Sometimes You Realize

(Above picture is Carson, spring 2007, posing for his "Senior Picture" in one of the big trees down by the Rock River at Lowell Park)

Favorite things of this very moment (9:42 pm CST):

• Cherry Carmex (if it makes this stupid fever blister, I'll be ecstatic)
• Christmas lights
• Being at home
• The Christmas stocking hanging from my dresser drawer that was given to me at work today (Jackie made them for everyone, and they're filled with chocolate...brilliant)
• Knowing that a) a box will be on its way here to me sometime tomorrow, b) that Christmas is only 9 days away, c) Wild Berry wine cooler & good movie (Hot Rod or The Holiday) await me when I finish this post
• That my large brown cat that loves me more than she likes to admit

My fingers are cold, but most of the rest of me is doing alright. I have on my fuzzy burgundy socks, and I've put more Carmex on my fever blister. The socks make me happy, and the Cherry Carmex really isn't terrible tasting or smelling like I feared it would be. It rather soothing actually.

I'm just reflecting a bit. I've been having weird dreams again lately. One from this past weekend involved the world coming pretty close to ending. Giant tidal wave, earth quakes, that sort of thing. Somehow though I woke up not feeling at all worried. Normally a dream like that would have left me shaken and twitchy, but the other morning when I woke up, I simply felt a twinge of sadness in its wake. How bizarre.

The other dream that stands out to me was about Carson. Kayladrew's younger brother. A kind, quiet guy with a wicked sense of humor and magical hands when it comes to a guitar. He's a pretty cool guy, that Carson. In the dream though, he was moving. Far away. To Alaska. I was sad. Through most of the dream I was just trying to make sure I'd still be able to talk to him. That he knew I would actually still want to hear from him. Carson and I may not be super close, but he's been a part of my life for a long time now, and not having him around is sad. This dream was pretty well based in reality. I just found out a little while back that he's considering moving to Alaska. Several friends of our's live up there now, and one of his cousins does as well. I think that sadness of Carson being so far away just seeped into my dreams. I know I'm planning on moving, but Carson is like...well...he's like home. He's just part of this area, and thinking maybe I won't see him when I come home (however sporadic) seems so bizarre. It will be like something is missing.

Does it suprise you when you realize how much a part of your life someone really is?

I guess it shouldn't, but it did. If he leaves, it will mean awkward stilted letters and possibly boxes of stuff. Cookies, random mix cds, hideously cheesy thing. I'll miss him.

And on that note, I need to go to bed. Or at least put on pjs and watch a movie and stop thinking so much.

Good night.

ps. One more picture:

(This picture is from the lesson I did on guarding your heart. Carson is showing off his heart security system. Spring 2007. I think it's guarded by be a fence and maybe some barbwire, not to mention a moat. Definitely a moat. And Jay's the big tall guy off to the side who thinks I'm nuts for even suggesting a group of semi-adult-like people and a few young kids draw heart security systems in sidewalk chalk on the church parking lot. This is why Carson is a great guy, he just does these thing without seriously questioning my sanity. At least not to my face. ha.)