God's Got This

I've been thinking the past couple of days about a lot of different things.

God has been very at work in my life and my heart.  I know he's always there, but sometimes I let life get busy enough that I forget to see where he's at work.

As I told you in a previous post, I've been very sick.  It's been a very challenging summer, but the past couple of weeks have been the worst.  I let go of someone I loved, my body betrayed me, and I thought I was going to have to put aside my dreams yet again.  It was tough and it was terrifying, but God works for the good of those who love him, and he tends to take all those things that I don't understand and untangles them.

I've spent a lot of time asking God to take from me my unbelief and help me see his faithfulness and love.  I've spent a lot of time reading my Bible and asking God to help me see the light at the end of this tunnel.  It's been a rough couple of weeks.

The beautiful thing is, God came through for me.  He always does.  He showed me that I am so loved.  I've had people I never expected to care ask about me, pray for me, get their whole church to pray for me, and ask if they could do anything to help.  He let one test lead to another to help my doctors figure out what was causing the real and worst part of my pain, and they're helping me fix this issue.  He's given me amazing friends who call and text and visit and encourage me.  He's shown me just how incredible my family is through their concern, the little acts of kindness, the phone calls, the texts, and my immediate family's willingness to eat a low-fat heart-healthy diet (even though I think they would prefer to eat normal food most of the time) without any real complaints.  I've gotten all kinds of cards and words of kindness.  The support is overwhelming.

picture by C. Ballard & J. L. Montgomery

I spoke to my office yesterday and was told that as long as my doctor says it's okay on Thursday, I can come back to work as early as Friday.  I would get to work however long I felt I could handle, so I won't have to worry about making myself overly tired.  This means I'll be able to earn a paycheck again, and that will give me a great deal of peace.  It still won't cover everything, but it will do a good deal to make me feel more at ease about the whole situation.

This also helped me see that though it may take a little longer than I wanted it to or hoped it would, I will still get to go to Ohio.  I am not going to have to abandon my dreams.  God will get me there, and Amber and Jake have been wonderful about keeping me excited.  Amber keeps talking about the things we'll do when I get there.  I need to pick a paint color for my room, and soon we'll be learning to knit and cooking together and trying to be a bit healthier about everything.  I will get to see Nikky and Yan and Conor on a regular basis.  So many people I love and so many things to look forward to.  My dreams are still going to come true.  God isn't asking me to give up my dreams, but to trust him with them.  I think I'm slowly learning to let him handle this.

And yes, I did give up someone I love, but I am learning, I can still wake up every morning and find the good in the day.  He was my world once, but he isn't anymore.  God's got my heart, and he's healing it quite nicely.  Better things are yet to come, and I'm going to trust God that some day in the not too distant future I will find myself in love with someone who won't walk away, but instead will love me right back.

God's got this.  It amazes me.  Despite all the craziness, I am falling more in love with God and life every day.  Today will be beautiful.

Cheez-It's & Prayers

Favorite things of this very moment (9:49 pm EST):

• Watching Brian Regan with Jake, Amber and Amber's hilarious and wonderful family


• Hysterical laughter


• My red snowflake blanket


• Zicam


• Vitamin C


• Dayquil


• Sam freakin' Ballard


• Knowing that in a week I will be in TN at CWS with Sam, Kimmie, Amber, Jake, Cayce, Becca, Dave, Glennis, Jennie and many other wonderful people I love

I am sick. Yep. I've been trying to pretend I'm not since Sunday evening, but I definitely am sick. I am currently waiting for Regina to return with my cheez-it's. She's a beautiful creature that Regina. Spent most of my day laying on the couch watching cartoons and children's movies. I've realized that when I am sick I watch sappy movies or children's movies. It's lovely. Don't you worry though, I did get some homework done, I wrote application letter for a scholarship program I'm trying to get into this fall, wrote some business emails, cleared out my inbox, and wasted huge amounts of time on Facebook.

So...being sick does not equal not being productive. Apparently.

All you lovely prayers, I have a couple requests. Oddly enough, they aren't connected to my coughing like crazy (though, if you'd like to pray for that, please do). I would actually love for you to pray for a girl named Jill from Arkansas. She's been dealing with a lot lately. Her father went through a major surgery and they weren't sure he was going to survey. Thankfully he did, but they won't know all of what is going on until they have the results from the MRI. She seems to be handling it alright.

Please also pray for Sam. The man is an angel. His heart is like the moon, and I want to keep it safe. He is a good man, and I adore him. He is trying real hard to take care of people even when he shouldn't need to. He is just like me. Adore him. Again, please pray for him.

Pray for me too. I don't want to do something stupid or hurt anyone. I just want to take care of everyone, but mostly I want to take care of Sam.

Let's all heal up now, shall we?