Oh Santa

Dear Santa,

Year's like this I really wish I had more faith.

What I want really can't be wrapped up and delivered or carried to m in your bag and sled.  What I want, Santa, is just love and courage and hope.  I want to enter this coming year with the courage to make myself healthier and happier.  I want love because, well, who doesn't want love?  But really, I want to be able to spoil someone, to lavish affection on them, someone to laugh with and prioritize, someone who sees the best in me and desires me.  And hope...I want hope most of all.  I feel like I lack hope the most.  If you gave me nothing more than hope I think that could shore up the pieces of my heart for another year.

Merry Christmas, Santa.

Love,
Jaymin

Santa, Baby

Dear Santa,

I think this is the first time we have ever had any kind of real contact, so I guess I should tell you, I am a huge fan of your work.  Giving for the sake of giving to reward the good...I like this.  You do good work.  If only we could make sure that kids get THAT part of your whole deal and not just a bad case of the "GIMMEES"...that would be good.  I digress.

I wanted to write you a letter like I never did as a kid.  We just never did that in our house, but I feel like I'm ready to finally be honest with you about what I want for Christmas.  Now, if you can't supply me with my wishes, I will understand.  I know you do your best, so thanks in advance for all that you do.

Here goes:

• Self-Confidence.  I realize you're not the Wizard of Oz, but if you have any way of helping me out in this department, I would be grateful.  
• Hope.  Don't get me wrong, I believe that Jesus died for my sins and that when he comes back, I'll be part of the party in the Kingdom of God, but...I could use some short term hope.  I've lost track of it somehow, and I don't know how to get it back.  Or even what is worth feeling hope for.  There's just been so much bleak and bad.  I could use a little tangible now hope.
• To Feel Wanted.  The last time I felt wanted was probably back when Ben and I were dating, and he would hold my hands and wrap his arms around me.  He always made me feel safe and wanted.  It has been a long time since anyone wanted me.
• A Reason to Believe.  You might be sensing a theme here, but yeah...
• The Drive & Strength to Take Better Care of Myself.  I already have PCOS, and I need to take care of my health.  There is a good chance I will never be able to have little ones and that breaks my heart enough.  I am tired of feeling frustrated with my own apathy and lack of change.  I need some help here.
• Financial Stability & Independence.  I think this is one I am actually heading towards, but any additional help you want to provide would be an added bonus.  
• More Reasons to Laugh.  There are never enough.
• Love.  I feel there's no need to explain.

Yep.  It's a steep list, but hopefully you will be able to help me out a little.

Thanks, Santa.  Merry Christmas.

Love,

J