Hope

Kayla and Mara

Mara all wrapped up in the blanket I made for her. Isn't she beautiful?

Favorite things of this very moment (1:31 am EST):

• Having new books to read about relationships and marriage
• Ice cream with lots and lots and lots of added berries
• Sweet and unexpected letters from friends
• Knowing I will get to see Nikky & Yan on Wednesday!
• The sticker Regina handed me the other day that says "I did it for the cookie!"
• The 2 pictures I was sent of my new "niece" Maranatha Hope (as shown above)

I'm excited about having all these books to read about relationships, and I realized that it's not just because I'm an incurable romantic. It's because I want to be the best wife I can possibly be. Sure I'm going to screw up, and sure I have no idea when in the future the right guy will come along, but I do have hope. I know that eventually it will work itself out and God will bring the right guy into my life, and I know that when He does, I want to make sure that I'm as ready as I can be.

I remember when I was at ABC with Dan, and he knew he wanted to marry Rachel. Anyone that was around Dan for more than 3 minutes knew he was crazy in love with her, but it was more than that...Dan wanted to be the best husband he could be. I watched him work on being frugal, managing a budget, trying to take care of his health, and doing all he could to study and get through school with good grades and the knowledge he would need in order to be a good minister (which he is, by the way). On top of which, I know he read countless relationship books so that he could do his best to understand women, marriage, and most important, his beloved Rachel. I know the other guys thought he was a little crazy for doing this, but Dan knew what he wanted: Rachel. He knew that he was going to have to do all he could to make his marriage work, and he understand that she was something worth fighting for. I really do admire him for all of this.

Just yesterday I finished reading Joshua Harris' book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and while I'm not sure I 100% agree with everything he said about relationships, I do think he had a lot of really great points. I loved his intense focus on the importance of physical and emotional purity. I think most of us overlook emotional purity entirely, but he made the point that if you attach yourself to everyone all the time, there won't be much left of your heart for your spouse when they find you. Physical purity is pretty straightforward, you need to be constantly striving for physical purity. You gotta keep yourself out of temptation's path. Purity is a true gift to give another, and I want to strive to maintain my purity so that I'll have something truly rare and beautiful to give to my husband when we get married.

The other thing that really stuck with me, probably more so than any other single point, was his simple question: what are you doing to prepare for marriage? This got my thinking. Nikky and I have actually had this discussion a number of times: how can I become the best version of myself so that when I get married, I know that I am a whole person joining with another whole person in order to create something new and beautiful? I want to be doing all I can to make find the best of who and what I am so that I can share this with the man I marry. I want to make sure that I am financially independent, that I can stick to a budget, that I am capable of handling all the basic household issues that come up, and that I can truly love him with all that I am. I want to continue working to get rid of and clear out all my old baggage, and take better care of myself physically. I want to be someone that my husband can rely on and also that he can be proud of. I want to be someone that I can be proud of.

Just my thought for tonight.