Hidden Talents

I am unaware of your hidden talents. You are probably unaware of mine, so let's start talking.

I am good at writing names on pies using additional pastry, a Creator of nicknames, an excellent player of both ERS and the Room Service Game, an accomplished maker of friendship bracelets, my knees bend backwards, my paper snowflakes are a thing of wonder, my crocheting skills are a marvel. I am amazing at coming up with trashy romance novel titles and someday will probably have to write one. I am a great mix cd and pie maker, letter writer, namer of things that needs to be named, wedding box accomplice/maker, encourager, instigator of good things, a quick reader, mender and hemmer, proof reader, poet, crazy fast typist, seeker, and keeper of quotes. I am a bit of a DJ, an amateur photographer and water color painter, writer of short stories, blogger (obviously), good back rub giver, finder of recipes, pillow maker, list maker , pharmacy technician, camp counselor, Sunday School teacher, actress, storyteller, gardener, namer of people in movies/TV that are also in something else that no one else can remember, advice giver, honest person, and baker.

Yes, there is more, but I'll let you get back to your own secret, special, brilliant lives.

Sam

This picture is a picture of my friend Sam. He probably doesn't know it, but he's a key part of my life. I'm fairly certain he took this picture of himself a while back, and it's a pretty sweet picture. Does it look professionally done to you? It really does me. He's rather amazing.

Let me tell you a little about this guy: he's magical. Maybe he doesn't know that, but he's something special. He's funny and passionate, and, for me, he's super easy to talk to. He's great to have weird late night conversations with, and I never feel too strange or like I'm putting myself too far out on the line when we talk. His faith in God is strong, and his passion is admirable. He's a loyal guy. His loyalty is one of his greatest qualities. I admire him for it. To be perfectly honest, I admire him for all of these things.

And he's talented. Very. He plays guitar and drums. I'm fairly certain he can play other instruments as well though I'm not sure what they are. Whether he realizes it or not, he has a great singing voice which I think people should get to hear just a little more often. He also does beautiful paintings. One of these days, I'd love to have one of those beautiful pictures up on my walls. Sam is also a photographer. I've been looking at a lot of his work recently, and I'm amazed. He has an eye for detail and beauty. It's amazing. He's amazing.

I guess I'm just pointing out that Sam is gifted. He is blessed. I am excited for him and his future, and I really hope he understands this. He's amazing, and I'm glad he's become a part of my life.

There's Always Something to be Thankful For

Today, instead of doing my "Favorite things of this very moment" list, I'm just going to tell you what I'm thankful for. It won't include everything that I'm thankful for because that list would never end, but I'd like to tell you some of them.

So, with the spirit of thanksgiving dancing in my blood, here's a list of things that I am thankful for:

