Dear ------,

Being without you or your words, even for only two days, makes me crazy.  You're what keeps me smiling.  Sure, I hang out with friends and find ways to entertain myself, but I find that I miss you...

I hate that I can't find a way to tell you this.  I want to tell you I miss you, but I don't want to pressure you or scare you.

Sigh.

Love you,
Jaymin

Note to Self:

Sometimes it is better not to ask because sometimes it really is what you think it means and it is better to not know because it doesn't result in your heart feeling like someone just tripped it and knocked the wind right out of it.  Sometimes you should just let it go and ignore the leading statement.  Life is not a movie, and just because someone is a huge part of your world does not mean you take up that much space in theirs or that, even if you do, the space may not be labeled the same.  Also, no matter how much time you've spent in "the friend zone" for someone or how use to it or normal you've convinced yourself it is or feels...it will never be enough or okay.  It will be one of those wounds that doesn't ever seem to heal.  Maybe now is the time to make a clean break for it and clean the hell out of that wound.  If it gets stitched up and given some real closure...maybe it will have a for real chance to heal.  Maybe.  And stop beating yourself up and thinking you're not good enough.  This isn't about you not being worthy, it's about the other person not being the right fit.  Stop being someone's sidekick or bet or nurse or addict.  Lead your own life.