people around us go through. I told him that I frequently wonder if I'll make the same painful mistakes because I feel that I tend to learn the hard way. This freaks me out at times because I don't want to go through the kind of pain and rejection I've gone through before and I sometimes feel I pick idiots to get myself involved in (not you, Ben, if you ever read this...you were all around awesome, I'm talking more of the guys that I get semi-involved in that decide they don't ever want to date me they just want to string me along because they feel they can). Jay told me I am far too hard on myself and that I can't live with a fear of past issues. Besides, those people didn't feel like mistakes at the time, they were people I really cared about and one that I truly loved. It just didn't work out. Item 2: he reminds me that I'm good and that things will work out eventually, even if they don't feel like it from time to time.

Then we watched "Charade" because it's one of my favorite old movies and because he'd never seen it, and he got me a lot of Mt. Dew and a large glass of water while we watched that and then a bunch of comedy stuff on NetFlix (Demetri Martin, Better Off Ted, The IT Crowd...all of which you should probably check out if you haven't before...hilarious stuff). Item 3: gets me caffeine and lets me have my way when I probably don't deserve it (such a lovely best friend type creature).

When I left to come home at roughly midnight:30 (yes, people do say that, somewhere...I think), Jay walked me out to my car because it was dark and late even though he really didn't need to. Item 4: likes to protect me and make me feel safe, even when I would never admit (most of the time) that this makes me feel much better.

In short, Jay is my own personal Greg Behrendt. A friend who reminds me that I'm awesome and am allowed to feel miserable from time to time, but that it will all work out in the end. I hope all of you have people like that in my life.

ps. If I ever get blessed with sons (Please, God), I hope at least one of them is a lot like Jay. Maybe I'll name him Laurent. haha.

Poetry fills my head,
but won't make it to the page

Dark nights, quiet stars
I wonder where I am

My longing is raging but silent
Not even the stars will know

And the change I want
is the change I need

Can I make it so?

Hidden Talents

I am unaware of your hidden talents. You are probably unaware of mine, so let's start talking.

I am good at writing names on pies using additional pastry, a Creator of nicknames, an excellent player of both ERS and the Room Service Game, an accomplished maker of friendship bracelets, my knees bend backwards, my paper snowflakes are a thing of wonder, my crocheting skills are a marvel. I am amazing at coming up with trashy romance novel titles and someday will probably have to write one. I am a great mix cd and pie maker, letter writer, namer of things that needs to be named, wedding box accomplice/maker, encourager, instigator of good things, a quick reader, mender and hemmer, proof reader, poet, crazy fast typist, seeker, and keeper of quotes. I am a bit of a DJ, an amateur photographer and water color painter, writer of short stories, blogger (obviously), good back rub giver, finder of recipes, pillow maker, list maker , pharmacy technician, camp counselor, Sunday School teacher, actress, storyteller, gardener, namer of people in movies/TV that are also in something else that no one else can remember, advice giver, honest person, and baker.

Yes, there is more, but I'll let you get back to your own secret, special, brilliant lives.

For a Moment

Imagine for a moment that you have a deep knife wound or cut. It's not fatal, but it's very painful. It's been stitched up and it's healing slowly.

Imagine now that about the time it starts really healing that someone walks up and, without warning, rips the stitches out in one clean motion.

That...that's exactly what this is like.

Every time my heart begins to feel like the ache is slowly healing and easing away, like I'll get over you...that it won't break my heart that you're dating someone who cannot possibly want anything good or be after your good...

The stitches get ripped out again.

Heal me or leave me, baby. I'm tired of this wound and I'm tried of not being able to heal. And I hate having dreams that make me restless and more tired in the morning than I was when I finally got to sleep.

Take me and heal me or simply leave me. Get out of my dreams and thoughts and all of it. Or come and claim me completely.

The in between can't be healthy.

Save me or set me free.

Whatever the case, stop pulling my stitches out and leaving me open...

Good, Good Life

I am so terribly, incredibly, amazingly lucky. God blesses me in such lovely ways.

For instance, I am currently possessing directions for my travels tomorrow along with some tasty snacks (including blue gummi sharks...I swear, it's such a small thing, but God knows my heart...it's all about the little things), and I have a good grasp on my lessons for the week. I may not be the world's best teacher, but I'm going to give it my best shot and hopefully the kids will get good things out of it and be blessed despite my failings. In my weakness God is stronger, and I'm going to do a lot relying on Him to show me how to present what I need to present to the kids this week.