• Nikky: because she's my very best friend, she makes life easier, she understands my ramblings, my whining, my confusion, and my hysteria. She makes me laugh, and she lets me cry. It's impossible to feel too ashamed or embarrassed when she's around, and I'm rarely if ever afraid to say whatever I feel or think. She understands. I'm glad she's been so gracious about all the issues of our attempts to move (it will happen, but only God knows when. Sooner than later), and she introduced me to good Silk soy milk, RiffTrax, Chai, and many good books, songs, stories, movies, poems, and pictures. She's the other half of my soul (in a completely heterosexual way, of course. *smiles*). I love her. I am thankful.
• My family: because they're as crazy as I am, and despite how wishy-washy I am all too often, they're fair more patient with me than I deserve. They love me in spite of myself. I know they'll be there for me no matter what, and I love each of them for that. They make me crazy, but they also make me laugh so hard I'm in tears, and I think they know I love them more than I can say. I am thankful.
• Kayla: because she's the sister I never had. She is one of the kindest people on earth, and I adore her for that. Her exceeding thoughtfulness, her laughter, smile, words of encouragement, and willingness to lend a hand will always make her something extra special. I love her very much. I am thankful.
• Ben: because he stuck with me through my darkest times, and never turned me away. Even when I was a brat, he still cared about me. He's always been there for me, and I truly hope that we are always able to be the great friends that we are. And because he read the Twilight series in exchange for my reading Harry Potter. Ha. :)
• Jay: because...he lets me be what I need to be. He doesn't question my sanity, even when I do, and he believes in me when I don't deserve it. He's shown me grace and respect even when I'm acting like a lunatic, and has called me one of his very best friends even when our relationship was strained and my heart was breaking. He's one of the most talented musicians I know, and the girl that gets him will be lucky beyond her wildest dreams. Because he believes I am courageous and true of heart and sees good in me that I struggle to see. Because he's a little in love with Edward himself, even though he's one of the straightest guys I've ever met. :) But mostly because he makes me laugh, allows me to be awkward, is incredibly beautiful, and is truly wonderful.
• Fresh blueberries: because, despite how trivial it sounds, they're fantastical, and because I'm currently eating a bunch of them in some vanilla yogurt (forcing myself to attempt to eat some kind of food in the morning can be interesting, but this is quite lovely).
• Financial Peace University: because the principles I learned while taking that course helped me to value saving money more than I ever have. I have money put aside, and this makes life much easier as I still haven't found a new job, and my lay-off date looms ever closer. Even in uncertainty, I have some hope because I have money saved up...it'll take me a little while to burn through it. And I'm not too worried just yet.
• Stovetop Savory Herb Stuffing: because my mom makes it every year at Thanksgiving, and it's delicious. Something out of a box isn't supposed to taste nearly that good. :)
• Warm clothes
• Chocolate chip cookies (or even better, chocolate chunk and butterscotch chip cookies, which I intend to make a big batch of within the next few days...mmm...)
• Korean pop songs: because they make me smile, I can understand half the words, and the music videos are full of insane dance moves (which I want to learn) and great subtitles.
• Warm showers: because there are few things in life more soothing or better able to warm you back up
• Good books: because they can transport you out of the mundane or frustrating parts of your day and make you feel a deep connection with the characters and the people around you. Plus they can really inspire you and give you hope or make you laugh...
• David having his own place: because I can see how excited, happy and proud he is to be able to support himself and have his own life. I'm proud of him for being so brave, and hope that he'll be blessed in all of this.
• My faith: because it keeps me going and gives me hope when I feel all is lost. God's going to take care of me, I just need to do what I can, all that I can, and leave everything else to Him.
• And Jordan: because he inspires me and makes me smile.

Like I said this is a very small portion of an ever-growing list, but I wanted to share. I hope you find many, many things to be thankful for both big and small.

Happy Thanksgiving, with all my love.

I am afraid.

"Our deepest fear is not that we're inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond all measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world."

-Marianne Williamson

Read the quote again.

Alright, now we can start.

I am afraid.

Marianne Williamson had an excellent point. That quote is one of my favorites. It's one my facebook profile, it's written on several notebooks I own so far, and I'm sure it will be on many more. The problem is, I don't live by those words.

Or rather, maybe I do, but not in the sense that I should. I am afraid.

God created each of us to be something unique and beautiful. We were to serve God and others using the wonderful gifts he has given us.

Why aren't we using them?

Let's stop generalizing. I like to use the word "we" and talk about our collective issues and problems, but in this case, let me break it down and bring it back to what I'm really trying to say: I.

I am having a problem. I want to live my life with all that I have, and I don't want to play small because like Marianne said so beautifully, it doesn't serve the world. I have often heard it said that the first step to conquering a problem is admitting you have one, so here I am. I am writing these words to you to let you know that I have a problem and it all comes down to these 3 words:

I am afraid.

I am afraid of failing in my attempts to use my talents. I am afraid that I will fall flat on my face. I am afraid people will look at my work, which is a mirror into my heart and my soul, and they will laugh at it or tell me that these gifts I have been given are not adequate, that I am not enough. I am afraid of the rejection. I am afraid to put my heart on the line or to risk changing aspects of my life because I have found a comfortable, sane, safe, average routine.

But mostly...I am afraid of me. What if I fail and it embarrasses the people I love most? What if the things I have to say shock people and they no longer want to care for me or it causes them to see me differently and they don't appreciate that?

Are you noticing a pattern? I am. A lot of "what if"s and a lot of fear of rejection.

That's why I'm trying to get this out in the open right now. Here. Today. I am afraid. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it, and that's okay. What's important is the fact that I need to take my talents, all those little things (and the big ones too) that God has given to me and I need to do all that I can with them.

I will write.

I will encourage.

I will speak up.

I will counsel.

And most importantly, I will show love in the little things. Every day I will work to show love.

Yes, I will fail, and hurt myself and screw up horribly and embarrass people from time to time (or frequently for all I know), but I will be moving forward. I will be trying to grow, and I will be trying to live the life God intended for me.

I will shine.

And that's what is truly important.

I hope you do the same.