Coming to a Close

(about artwork by Nikky. The wind is rising...)

Favorite things of this very moment (11:01am CST):

• Good memories
• iTunes shuffle
• Realizing how many beautiful songs I didn't even know I had
• Flutes (that's something I never thought I'd say)
• Scratch paper and the pen closest to me
• Grey tanktops & sweaters

Today is the day you look back on the year gone by and wonder what it all meant.

On Tuesday night, my dear friend Heather reminded me that God is in control. She said it's important to remember that we just can't see all the good that comes from what we do. She agreed with me that there must be a reason I'm still where I am. This doesn't mean that things aren't going to keep changing and that I won't be moving some day soon (it will happen come the fall if not sooner), but it does mean that there is a purpose for this.

Do you ever wonder in what ways you're truly affecting the lives of others? Do you wonder if you've had an impact for the good of their hearts and lives? I do. All the time.

And I've been thinking back on this year, the good and bad. This past year has brought little ones into my life that I'm grateful for: Xavier, Aria, baby Kayla, and Carter. Babies that I will happily watch grow and adore for the rest of their lives.

I've also watched my plans shift, phase, change and break repeatedly. I've come to dread answering questions or telling people my plans because it worries me that I'm jinxing them in doing that.

Life is temporary and transient. My plans are apt to change and bound to because I'm clearly, and repeatedly, screwing them up. One of my favorite verses, Proverbs 16:9, pretty much sums this up: "The human mind plans the way, but the LORD directs the steps." I need to try and make sure that my plans are going through God's filter and approval. Otherwise I'll never make it anywhere.

Life is lessons learned and movement.

I may not know exactly where I am going, but I'll keep trying my best. I'll apply for jobs, save money, try to plan (but try not to stress out if they don't all work the way I think they should), make baby blankets, learn new skills, read new books, and do my best to live and laugh and love. There's not enought time to do anything else really.

Let's head into 2010 with our heads held high, our hearts on our sleeves, and honesty on our lips. No regrets. Let's aim for that.

May your's be blessed.

With all my love, J

ps. A mix for the new year (Reckless):

1. Understand - Jeremy Camp
2. Pre-Ex-Girlfriend - Five Iron Frenzy
3. All My Loving - Jim Sturgess
4. Hang me Up to Dry - Cold War Kids
5. String of Pearls - Jimmie's Chicken Shack
6. Badfish - Sublime
7. Baby's Got Sauce - G. Love & Special Sauce
8. Authority Song - Jimmy Eat World
9. Via Chicago - Wilco
10. Warsaw Pact Yard Sale - Accost
11. Protect me from What I Want - Placebo
12. War of my Life - John Mayer
13. The Rain Song - The Dreamer & the Sleeper
14. Prayer for the Dying - Seal
15. Used to the Pain - Keith Urban
16. The Way I Loved You - Taylor Swift
17. We Will Become Silhouettes - The Postal Service
18. While My Guitar Gently Weeps - Martin Luther McCoy