Poems

It's been a long time

Since words found their way

Written out on napkins and

The backs of envelopes

I use to write poems

Every day

I use to write them about

The boy I loved

The one that walked away

But then Poetry died

And there were so many years

Of quiet silence

And an echo stretching forever

I wrote a story for my godson

It's about an armadillo 

I want to publish the book

But all this fear 

Holds me back 

Still somewhere past

Basketball games on TV

And fictional bounty hunters

I hear an old whisper

And feel a tug at the corner

Of my heart

Start again

Live with no regrets

And I smile

Maybe turning 30

Is a starting point 

After all and

Maybe I can live

The life I long for 

After all

10

Zuni,

Today, the sun is glittering gold, work is going smoothly, someone handed me good caffeine (twice so far), and in a few short hours I'll be off for the weekend. Other than an extremely annoying intercom announcer talking in the background of this break I'm trying to take, the day is going well. 

I got a part in a play last night. I'm playing a character named Julie who is dating a guy nearly 20 years older than she is, and her parents are being played by my parents, which I think is hilarious. I'll be living and breathing this play till the second half of June. I just started reading the play a little while ago, and I think I'm going to enjoy it. Plus, I really just need to be out of the house more. The only place I ever seem to be these days is at work, so maybe this will broaden my horizons a little. 

You'll love this, I'm trying online dating. It started as a dare combined with a joke which was extended into a challenge. I've been on the site for about two months. I met the challenge, but stuck around. Most of what I'm encountering are super sexually aggressive guys who seem to be under the faulty assumption that because I'm on this site I really just am dying to have someone tacklessly hit on me and ask to sleep with me and then tell me I'm being a coward or a prude for not wanting to sleep with them or a "disrespectful bitch" when I tell them  I don't appreciate the verbal sexual assault. 

I keep blocking and deleting guys. I doubt that anything will come from this,  but I can't think of a better way to meet anyone at this point since I don't go to bars or clubs and I live in a small town and none of my single guy friends within the church have any interest in me. Im not saying that to sound bitter or pathetic, but just to state the facts. This is fine. I keep running The Lightning Speech from Meet Joe Black in my head "you never know lightning may strike."

I could really have used your advice last weekend. I ran across the single most attractive man I've ever seen that's not fictional or a celebrity. I may have made a complete fool of myself, but I did tell him I was interested. He's a photographer and he has a cat and has the most captivating eyes I've seen in years. I doubt, very much, that he'll reciprocate my interest, but I tried. No regrets, right?

I have to go back to work soon. I wish I didn't, but my crew tonight should be a good one. They know their jobs, and that'll make mine much easier. I just...

I just wish that when I got off work tonight I could meet you at the house and we could sit on the front porch. I could really use a good, long, soul-baring front porch talk. Instead, I'll go home tonight and probably do my best not to say a lot of words about what's rustling around in my chest and maybe drink a little. 

It's been ten years, Zuni. I guess I'm doing alright, but there's so much I'd love to be able to tell you. For crying out loud, Ghostbusters 2 comes out this summer. I just miss you, Jake. I really do. 

Love,

Ms. Cheatwood