You, Me, & Jimmy Fallon

Happy Valentine's Day.

Tonight I sat on the couch and watched about 4 straight hours of comedy with my folks. Was this a Valentine's Day I'll remember? I hope so. 

I still don't know who I am, but sometimes when I laugh this hard, I am reminded great things are worth the wait. 

It might sound ridiculous, but this really hit home tonight while we were watching Fallontine's Day (yep, Jimmy Fallon's second anniversary special). My folks and I were talking about what's so great about Jimmy. He's funny, plays multiple instruments, is kind, loves children and animals, can make anyone smile, writes thank you notes, does dead on impressions, and loves ridiculous games. He is so talented with such weird and delightful skills. 

All I could think was that he was born for this. He was truly created to bring others joy. I wonder if he really realized it was possible to take all those skills and use them like he does now. It had to be mind blowing when he realized he was exactly where he needed to be. 

I've spent so much time lately thinking about just that. Thinking about how my skill set is eclectic and I'm not sure how to best utilize it for the greater good, but Jimmy Fallon reminds me that no matter how random or weird your skills and passions are, it will all come together. 

Just because I'm not the world's most beautiful women and I can't speak a second language or play a guitar doesn't mean I'm not fascinating or worthwhile. 

You know what I'm great at? Writing thank you notes and postcards and handwritten letters. I make delicious pie and beer bread. I can quote movies and figure out where you've seen that random actor before. I give truly unique wedding gifts and make mix CDs. I am a wonder. 

You are a wonder too. 

Tonight I'm praying that we truly learn to love and appreciate ourselves, and our gifts, so that we can be healthier, happier, better, and brighter lights. We'll find our way. 

Night and, again, happy Valentine's Day!

Certain

I wish I was certain.

God has been so fantastic to me, has blessed me with some much and through so many people in the past year, and has proven time and time again that his love, provision and timing truly are perfect.  It's not God that I am doubting today...it's me.

A friend of mine has found the man she believes she is going to marry.  She believes this more than just about anyone I've ever met, especially considering they're not even dating at this point, but she is certain.  I realized today that I am jealous of this about her.  She is convinced through and through that this is where her life is heading.  That it really is on course to join in life with this man she believes so much in, and that God is working to help her do this.  It amazes me every time we talk about it.

You'd think this would be something I would doubt, but somehow her certainty makes me believe this is actually possible.  The saying that "crazier things have happened" could very well be at play here.  It wouldn't surprise me anymore.  I hope she is right and that this is exactly what God is helping her head towards.  I hope this man is everything she dreamed of and more and that he sees her the same way.

I just wish I could be that certain.  Not just about a guy (although that wouldn't hurt my feelings at all), but about life.

Right now I am finding myself wondering what really comes next.  Ohio?  I'd like to think that's exactly where I am meant to be next, and that's where I intend to be in the spring, but what then?  Do I write?  Do I work at a pretzel place in the mall?  Do I do both and keep working towards something else?

I guess I'm just not sure what goal is worthy of my heart.  Perhaps it's the tired for being sick so often, from being sick again today, but it worries me that I am struggling to find a future to work towards.

My prayer is just to be able to see with clarity and find the joy.