(75) Not Finished Yet

There's not much of a map
for where I'm going
but I know I'll get there
God's got hig hands on this

It feels crazy
moving state to state
love the excitement & joy
that I feel
sometimes it still seems hard
to believe I could
be this lucky
or be this blessed

Don't know what all
God is doing here
but he's not finished
with me-with this-
yet

(74) Triggers

Your hand slides gently

across my knee

fingers slowly splaying playfully

but I'm cant think 

& I can't breath

with you sitting right there

touching me

I'd forgotten

so completely

how indescribably amped up

fingers brushing on

my knees feels

or how swiftly it

undoes me

Just a couple deep breaths

(73) Too Close to be Alright

Way too close

Way too comfortable

& the strange hope

that keeps trying to inflate

my weary heart

Is a terrible thing

There's too much

to talk me out of it

& who wants

a reluctant lover

I miss knowing

every moment

that I wanted to

dive into someone's love

& arms & dreams

to consume them

& be their everything

You should never feel

awkward & shamed 

by who you pursue

if that's the case, 

think of the spared

hearts & egos

I may not know

what I truly want

but I know this confusion

isn't where I belong

 

(72) Breaking

You touched my hand

& I nearly jumped out of my skin

was I supposed to expect the

tremor through my veins

I just keep chanting,

'This will never work'

because how could you feel the same

& even if you did

what then?

The scandal it would make

but

what I wouldn't give for you

to touch me again

(71) Here I Come. Blessed.

A few more hours

& I'll be on the road. 

Just one more to-do list

& then a new life

How did I get so lucky

to have so many

people love me

& so many homes open

to me

& so much freedom

to go

I don't have to know all

to know I'm blessed

(70) On I Go

My eyes are weary

My heart is worn

but my mother is proud of me

& so my heart is also warm

I am not worried

if this is right

everything points to the good,

but it's still a little sad

Never quite felt 

completely my own

never quite felt

like this was my home

Sorry to leave

those I love

once again

but I have no doubt

I'm headed to

where I always

Should've been

(69) Uncool Jerk Brain

Dreams, sweet dreams,

are not made of these

forgive me if you don't agree

searching my brain

but I cannot see

how dreams of love

are good for me