What's A Girl To Do?

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Favorite things of this very moment (8:45 am CST):

• Tyler Hilton
• Mom's comment that she's never seen me move as fast as I did this morning when she woke me up to tell me that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were going to be on the Today show
• Seeing Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart on the Today show
• Talking to Dan online this morning
• Knowing Nikky will have a box from me in hand by the end of today
• Having a discussion with Ben when I don't have nearly enough sleep and too much caffeine in my system
• The urge to dance badly, even when sleep deprived, caffeinated, and aching
• That this is sincerely my friend Dustin reincarnated into a movie villain, and not just any villain, but JAMES: http://www.bordersmedia.com/twilight/?cmpid=SL_20081120_REW#video

How should love be?

Honestly, what's it really supposed to be like? How are you supposed to know when you've found the right person? Obviously things aren't immediately going to go smoothly. Life doesn't work that way, and I have a sneaking suspicion that love doesn't either.

Do you know you're in love when all you want is for that other person to be happy? Does it become obvious when you what to sacrifice what you want in order that they're taken care of? Or does that just mean that you want to be a martyr?

I don't want to be a martyr. I want to find a way to love and love deeply, but the thing is, in order to do that, you have to find someone to love.

Here I am world.

I am lost, lonely, and aching for something more. At least somewhere deep down I am. Ironically, on the surface, for the people I meet, most of them don't see this side of me. I don't like it showing through. Savage intensity tends to scare people...go figure.

So what's a girl to do?

She writes. A lot. Lyrics, bad poetry, the occasional bit of good poetry, scripts, sketches, scenes from life, short stories, and works on books.

Maybe someday I'll have a tall dark outlet for this insanity. The kind that has a beautiful voice and likes to read books as much as I do and won't mind staring up into the night sky with me for hours...

Until then, I'll work on living.