I am also blessed because I have parents who are willing to help me out when I realize I've done a terrible job scheduling myself. My parents are consistently amazing and helpful. They have never failed to come through for me when I really did need the help. God blesses me every day through them.

Tomorrow should be exciting too. I mean, I've got a whole day of getting to know Amy. Hopefully she'll still be excited to be around me after tomorrow. haha. It will be a good day. And this week will be full of surprises and new friends I am sure. I can't wait to take a crazy large number of pictures.

The Thanksgiving Summer

Early this week my brother David called me and asked me to come to dinner. He said he and Kelsey were going to have my favorite high school teacher to dinner that night as well. The theme would be "Summer Thanksgiving." I, of course, agreed.

I was driving down to their apartment Thursday afternoon and I was pondering the idea of "Summer Thanksgiving." I knew he meant that they were doing a meal that would incorporate some traditional Thanksgiving foods in very non-traditional ways, but I decided to flip-flop this theme. Thus was born my brain's conception of the Thanksgiving Summer.

This concept actually has been floating through my head in it's own little sailboat ever since the car ride Thursday afternoon. I've decided to embrace it. I am constantly trying to find more ways/people/places/ideas to help me see good and be more grateful/thankful, and as a result, I've decided that this is going to be my Thanksgiving Summer.

The Thanksgiving Summer is going to mean I will be doing more to find the joy and wonder in each and every day and show a true appreciation for it.

A couple of amazing things to start off this season of Thanksgiving: I am thankful for my brother David and his lovely girlfriend Kelsey. I had such a blast having dinner with them on Thursday night, and getting to hang out with Mr. J. V. Young after all these years was an experience all to itself. David and Kelsey made some really delicious turkey burgers and banana/sweet potato balls that I plan to duplicate come the fall for my roommates. Getting a chance to talk to Kelsey, David, and Mr. Young was hilarious and wonderful. I also finally found a wine I like. Berringer's White Zinfandel. (Did I even come close to spelling that right?) It was really delicious and worked really well with dinner. There is nothing stranger than realizing you've helped consume 3 bottles of white wine over a dinner party that consists of the oldest of your 3 little brothers, his girlfriend, and a high school teacher you haven't seen or spoken to in years. I am thankful for that crazy evening and the idea of "Summer Thanksgiving" which led to this little idea. I am thankful.

I have a new job. I am extremely grateful for this. I am back to work at the pharmacy I worked for last summer, but now I am just working on cleaning up some book keeping issues they had with the computer system. Hopefully I'll be able to get a lot of that cleaned up for them before I head back to school in August. I'm just excited that they wanted me to come back and offered me this job. It's full-time, and I like it a lot. I am thankful.

Next amazing thing, I head to MN for Junior Camp on Sunday with the lovely Amy Cunningham. I am teaching a class all week, and I think Amy is speaking one of the nights. Because I am lacking a calendar to keep my schedule together, I didn't realize until about 9pm that I am supposed to be leaving for MN on Sunday morning. Yes...and I still hadn't looked over my class material. Thankfully I've been able to get quite a bit of that together in the few hours since and I also put together a basic plan of action. I am thinking I should be alright. I am grateful for the opportunity to go to the camp, and I am glad that my work is so willing to work with my hectic summer schedule. I am also thankful for the experience of the drive up to MN and back with Amy. I don't know her super well, but the more I get to know about her, the more amazing I realize she really is. I am genuinely looking forward to that road trip with her. I am also looking forward to meeting some new people at MN camp. I'll only know a few people at the camp besides Amy, and I don't know any of them super well. One of them is Jack, and I am looking forward to getting to know him a bit better because he's moving down to McDonough to attend ABC in the fall. It will be great to get to know him a bit better before he comes down. I am thankful for this opportunity.

I am also thankful for Jennie Lee Montgomery, Cayce Ballard, Jordan Bemister, Allison & Heather Jones. I received a video today that proved that I really do have a fan club in SC & GA as well. These lovely girls cheered me on. They reminded me that I am very much loved and missed in the south. Nice to know that when I get back in August I'll have people who very much want me there. I miss them all so much. For this I am thankful.

Mostly though, I am thankful to be home for the summer and for being given the crazy opportunities to travel and help that I am. MN Camp, FUEL, Nikky's wedding in August...life is incredibly insane, but I am loving every moment of this glorious Thanksgiving Summer. I hope you do too.

What are you thankful for?